Letters: An exercise in combating negative decoys

I received the following email yesterday.  Part of me did not want to respond at all- because truly there are times when you just need to ignore things and let go.  However after I looked at this person’s synopsis and learned a bit more about them (albeit from what was written in their words about themselves in digital format) I thought… maybe I should send this message out- a counter of positivity.  Here is the letter sent and the one I wrote back.

TO: CUPCAKECOQUETTE

FROM: ANON

You might be able to fool most people with you flamboyance….but your eyes aren’t happy.

FROM: CUPCAKECOQUETTE

TO: ANON

Usually when someone writes something as negative in nature about someone, it’s a defense mechanism and a wall brought up by their own issues and insecurities.
Whatever yours may be… whatever troubles you have going on in your life…
realize that there is nothing ever solved by lashing out at a stranger.

Happiness is something that can only be determined and realized by the individual. I hope you find yours.

Best of luck and well wishes to you on your journey,
Jennifer Stavros
iamanenigma.com
Muse for Hire

*edit* The user wrote back… and, well.. my foot tastes like chicken.  Will there be another blog about it? Well that one you never know.  I guess you will just have to stay tuned to find out.

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Baby steps: taking the initiative to succeed in the workspace

Jennifer Stavros

Los Angeles, CA

[phone number]

Dear Hiring Manager,

Hello again. A pin dropped and echoed on the floor after I hit send.  I knew then that I likely ruined my chances at getting your proofreader position due to 2 spelling errors within my objective.  I went to a business meeting about career development and discussed it.  I knew that this position is the perfect opportunity for me and yet, I’d botched it.

I had initially wanted to write this email and hesitated.  Frankly, I was afraid.  Then I realized something after some thought:  the worst thing that you could do was simply not hire me.

So here goes nothing.  Attached you will find another copy (a re-proofread resume).  Here’s hoping that you give me a chance.  I am eager to provide the best quality service possible for the [redacted company name]. I look forward to speaking with you further.

With Utmost and Kindest Regards,
Jennifer Stavros

and yes, I really sent this.  In my mind, I had to.  Freelance copy gigs are amazing when they come, but at the same time… even if I don’t get this job, I’m proud that I had the guts to write it.  Baby steps.  It’s going to be alright. Now someone hire me already damnit.

Feature: Losing my cosplay [in public] virginity

It was 9pm Wednesday night when I got the text that I needed to make another arrangement to get to comic con if I wanted to be there by Thursday. Having missed preview day I was a bit bummed.

I thought that I would just go on Friday. Then a friend called me to ask me about it, and mentioned I could stay with them. I was thankful. I honestly couldn’t afford to go when you added gas, car, and a room to the mix. I didn’t have the heart to tell anyone.

I made a last minute tweet that I was looking for a ride down. I was frustrated and went to bed shortly after.

6am:
I get a message saying that a friend of mine can get me there if I get him the address. It was last minute and I hadn’t packed at all. I am a huge procrastinator sometimes and going on trips was at the bottom of my expectations right now with my budget.

I was ecstatic. I jumped out of bed and frantically started to get ready. I had less and less time before the friend got me. He was trying to beat traffic and was only going down there for a day of coverage for his site.

I have a suitcase with various costume garb in it: wigs, dresses, outfits. They were waiting for the right time. Around Halloween especially, my costume fetish gets more insane. If you open up my glove compartment in my truck you will find pieces of costumes for on the fly situations. I am always prepared to be someone else if the mood suits me or if there’s a costume party. And yes, I’ve had to use them before.

But here’s something most people don’t know: I’ve never cosplayed in a convention setting, let alone something as massive as Comic Con. I have been nervous and intimidated by the costumes that people have. I’ve had children so am paranoid about my body at times. I realize now, that’s silly.

The suitcase that holds costumes in my room was perfect size for the con. I dumped it out, thinking I would think about wearing the one I wore for Halloween and threw too many clothes into a suitcase. As cliché as it sounds I know that many women tend to over pack when in a rush, and I’m no exception.

What I didn’t expect though was that the costume I’d originally thought that was in there wasn’t. A different one was. A child sized Supergirl costume that hadn’t made the light of day last Halloween season somehow.

When I was at the hotel on Saturday to get something I noticed it. Friends told me that it would be the perfect time to wear it. I guess you have to start sometime huh?

I was amazed. I can understand why so many people enjoy cosplaying for the conventions. I wish I had done it sooner. This costume that I thought was silly and cheesy got smiles and attention that made me blush the whole time. Cosplay was not only fun, but it was empowering.

I did it because I was dared to do it- for however silly as it sounds, this is what seems to work for me in cosplay situations. I wore a wig to work on my first day to EA as a tester and had it on for 3/4th of the day before taking it off and revealing my real hair. Why was I so afraid to do it where so many people are doing it anyway?

For women out there everywhere, I implore you to take advantage of the events and cosplay at least once in your life, and not for the reasons you may think.

There were men, women, and children of all shapes and sizes and every color of the spectrum both racially (well, Klingon is a race too isn’t it?) and in technicolor. There is zero reason for you to be afraid. The cosplay community is very open and warm regardless if you’re a first timer like I was or are a veteran.

