Letters to ~L. :Undone

~L.

You texted me asking me what is one thing that I would undo if I could.  I never answered.

Here it is:

• I wouldn’t have texted you those few times after that initial date.
• I would have waited.

I would have been more patient.

I should have been more patient.

But now I know better now sir.

I’m making up for it.

I’m doing my penance.

I’m going to make it right.

Because some people want a second chance, I just want a first.

When we’re ready.

If we’re ready.

If at all.

Scratch that.

I guess I wouldn’t really undo it.

Thank you for inspiring me to make the greatest journey I’ve ever gone on.

Where the path leads us?

• Separate
• or together
• or separate and then together
• or separate and then still separate…

I guess it really doesn’t does matter.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you sir one letter consonant.

Something,

~j.

Douchebag alert! Username: Durgie

Being a single woman in the greater Los Angeles area, I must say, like most every city, there is no shortage of complete and utter douchebags.  These douchebags give the male race (and the ones that date them) a bad name and thereby ruin it for everyone.

To be fair, there is a perfectly acceptable balance between douchebag and prince charming.  If a man is too nice for example, his chances of sleeping with me reduce drastically.

I didn’t used to know what I wanted.  I was a whiney baby.  But I since pulled my head out of my ass and realized exactly what that is.

I discussed it a bit in the blog “Emotional Masochism” but for those that didn’t catch that, here’s a rough recap:

For me, I’m looking for a very specific catch.

• I want a man that’s not afraid to be a man.  That means- driven, passionate, goal oriented, and provider.  I do not care about how much money you make.  I tend to be drawn to artists just as I am successful people.  I have dated high on the food chain finance wise, as well as at the bottom.

John Lennon once said “All you need is love.”  And when done properly, he’s completely right.

• I want someone that’s compassionate to my needs, but I also don’t want a doormat.  You have needs too and sometimes I’m a disrespectful bitch about them.  Make sure I remember that, but do it in a way that’s nonverbal or verbal when needed and in a way that I feel secure.

• There is a fine line between emotional abuse and tough love.  I think every woman needs to learn where that line is for her and pass it along to her gent.  If he’s a gent, he will understand.  If he’s not, then proceed to walk all over him and let him know that he’s not.

• I want someone who is going to be there when needed.  But I do not need a constant babysitter.  Babysitters are for girls, and I am a woman.  Granted, there are times when I’m also in need of a babysitter.  However that’s what female friends are for, and/or a therapist.  My problems aren’t your problems.  A real woman takes care of all of that for herself.

Summation:

What is it that I want?

Control enough to lose control and yet still be all right.

——

But this is in regards to a recent email I was sent, by username Durgie.

I belong to quite a few websites and internet dating is the same as in every metropolitan area.  Quite frankly, there’s an epidemic of douchebags in the greater.. resident planet all of us hail from.  However if anyone from the Moon is reading this, I’d just like to mention that I’d love to taste moon cheese at some point.  I’m a conneseuir of cheeses and.. well I hear that is epic in nature.

Here are the letters exchanged between me and Mr “Durgie:”

Durgie [2.16.9, 9pm]:

boo* happy late valentines =) keep warm, and if not.. i have blankets ;D

Me [2.16.9, 11:06pm]:

LOL. happy commercially induced saccarin pocketbook drain day to you too 😛

& welcome to (name of the site)

Durgie [2.27.9, 1:30pm (apparently my work computer shows the future)]:

oh you know it!!! more of a reason for a guy to buy a girl chocolates to get laid!

Ok Mr.  At this point you are deemed pathetic as well as a loser and need to be told as such.  Prepare to be vaporized.

Me [2.27.9, a few minutes prior to transcribing this post, but showing at 3:30pm work computer time (i hope that means its beer thirty soon then)]:

Scandalous:

Just because I have the aka of that on the net, does not mean that I’m into you.  If I am, I’ll let you know.

Otherwise, comments like yours are really just in poor taste.

It’s things like that that are probably why people like you don’t get laid that often.  Except in which case, that you live in LA.  There are plenty of dumb broads that will think those comments are flattering.

I am not one of them however.

That said:

Have a most splendid Friday.  Best of luck to you.  And please refrain from messages like the one below ever again, or I will block you.  Furthermore, just an FYI, that won’t work on about 85% of women, regardless of what location you happen to live in.  So unless you really want to be fucking that bunny rabbit as your avatar on here shows, you might want to remember that.

Kindest regards,

Js.

So there you have it.  Today’s douchebag of the week award goes to you Mr Durgie.

