Campaigning for…

Hi, my name is Jena, and I fall for the seemingly average joe.  To a bit of a socialite, this is a bit shocking, even to me.  Now its a granted that I date quite a bit.  I’ve kissed countless frogs but I could count on one hand how many princes I have.  The ones that were?  All prince charmings masquerading as your ordinary average to above average joes.

Ah the rules of attraction, amplified to anyone with desire to be in the public space at all.  People notice where you place yourself.  They ostracize you for whomever you put on your arm.  In today’s social media and entertainment scenes, the power in womanhood is to be single or at least appear that way.

I’m just a small time girl.  I’d like to think that my adventures entertain and get some buzz.  I do get asked quite a bit for stories about love, sex, the etcetera about dating.  It’s a bit intriquing.  However I have never brought a guest to a social function until recently.   As public as I am about who I’m seeing, I am also guarded due to a recent digital divorce (to be blogged about later).

Perhaps its a bit pompous saying, but do you really want a face with these stories?  Does the shallow exterior mean more than the stories themselves?  I don’t think it should.  I’ve gone on some truly amazing dates.

My roommate and I were having a conversation a few nights ago about my ideal man post and his observations of my dating habits since I moved in.  He said that while he can understand why I’m attracted to all of them, they’re all different types and he can’t quite pinpoint my taste.  I don’t have a set “type” as it morphs from the superficially inclined to well…

The grip is my main squeeze.  I see him on a near daily basis, even if its just for a few minutes before he has to go to work.  My day feels more complete when he’s a part of it.  I’ve found myself asking him to come home on numerous occassions.  Yesterday he referred to here as home.  (Don’t freak out Steve.)

Steve told me that all my initial microscopic desires of that oh so perfect guy are null and void when it comes to the grip.  What is it about him that gets past those filters when others have tried and failed miserably?

Every woman wants that super attractive, well to do man.  It’s the survival of the fittest mentality, and the Hollywood “reality.”  And while I’ve dated my share of GQ men, I’ve just not been all too impressed.  The good looks, the money, any and all of it.. has little appeal to me.  I desire the full package.  Mr GQ hasn’t shown me that yet.

In fact every single time that I’ve dated someone for shallow reasons beyond looks, I didn’t even realize they were at that mark otherwise.  I once dated a guy who’s father owned the penthouse one of the most prominent buildings in the San Diego skyline.  I honestly did not know until after we parted ways, when it was mentioned by someone we knew mutually.

Now that in itself seems to paint a picture of me thats a bit of a braggert.  Again, I could care less about any of that.  Give me a man who has a job, doesn’t live with mom, doesn’t drugs, and is passionate.. could be the most broke artist possible, I’d be happy as a clam-provided he treats me right of course.

I sat and looked back at some of the older pictures of the grip.  I think about how much I could have missed out on had I not given him a chance initially.  Who we are in the past does not define us.  It’s a part of us, but not the whole picture.

Ladies, I highly encourage you to take a step back and give that average joe a chance.  I’m amazingly happy that I did.

I have found that the average joe more likely will appreciate you more.  Their egos don’t get in the way of real intimacy.  They are more compassionate, genuine and loving.  They don’t let the smoke and mirrors image bother them.  They’re real.

They say that the ones you have to look out for the most are the ones you’d least expect.  It’s true.  Every last bit of it.

My name is Jennifer Stavros and I approve of this message.

The doppleganger effect

Ever notice a reoccuring image with lovers?  Perhaps its patterns in their personalities.  Perhaps its patterns in the shapes of their face.

I was showing someone a picture of the grip recently and they told me that he looked very reminicent of one of the water circa 2007.  I look back at the pictures.  I see some similarities but shook it off.

Then I looked at the other pictures… different lovers, but…

The dark hair.  Those defined rich lips.  Long eyelashes. A honey tint to the color of their skin.

I guess in the dark the outlines of their faces seem to echo of that “someone great” once upon a time.

