Douchebag of the week! Username: Heathers

Ah how many of you remember that beloved movie of the 80’s?

Let’s take a journey back in time to remember the female douchebags of my more formative years from one of my favorite cult classics.  It will make sense later I promise.

Heathers, circa 1988

Heathers, circa 1988

From right to to left, seen above, the characters Heather Duke, Heather McNamara, and the queen of the female douchebag power click, Heather Chandler accompanied by miss Veronica Sawyer.

In my teenage angst period and throughout my life, I seemed to most empathize with Wynonna Ryder’s character.  Here she was, riding along in the cool kids club, but she never really fit in.  There was something off about her, but not in a bad way.  It was noticeable enough to be noticed, but her entourage was her get out of jail free card.

For years I’d be haunted by these “Heathers.”  It became prevalent even more so when entering the entertainment industry.  It didn’t matter how nice you were to them, if you looked at some of them funny, wore your hair differently, showed up at a party with an attractive guy, got attention from the right person, they would snub you.  You are expendable and competition.   However, both parties can be successful in the Hollywood pool, but only if they moderate themselves.

In this movie, these douchebags made her life both hell and heaven.  The choice was hers.  So what better way to play the game than become one of the crew?  Once in the favor of the crowd, the potential to rise is endless.

Ah the politics of womanhood.  Take notice my dears and play nice, even if you don’t like eachother… because everyone wants the rank of a Heather but maintain the likeability of a Veronica.

*******

This week’s douchebag of the week goes to a very special girl from the East Coast also named Heather.  Like the characters in the movie, she’s a gorgeous girl with a commanding presence.  People know who she is, and she’s popular within her circle.  But she failed to moderate herself…

One of my best friends back home, Jace, finally got involved with a girl, Nat, that he’s been madly in love with for 10 years.  He was doing the long distance relationship thing.  She- on the east coast, He- from Chicago.   Their courtship had been something danced around quite literally for some time.  Needless to say when it finally happened, he was glowing magnanimously.

Jace and Nat love to dance.  He’s frequently flown out there for dance competions and video game functions.  They have been best friends for ages.  Their relationship was strong.  He’d met her family.  All steps in the direction of a potentially great payoff and long term romance.

It was also during this time that he’d also met Heather.  She was a conventionally beautiful girl who loved to dance as well.  However when he’d initially shown interest in her, she rejected him.

Time passed and he’s with Nat.  He’s on cloud nine about it.  This was when it would finally all make a turn for the worse.

What is it about women who suddenly want the guy when he becomes off the market?

I must admit, I’m guilty of this too.. but here comes the psychotic difference between her and the rest of “sane” women.

He was being a good guy to Nat. Heather decided to come out in the open that she had feelings for him and wanted him.  He respectfully declined and repeatedly stated he was in love with his girlfriend.  She refused to listen.

There was a dance competition coming up that he planned on attending.  Heather decided that this was the perfect time to schedule a trip out to Chicago…. so she could see him in person and tell him everything.  Jace was not clued in on this.

He went to his dance gig as normal and ran into her.  He was trying to maintain a friendship with her and be cordial.  She pressed.  She said she had things of his to give back to him- a sweatshirt that was back at her hotel room.

He tried to get out of it but she pressed more….

“Please come and get this, it will only be a minute.”

He ended up at her hotel room.  She begins looking for the items in question.  He waits patiently.

She straddles him in a chair and makes it clear that she doesn’t have panties on.  She pulls out elaborate letters about how she wants to be with him and proceeds to pledge her undying desire for him.

And then she kisses him.  He’s stuck in this spot and doesn’t know how to get out of it gracefully.

He excuses himself… tells her that he’s in love with his girlfriend.  He says he’s flattered but this is wrong.

Driving home he feels terrible.  He feels he’s to blame for her actions.

Is there something I could have done differently?  Was I not clear with what I said about my position on this?

And then the email…

Heather wrote Nat an email about how she and Jace are now together.  She twists the story around to make it sound as if she were completely innocent to the whole thing.  Nat is destraut and believes the girl.

As of right now my friend Jace is now single due to this meddling Heather.  Congrats on becoming this weeks long distance douchebag of the week hooker girl.  Perhaps there’s potential for you in Hollywood just yet… but only if you learn to play nice lest you be crushed by the real Heather/Veronicas.  At which point, tell me when and where and I’ll bring the popcorn and the gloves… wouldn’t want to get blood on my nails you know.

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Douchebag of the week: usernames- Kings of “awesome”

This week’s douchebag award was actually sent in via a tip.  For some odd reason I didn’t encounter a douchebag of my own so this is a special entry.  Don’t worry, I’m not afraid of this turning into a regular basis.  There’s a high density of douchebags in the greater Los Angeles area to make fun of.  Lucky lucky me.  Lucky lucky you.

A friend of mine works in a very corporate office setting.  It’s to be understood that while he works for a company that’s very relaxed, it is also… well extremely corporate.  There’s a degree of conduct that should be said without being said.

Enter two well known but very well known and pretentious douchebags.  They’re celebrity types.  And they’re guests at his office.  But they’re not meeting with him today.  I’m not sure if they’re due to meet with him ever actually.

He’s talking to me in instant messenger while working and hears them.  Sure enough, they’re having a meeting right outside his door.  Loud and obnoxious circle jerking.  They are their own kings of awesome.

This has been going on for the past 30 minutes.  He’s had to file a complaint about their behavior.  A little common decency goes a long way.  Pardon me guys but my friend has to work or something.  Now back to ims.