And now I have to go record some video for a project to be announced later this week.

Ciao and happy hunting ladies & gents.

Lists: The Lunchtime routine

These are the things I do everyday as part of my lunchtime routine (if I don’t have an appointment or plans for lunch with a cute boy or any of my other friends):

• go on the interwebz and check the following sites: twitter, tumblr, postcrossing, ffffound, kotaku, the New Yorker, the Huffington Post, Gawker, Lalawag, and lately, but yet not enough, vimeo (amongst a few others) for a major project that I’m working on to be revealed later.
• Walk to the “forbidden dougnut chair with my parasol
• read comic books
• take cat nap in the sun
• call my grandmother in IL

These are the things I aspire to do every day at lunchtime… and since Valentines Day.. they have been for the most part.

The List Blogs: 10 things that make me happy (as written on a card sent to the UK)

Miss Hannah Wingfield of Dundee Scotland asked for postcards with 10 things that make me happy written on them. Since I’ve recently started a series on List Blogs, (not to diminutize you Miss Hannah) I thought it would be fitting to share it with you as well.

!0 things that make me happy are (in no particular order):

• The ocean
• stumbling across treasures all around: music, art, fashion, words
• the sound of the rain (even when its beating down on me as my truck breaks down for the x-teenth time)
• the full sensory experience: of HOME found in an old darkroom
• the smell of fresh cut grass, wood, and the smell of gasoline
• the rush you get when meeting someone new. of learning something new. or the bonus round: learning something new about someone new that you meet.
• color all around
• my smiling childrens’ faces & the sound of their laughter too. (Ethan-6, Maddox-4, Sakura-2)
• postcards & handwritten letters in the mail
• Life. as generic as it may sound, the feeling of being alive. It’s the most wonderful feeling in this world.

The tale of the smuggled bacon

This right here is the culprit of today’s mystery. Much of which, was not eaten by yours truly- as I gave most of it away to friends that didn’t have anything for breakfast.

A friend of mine, to remain nameless as to retain her identity, helped me to smuggle this delectable treat. But smuggling bacon and other breakfast tasties is a very delicate feat. You must be very careful. You must keep your guard up.

You must.. be sure you carry some Pepto Bismal.

I only ate 2 pieces of the bacon and half of the bisquit shown here. However that was enough to result in not one but two trips to tinkletown but not for the tinkle.

My tummy hurt. There is only one bathroom up here on my floor for the girls. Working with boys and it not being out in the public atmosphere, I couldn’t just walk into the Men’s bathroom and dump off the jobs.

Instead I had to perfect a very specific dance style. I call it the gopher. Go-fer- the nearest restroom you can. It’s kind of like Frogger actually. You have to dodge all the people walking by in the hallways and entry ways. In hopes that you will get to that which is coveted at the end of the level…

the glory that is the toilet. The glory that will be released from your bowels as you finally get there.. to the nearest available john that you have to hover over.. because women are just as bad about dumping their jobs as men.

I’m completely serious.

I’ve had to go in many a mens restroom in a dive bar to find not only that the line was shorter.. but the men had cleaner restrooms. Thank you Jesus for the metro age.

That was my day yesterday. However despite it all, I will never give up on this second profession of mine. Bacon smuggler has a nice ring to it I think… even if there are a few consequences to be had. Sacrifices must be made.. in the name of zod. Bacon!

Sidenote: I was the only one who got sick from said breakfast food. The other two people were not effected at all. God I love my life!

My weekend 2.23.9

Had a great non regrettable, but regretable weekend.

Scratch that.

No regrets.

I don’t regret any of it.

I’m forever thankful of the people that I have come across.

The only thing that I’m disappointed about…

was not the part where I vomited in front of you last night.

But not having enough room on my camcorder to fully document the most amazing time that we had.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

for all that you’ve done for me.

Wonderful people.  Wonderful friends.

Lots of video to pull off my camcorder later.

Highlights of this weekend (to be written about later):

• Coraline in 3d with my son (it was the last weekend to see it that way)
• San Diego Tweetup with Mo in tow
• Getting my “other” best friend on camera saying that he’s” not that smart” (btw that made the trip worth it just there. 4 seconds of taping
• More encouragement to play my violin
• finding a new watering hole in a nook somewhere in WeHo
• meeting a new wonderful person (so wonderful they put up with my vomitface last night/this morning)

and, more to come later

But wow what a great weekend!