Perhaps I’m dating the same person.  That there are all these modified versions out there and I’m trying to find the right one.  It boggles me a bit.

Does anyone else notice this pattern?

Or am I just fucked in the head?

Premptive possible correction

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, when someone asks you-

“Am I sharing you with anyone?”

would you interpret that as the person doesn’t want to share you?  See also

“So did you behave while you were gone?”

“Behave” and “Sharing” to me, means implied obligation to behave or otherwise not wander.  To me, those queries indicate a few possible factors:

• You are involved enough with said person in which you want exclusive rights to said person’s emotional or sexual persona.  It was recently argued that it is a carnal instinct to be monogamous.
• It’s a test of the relationship.

1. if the person says they are fine with sharing, they may not be available: emotionally or physically to have a monogamous relationship
2. if the person says they are not fine with it, they are declaring themselves possessive.

• It’s a test of your commitment level.  If you care about me/this relationship, you will have no problem with doing this.
• It’s a test of your trust level.  How prone are you to stray?  Will they be honest with wanting to have multiple lovers, or if “cheating” is possible, will they hide it?
• It’s to find out how secure and confident you are.  Do you get jealous at the thought of your partner being with others or can you handle them going on majorly emotionless dating/sexual escapades?
• It’s a question if your lover satisfies you sufficiently. This is a death move.  Tread carefully.

So, before I make a correction to how I perceived the situation here… I’m curious if I’m the only one that may have gotten the same idea by some of the wording I received from the grip.

Baby, if I’m wrong here, we’ll work something out as a payment of said point in LA’s favor.  Something dirty of course, so no one really loses.

So jury, what says you?  Implied monogamy?  Or is talk just cheap?

Also, I might add one last factor: while that whole “it’s ok” conversation happened, he also said

“I’d rather this then be cheated on…”

Fate rests in your hands dear readers… give me liberty or give me death?

Maybe

There’s always been something about that word that can drive a person to insanity.  Maybe we can go to the movies.  Maybe we can go out on a date.  Maybe maybe maybe.

I use it in a playful, teasing way.  Why?  Because sometimes I’m just not sure if the answer is really yes.

Yes I want to sleep with you?

No.

How about maybe I’ll sleep with you.. if I still feel like it when it’s time.

There are no guarantees in life beyond death and taxes.  I am neither.

However, a person that knows me, can also understand when I’m just being playful.. versus serious.. or semi serious.

Enter this random loser with an ego complex.

I gave him my number.  He then asks me if he can call me.  This to me, seemed pretty silly in the first place.  I mean, if I didn’t think it was ok, then why would I have given it to him?  Hello.  Please insert your brain here.  Still, asking could be something polite.  So it’s allowed.  I oftentimes find myself being overly polite as well.

But then he asks me:

“If I call in a half hour, are you going to pick up?”

i replied “Maybe ;)”

The dude freaked.  He said I was playing baby games.

I saw him on messenger later, having thought about what had happened.

(1:12:03 PM) debaucherygal: guys dont ask me to call me
(1:12:12 PM) debaucherygal: they just say theyre going to call
(1:12:14 PM) debaucherygal: & then do
(1:12:20 PM) debaucherygal: boys ask
(1:12:27 PM) debaucherygal: men just do
(1:12:34 PM) debaucherygal: when a # has been given
(1:12:41 PM) debaucherygal: it generally implies the ok
(1:12:47 PM) debaucherygal: just an fyi
(1:12:58 PM) debaucherygal: its not a game
(1:15:22 PM) debaucherygal: oh the number thing
(1:15:28 PM) debaucherygal: doesnt apply if the girl is drunk
(1:15:30 PM) debaucherygal: but then
(1:15:36 PM) debaucherygal: if ure hitting on a drunk girl
(1:15:47 PM) debaucherygal: then you have more probs then she does by giving it to u

He proceeded to then give me a horror story about being burned by girls previously and then said that

“if a girl cant keep a phone appointment [he’s] not going to drive 30 mins to meet them.”

