Project Reorganization:The Balancing Act, episode 1

Once upon a time

In a galaxy.. not so far away…

(Hell I oftentimes feel like Los Angeles is another galaxy after living in San Diego, so give me a break!)

There once was a girl who

Was a bit of a socialite.

Perhaps too much.

And while the parties were grand and the people wonderful… for some reason, it just wasn’t enough.  She just wasn’t enough.

And then something happened.

Something remarkable.

Something that you really cannot truly explain with mere answers.

It just was was what it was.

Into the rabbit holes she entered and just as quickly returned.

Of heartache and levity and realization.

Realizing that everything she ever knew was wrong.

Realizing that it was also right.

She pushed further.

She pushed harder.

She changed the cards of her destiny.

Perhaps she was always meant to.

Perhaps they were all always waiting for that day.

She arrived at the destination

and found it was merely the beginning of the journey.

Today was like every other day.

But there is no day like today.

project organization: step 2, rediscovering… found exerpts

I have a lot of notebooks. There’s something about hand written letters and prose that’s.. it’s an artful experience in the process itself. Expression. The feel of a pen. The paper underneath your palm. The motions of scrawling away.. fast.. slow.. constant.. etcetera.

While working away at a project this weekend, I found a few of them. I will be posting more here and there periodically as I find them.

It’s interesting to explore and see how much things have changed.. and yet somehow also remained the same in many ways- as you will notice as I post. The only way a person will fully understand themselves is if they recognize where they failed and do something to correct their lifestyle.

Here are some excerpts from a journal that I started while in San Diego- when I was dating a local artist/photographer:

***

“Not Just Yet”

Today I went out with Aaron for a bit. I bought him a Morrissey cd- his favorite it turned out. How would I know that? It was a mere guess? Maybe my subconscious was talking to me.

Pappa and I had a major ruckus. We’re going to go our separate ways again.. I have lost most all respect for him.

Aaron and I just talked…he said “If I were to get into an exclusive short term or long relationship, I know it would be with you.. You’re the one I want to be with in the end.”

But alas! Not yet…

All I’ve ever wanted was for someone to hold me and tell me “everything is going to be alright.”

***

“The Day After”

Here it is the day after my romp with my beloved Aaron… how right I was in my realization. Yes.. all men have their cycles. His is 5 days. Well I don’t know. I could be wrong.

I got to his apartment yesterday to take care of my ill stricken gent. We visited a friend of his, Kenneth, came by and we became sociable. The two gentleman conversed about their art forms. I was privileged enough to be able to add my commentary.

***

“Bassam’s Cafe”

We went on a photo shoot instead of print week. I was dressed all Brit… Aaron surprised me by pulling out his camera.. him having said “Did I tell you how lovely you look today?” earlier at a Vietnamese doughnut and coffee shop.

I blushed.

He has a way of making me blush.

Walking the streets downtown on the way to print week he took photos. He made me laugh.

We stopped at this cozy little spot called “Bassam’s Cafe.”

Project: life organization- step 1

A couple of weeks ago I went on a date with a gentleman who I’ll just call Vegas.  He moved here not too long ago after a series of unfortunate events that ultimately lead him to eventually get his dream job- working as an artist in a land of childish animation.

I forget exactly how we started talking exactly, but once we started… we were doing it daily.  He asked me out shortly after but I’d been very busy with things going on that it didn’t happen until recently.

He lives on in a different area of town.  It was difficult to coordinate schedules.  I almost made the drive out there on Friday… but I was busy working on something that we’d talked about.

He came out here for sushi and conversation.  We traded stories about how we both ended up in LA.  About failed relationships, broken hearts, and steps forward.

I’d been going through some pictures on my computer this week.  I’m thinking about changing my hair again… I get anxiety and crave change.  When I sifted through the images, I noticed a pattern.  My life somehow picked up when I had a clean house.  Coincidence?

“It was a terrible year last year…”

“Why?”

And I listened to his tale.  A tragic, sad tale.  Accidents.  Love.  The reactions to hardships faced.  It was horrible.

“And then one day, I decided that I was going to make my life better.  I was going to do one little thing everyday consistently and see if things changed.  I made a commitment.”

“Did it work?”

“Yes, as silly as it seems, my life has been better ever since.”

Know what it was?  It was simple. He made his bed every morning.

My room has been in disarray since I’ve moved in.  I blamed the earthquake.  It was pure laziness.  I just didn’t want to deal with it.  Everything in it- terribly unorganized.  I should probably have been embarrassed with how bad it was.  I’m disgusted to even admit that it piled up for so long.

I had some things in the common area.  It had poured out of my room and into the other areas.  Some bins.  Baskets with laundry.  It wasn’t much but it was enough to be annoying that it was there.

So on Thursday night when my roommate told me that a friend of ours was due to come over for the day to play some games on Friday..

It started with a conversation about making a bed…

I have some colored paper lanterns above my bed in a semi circle.  I had the grip put them up a month ago.  However they hadn’t been lit yet.  I needed an extension cord and hadn’t been able to find one.

I have many fond memories of watching my grandmother metamorphosis into this even more regal classic in front of her vanities.  It’s something that little girls dream of.  And antique ones are not very common.  However I got very lucky one evening.  Before I moved here, I was taking the garbage out in my apartment complex and it was just there. A wooden vanity with a round mirror and bench outside of a dumpster.  I was going to have company over any minute from out of town.  I snatched it immediately and have had it ever since.  If I had to name any real prized possession, I’d say that hands down, it’s that vanity.

It had never been put together in 3 apartment moves.  Last Monday after our foodie date (blog coming on that still) the grip helped me finally mount the mirror.

It started with a conversation about making a bed…

I decided that instead of just putting the living room bins in my room and closing the door as I headed out with the grip for our day date, that I was just going to make the commitment and do it.  I wanted a clean slate come Monday morning.  A new job.  A new, clean room.  Step one in life organization- the clean household.

At first, it was tedious.  I seemed like a never ending series of work.  I’d get done with one thing, and there would be a queque of things still left to be done.  It was physically exhausting.

I slept very little this weekend.  I was focused on getting the project to completion.  Hours dropped by. Fast. Slow.  Fast.

The clarity started to enter.  Suddenly ideas were coming out of the woodwork.  Treasures were found.

It all made sense.  This is one of the key things I need to do.  This is something I needed to do for a long time.  Life is grand but it can always be better.

This is a week of organization and focus.  I’m cleaning up my life right now.  In every avenue.

Step 1, here goes.  I’ll let you know how it works out in the meantime.