“Complications”

When situations become complex, I’m always the one expected to take the higher road.   I never get to be an asshole “just because.”  It’s this horrible thing I have called a conscious.  (Anyone want to buy it)

This also what I would like to call “doormat syndrome.”  One doesn’t have to be a perfect person by any means to get suckered into this title.  Acknowledgment is halfway out of recovery though.

It doesn’t mean that you are not a good person by not doing what everyone tells you, or rather pressures you into, is the “right” thing.  It makes you human and less of a doormat.

Nice guys finish last for a reason.  They fall into the same catagory- except a lot of times also get the benefit of being friend shelved.  And frankly I’d rather get laid every once in awhile like all the rest of the douchebags I know if I were them.

In my experience, I do agree that taking this route has its benefits.  However consistently taking that route leads to this syndrome.  And it sucks.  You feel trapped into being a nice person.. though your decision, though not their version of the “right thing” may be better for you personally.

I have gone against my own pride and done things specifically because they’re the right thing to do… and a majority of the time, as far as in regards to people complications, it’s bullshit.  There’s other ways to deal with a situation in my opinion.

I’ve found the best thing to do a lot of times, especially where dating is concerned,  is to simply leave things alone.  If you don’t associate with the issue or people, generally things resolve themselves on their own.  Don’t want to deal with someone at a party?  How about you don’t talk to them or make a scene.  See someone you used to date somewhere?  How about if you absolutely can’t avoid it, just have pleasant eye contact be your acknowledgment of their presence.

Avoiding a possibly dramatic confrontation does not have to be impolite.  To some degree, I think it’s actually more polite.

Sure you can call this an unhealthy way of dealing with it.  But what really gets solved by a confrontation?  And more so, if you don’t want further complications, why bother adding more.

Out of sight.  Out of mind.

Because doing the right thing may be all great and dandy sometimes… but there’s a time and place where doing the right thing for you needs to happen.

This is not 1957.  You don’t have to always put on a fake facade like everything is just peachy keen.  Be real.  Be genuine.  But whatever you do, do it for you.  Part of being strong is knowing when to be selfish and not just selfless- lest you get walked all over constantly.  Ah the beauty of free will right?)

I thought that was against the bible, sir/ Conformity = Loyalty

Sunday evening’s ramble yesterday with family ended in dinner. Yes, believe it or not, yours truly cooked dinner and washed the dishes for a family affair. Lucky me, I got to bbq in the 100 degree weather. Woot.

It was a day full of disdain, as I wrote earlier with the rant on normalacy.

Yet again, even with a day off, we go back to work ethics. This time there was someone who was fired from her job recently in order to make room for some cheaper labor. The woman was unfortunate to have too much experience. Now I am not sure weather or not that these clients in question were ones that she’d helped the company aquire on her own accord, or not. That could make some difference to this arguement.

It was discussed in family discussion though, that the person should take their clients and branch off to do the business on her own. Which raises the eyebrow for me a bit… while the perspective previous employer may have not been the best about firing her (she still collects unemployment bc the company was gracious enough to tell the gov’t a good reason so as she would get it- per her severance), being the sensitivity of the information of the clients (medical billing), they could be within their rights to keep their clients. Or should the woman be able to walk with them? Where is the ethical line? Do NDAs (Non Disclosure Agreements) not hold any merit? Isn’t this, in a way, essentially stealing?

How is this ok behavior morally and ethically sound?

Todays debaucle.. 2 little dots.

Living in Southern California, I would think that we are a little more liberal and open minded about appearances. The West End is a cultural melting pot. It’s not uncommon to see people with facial piercings actively working with customers. Or, well it’s supposed to be more acceptable.

However, despite the fact that I live in “uppity organic indieville,” I have recently run into what my dad has secretly, and well, not very secretly hoping would happen. Ah yes, for the first time since moving to this area, I was told my facial piercing would be an issue, and would have to be removed and/or covered up in as cosmetically pleasing way possible.

My piercing holds personal weight to it. I’m not going to go into it now, but if you are close, you will know exactly what it means. In a vague nutshell, my marriage had a disastrous ending. Some things that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone happened… and I got my piercing as a representation from where I’ve come from. True, that I should not “need” it to get through what I did. However, it’s as much a part of me as any appendage is to someone… and so, when someone says “Oh just take it out, it’s no big deal.” It really is.

Conformist lemming nonsense yet again.

So how is that acceptable? You cant discriminate because of sex, religion, or sexual preference… tell me what, praytell does me having a non-offensive piercing have to do with my ability to work? How is it any different from any of the other things that companies are not allowed to not hire you for?

How is it that we have affirmative action where people get jobs SPECIFICALLY bc they are x minority but there is not anything for people like me.. or hell “worse” than me? Have we not evolved as a society enough yet? What the hell was that whole womens liberation movement about? The freeing of the slaves? The countless Religious struggles?

This country was founded by church going types. They didn’t want to be oppressed by their monarchy, yet they do the same selective biggotry here like it’s nothing. It makes sense. It is after all, one of the negative traits of organized religion* (in my experience).

It’s the same religious individuals running our gov’t and snubbing the alternative, kitsh, and otherwise

*Note-all religions are not necessarily bad. the views & insights of the writer are based on personal experiences & leave open for anyone elses personal beliefs… someone else may have had a better experience, and all the more power to them. I’d rather have positives than negatives with anything*

It’s funny that these are the ones that most frequent their dominatrix… cheat on their wives and partake in alt subcultures but prefer them to remain underground bc god forbid (pun intended) that they be exposed for the sinners they actually are.. and not these morally sound wonders beings.

Morals and ethics and selective censorship.. who makes these things up? Why are some things stuck in this teasing game of are we in, are we not 1957?

What’s good for the goose, should be for the gander… and if not, let’s force them through psychological oppression! They’ll never know the difference!