That’s completely fine.  But in a way I had to laugh.  He missed what I said entirely.  He really had no clue about me.  It wasn’t meant to be rude or anything other than playful.

This particular guy had already done some pretty psycho behavior.  Me giving him my number was strictly on a friends basis, in which I made it perfectly clear.

Now bear in mind, this particular douchebag had this coming.  I’m extremely old fashioned in some ways and love when a man chases.  I will happily chase back if there’s chemistry.  And in some ways as well, I will happily approach the right guy.  Or have someone help me approach them.

(1:17:58 PM) debaucherygal: so what youre saying is
(1:18:03 PM) debaucherygal: u dont go for a challenge
(1:18:10 PM) debaucherygal: u go for the easy bait
(1:18:18 PM) debaucherygal: good.
(1:18:26 PM) debaucherygal: well im a girl that gets chased
(1:18:32 PM) debaucherygal: or she doesn’t do anything
(1:18:35 PM) debaucherygal: unless
(1:18:36 PM) debaucherygal: unless
(1:18:38 PM) debaucherygal: UNLESS
(1:18:42 PM) debaucherygal: you dazzle me
(1:18:50 PM) debaucherygal: and that rarely happens
(1:19:21 PM) debaucherygal: i dont have bad luck on dates
(1:19:27 PM) debaucherygal: regardless if theyre bad or not
(1:19:29 PM) debaucherygal: im real
(1:19:34 PM) debaucherygal: i deal with real people
(1:19:41 PM) debaucherygal: i dont play baby games

(1:20:03 PM) debaucherygal: thats fine
(1:20:04 PM) debaucherygal: idc
(1:20:28 PM) debaucherygal: i dont pander to someones ego
(1:20:31 PM) debaucherygal: unless
(1:20:33 PM) debaucherygal: unless
(1:20:35 PM) debaucherygal: UNLESS
(1:20:38 PM) debaucherygal: they dazzle me

He said that he didn’t think of intimacy as something to earn or win.

Excuse me?  Is that something that someone is supposed to give away?  Not in my mind.  Perhaps I’m cynical.  Perhaps I’m a realist.  I’d like to think that I’m one of the most private but open people you would ever meet.

He continued to be dickinine.

I explain to him that there have been times that I’ve said maybe and others have understood everytime.  And then I got nasty.

(1:40:04 PM) debaucherygal: i tell the boy i met recently
(1:40:09 PM) debaucherygal: “mayyybe”
(1:40:12 PM) debaucherygal: plenty
(1:40:17 PM) debaucherygal: even in text
(1:40:28 PM) debaucherygal: he wasnt inept to figuring out the connotation
(1:40:31 PM) debaucherygal: and if he wasn’t sure
(1:40:38 PM) debaucherygal: he asked
(1:40:50 PM) debaucherygal: but hes also way younger than u claim to be
(1:41:09 PM) debaucherygal: so maybe hes not spoiled by the horror of women playing games and becoming bitter

He told me intimacy wasn’t a competitive sport.

Funny, he logged off at the most important sentence…

(1:41:09 PM) debaucherygal: maybe hes a lot of things that most men should be

Maybe. Just.. Maybe.  We’ll see.  We’ll see.

the subtle, and not so subtle art of boyfriend positioning

Sadly, I’m coming across more and more men who are playing the “dumb” card in regards to the game. Yet if you ask most women,(hell every woman I talked to regarding the subject) they’re all too familiar with it. Even more so if they are a combination or either of the following:

• attractive
• and/or have a lot of guy friends.

The art of friends zoneing is one that women have tried to perfect for centuries. But then men enter the space, and insist on trying to buck it. As per one of my favorite theories, (here in a different form since the original site seems to be having an issue) it’s a long way down the abyss in between. And some masochists seem to enjoy being repeatedly kicked in.

So what is boyfriend positioning exactly? It’s the equivalent of pissing on a girl and claiming your territory.