I’ve decided:

• I need to make a point to get home more often
• I really shouldn’t drink more than one drink on a 2nd “date”
• I really should throw a fundraiser for my documentary project

I was reassurred that:

• My son is the most important thing in the world
• I have some amazing people in my life
• I am capable of amazing things if I only just DO them
• I put the crass in procrastinator & I really should hurry up & get the hell out of here and get to work even though my truck smells like vomit.
• kk thnx bai

Project Reorganization:The Balancing Act, episode 1

Once upon a time

In a galaxy.. not so far away…

(Hell I oftentimes feel like Los Angeles is another galaxy after living in San Diego, so give me a break!)

There once was a girl who

Was a bit of a socialite.

Perhaps too much.

And while the parties were grand and the people wonderful… for some reason, it just wasn’t enough.  She just wasn’t enough.

And then something happened.

Something remarkable.

Something that you really cannot truly explain with mere answers.

It just was was what it was.

Into the rabbit holes she entered and just as quickly returned.

Of heartache and levity and realization.

Realizing that everything she ever knew was wrong.

Realizing that it was also right.

She pushed further.

She pushed harder.

She changed the cards of her destiny.

Perhaps she was always meant to.

Perhaps they were all always waiting for that day.

She arrived at the destination

and found it was merely the beginning of the journey.

Today was like every other day.

But there is no day like today.

Career Ambitions & Wishes: To work on this game

photo courtesy of Electronic Arts & Kotaku

This right here.. it makes me smile like you wouldn’t believe.   It slipped my mind prior to this year that one of my most beloved favoritist game titles of all time.. based on well one of my most beloved favoritist books of all time was made by the company I work for.

Needless to say, ever since I read the writeup on Kotaku yesterday afternoon (fashionably late to the news as per usual), there has been a smile plastered on my face, and a hope in my pocket.  It would be but a dream come true to assist in making this dreamworld as purely astonishing as the last one.

My days at Electronic Arts have been… I am learning so much and am surrounded by so very many brilliant minds.  I am but a small cog.  But a proud little cog.

For those that do not know, I am a game tester at Electronic Arts Los Angeles.  I realize that tieing both my professional and personal writings here is dangerous.  But this is who I am.

Games have been my passion ever since I can remember.  My first memory is actually of video games.   My everyday is filled with that world.  Of something that I do so much, it’s embedded into me.

It is among the things I dream of.  As real as snittermittens and frofflepops.  Of cows that produce Hawaiian Punch and a rainbow in the sky of skittles that you can actually taste.

I have many ideas and many a passion.  I fear, not all of it has been written yet.  I know  now that it must be.

Seeing this project at the same time my eyes really became open to finally just do all of mine bid me to write the following succinct letter in response:

Dear boss man up there in Redwood or wherever makes the decisions..

I implore you-hire within please, and move me up.

I would give up my soul for a place on the team working on this game.

Have dougnut. Will trade.

kk thnx bai

Kindest Regards,

Jennifer Stavros

jstavros@iamanenigma.com

Random factoids: Marine edition

courtesy of sexyoutofcontext, tumblr

Random factoids o’ Jena:

I have always had a fascination in all things underwater and scientifical. My favorite animals are octupi and seahorses. I find them to be creations of magic and wonderment that somehow managed to make it into reality, as if by mistake.

I’ve milled over getting tatoos of them many times. I currently do not have any tattoos, which also shocks people upon hearing. I haven’t ruled it out yet. There is still more than enough time for it. So who knows, right?

I love the ocean so very much that at one point I also considered being a marine biologist. My father told me later that one of the best schools in the country for that is in San Diego.. so regardless of which career choice (I’ve known I’ve wanted to be in entertainment since I was born.) I’d made, I was destined to live there someday.

Ah San Diego, my home… how I miss you so.

And my dearest ocean? It’s been days. Let’s make a date alright?

Postcards: Brainerd, Minnesota

Coming home from work today at a haven of corporate technology, I found it quite ironic to receive a postcard from a place called: Brainerd, Minnesota

Brain

Nerd

I’m a bit odd I suppose.

But that wasn’t all of the nearly perfect timing.

The card was from a 40 year old mother of two teenagers named Gina.  She is formerly from the OC.  I wrote her a reply to ask her how she came to Brainerd after living in Orange county and am awaiting her reply.

On her card was the following quote:

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; Define yourself.” -W Harvey Fierstein

Indeed madame.

And in my head I can just envision this mother with two teenagers… trying so very hard to teach them all that is important.  To enjoy life.  And never let anyone take away that magical gift.. of making your mark on the world.

What a lovely thing to come home to.  I think it just got a bit more cozy.