Picture this: In a normal situation, when going out with your significant, it’s common when sitting down to place yourself accordingly. You’re in close quarters. You make sure that your chairs are ever so close together. The invisible bubble of space, becomes much smaller, to non existent. There’s certain things that you do… little affectionate touches… making sure your date is comfortable… insert nauseating rainbow vomit things. The point being- there’s no doubt to an outsider that you are together. It’s a mutual showing. This is yours.

Now enter that into a friend situation. One guy has clearly made his intentions known. He starts positioning himself in said position. Starts attempting to do said things. He skoots his chair close to yours. Always makes sure that you’re not on the odd side of the table. He’s putting the vibe out. And he’s cockblocking. Weather or not he’s doing it intentionally or just says hes not, he totally is. Getting away is half the “fun” as you have all the benefits of Coyote Ugly minus the getting laid part.

Add to it the other subtle ways of subliminal cockblocking… because realistically, when the person is doing that, they’re generally doing much more, and you have a mighty fun predicament on your hands. It’s highly annoying for both parties. More so generally (I’m admittedly biased) for the girl because all the girl generally wants is a “normal” friendship. By rejecting the guy, even politely, their ego is bruised. No guy ever wants to be in the friends zone, unless the woman is completely hideous… and even then, it’s just a matter of how many beers until you become the princess capable of one up’ing.

The bottom line: the truth of the matter is that there is no such thing as a purely platonic relationship with the opposite sex. From a completely carnal standpoint, it is impossible. The trick is learning to chill your nads for a long enough period of time so as not to fuck up (literally) an otherwise awesome friendship. Which can be quite a task to balance indeed sometimes actually… not that I have any idea about that one. *whistles innocently and goes off to run errands*

Wrong wrong right- episode one

For as long as I can remember, I have always been drawn to the wrong kinds of men.  Coming from as conventional a family as mine, I quickly learned:

“If they like him, he’s likely broken.”

The rose colored glasses didn’t work for me.  I knew what I want, but didn’t know what I want.

I want what I want.

I never stop daydreaming.  In my mind I’m always dancing dancing… in that dress in the moonlight.. waiting for my dancecart to be filled by this amazing brutal prince.

Perhaps it’s psychological scarring.  Abuse can do that to you.  But the strange thing is that even though you know it was wrong and detest that it happened, you find yourself craving another form of it.  The key, like everything it seems, is moderation.  You become this twisted version of reality.. drawn by sadism, masochism, subordination and insuborniation, order and disorder, etctera etctera.

It may make no sense besides nonsense… but if it doesn’t, then feel the misfortune of being fortunate enough to be fucked up enough have a greater sense of understanding.

Pavlov proved that given the proper variables, with time, you can get the trained response you desire.  All people are capable of the most intensive forms of manipulation.  Some use obvious means, but the truly great ones are the ones that mindfuck you.  They are the diseases you cannot free yourself from.. but you wouldn’t want to if you tried.

Weak men succumb to strong women by nature.  I like to toy with the idea.. for I do not want a weak man.  A man willing to worship me aimlessly holds little appeal to me.  I want a man that will buck back at me at the same time as he holds the torch.  I want someone who will press my buttons and get under my skin.  I think that intelligence is the most attractive quality anyone can ever possess… and that it is too often neglected.

I want the man that’s too busy with work than to need to be babysat 24/7.  I want the man that will take a few moments, and look up from the computer screen and tell me that despite that he’s working like he is, that he still thinks I’m beautiful.  I want stolen kisses in the rain.  I want flowers “just because” and not just because you told him to send you them just because.

I want a man who can get a hint without having to give him one.  I want someone perceptive and can fuck like a minx.  I want someone who isn’t afraid to be seen with me in public.. who isn’t afraid to entertain forbidden notions there…

I want a man who’s going to put me on a pedestal an build me up, take  a sledgehammer to it, then rebuild it back up again…

Wrong wrong.. but oh so right.  Yes indeed. Yes indeed… please please please.