Do not be afraid to be who you are. Do not be afraid to be someone else sometimes- weathers its Batgirl or Alice in Wonderland or your favorite anime character. Be creative. Be a copycat. You will be surprised how much fun you are missing out on if you don’t either way… trust me. I’m officially hooked. Tack one up for another vice. My pocketbook is going to hate me.

Lasts.

“This is the last phone call I will make to you. I cannot do this anymore.  You are emotionally toxic to me and I do not like what you turn me into.  I think that it would be best if we did not talk to eachother.  I am very hurt and frustrated about the whole Comic Con mess.  You refuse to effectively communicate with me in a positive fashion. If we see eachother, I will smile and wave, but do not want to speak or otherwise interact with you. I do not feel that you respect me as a person- love interest or otherwise- because if you did, you wouldn’t do this.  It’s poor form and I won’t have it.  Goodbye.”

That was the voice mail I left the grip before heading down to Comic Con this week.  It felt overdue but needed to be done.  In the past I will admit: I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend to him.  I wasn’t good in many ways to him at all.  So many things that have transpired just in the last month, let alone prior that I just couldn’t handle it anymore.  Hense the pause to my blog and privatizing of my main twitter account.

This wasn’t the first conference fubar from him.  We talked about going to numerous cons together and none of them ever happened.

CES:

He was supposed to get the passes and make the travel and hotel arrangements.  I was working at EA at the time.  I requested the time off months in advance.  He assured me he would take care of it.  I was excited to go to my first real trip to Vegas with my then significant other.

A month before the event, I realized there was another major conference happening at the same time.  I asked him if he’d booked the hotel.  He assured me that he would take care of it, and that he’s waited to book before and never had an issue with it.

“It’s Vegas.  There’s always something.”

Two weeks pass.  I ask him again for another status update.  Did he get the passes as he said he was?  He still hadn’t booked the hotel. Passes still hadn’t arrived.

Days before the conference, the tickets still had not arrived.  He hadn’t booked the hotel.  I think you can see where this is going.  Vegas never happened.

E3:

This was one of two cons a year that is the most important for me to attend- from both a business and personal aspect.  We were going to go together.

I was told I couldn’t get into the conference using the site that I write for as my press credentials.  (That turned out to be wrong.)   He told me he didn’t think he was going to be able to get in either.

And then I saw the bragging tweets…

I did go to E3 this year, but I did so on my own accord.  We did not see eachother during that time.  Instead we argued and the day that we’d planned to see eachother, he left without warning for an out of state roadtrip for two weeks.  I found out when I got home via a blog post.  Thank you for the consideration.

Comic Con:

When I saw that one of the show dates had been sold out I immediately filed for another way in.  There was not going to be anything that would stop me from attending.  I wasn’t going to take a chance that I might not get in press wise.  This one was in the city that has my heart.

Again he told me he would take care of the hotel and transpo.  While I have been doing a few freelance gigs, the market is slow right now.  I had a microscopic budget and I was relying on him to follow through.

The long story short of it is that he didn’t. On Wednesday night I received a text telling me that I should get a ride down so I could be there for the panels I was supposed to cover for the site I was representing.  I needed to be there and this was now getting in the way of my work.

I realized I could not allow this to continually happen.  I was giving him too much power to hurt me, and it wasn’t good for anyone. I was turning into this person that I didn’t want to be around, let alone want to be around other people.  I had escaped in myself and disappeared off the radar to most everyone.

“This is the last phone call I will make to you. I cannot do this anymore.  You are emotionally toxic to me and I do not like what you turn me into.  I think that it would be best if we did not talk to eachother.  I am very hurt and frustrated about the whole Comic Con mess.  You refuse to effectively communicate with me in a positive fashion. If we see eachother, I will smile and wave, but do not want to speak or otherwise interact with you. I do not feel that you respect me as a person- love interest or otherwise- because if you did, you wouldn’t do this.  It’s poor form and I won’t have it.  Goodbye.”

A weight was lifted off my shoulders this week.  Miraculously, I was not only to attend the con, but thanks to people in my life- I not only did, but it was life changing.  I took a stand for myself again.  I got up and walked away.

I was told when I was little that I was a hopeless case.  Since then, I rarely can give up on people despite how much they fail me.  It has lead to many problems with being taken advantage of: from my ex husband raping me, to a girl stealing money from me, etcetera etcetera.

I’m no ones puppet.  My friends look to me for strength and I let some dude piss all over me emotionally.  It was time I did something about it.

I am a fighter and a lover.  I don’t deal well with additional drama.  It was not needed at all.  In a town I love and call home you will not do that to me.  The first half of the first day I let him bother me, but it was smooth sailing after that.  And then I started to feel guilty about it.

I called to apologize for being so abrasive.  I told him he’d hurt me and I just did not think his actions were things that I would ever want someone to do to me, weather it was a friend, lover, or even an acquaintance.  I texted him.  I was testing him.  He passed and did not contact me the entire time I was gone.

When I got home my curiousity got the best of me.  I looked at his timeline to see if he had gone.  This is a person whom I used to share my love of comic books with that I care deeply about.  I was curious how his trip had gone & if he’d gone.

Sure enough, he had.  We had somehow missed eachother at parties.  Fate would not let us see eachother.  I think it was a mixed blessing.

I messaged him a hello.  We talked a bit about the con.  He let me make the step.  I remained firm.  I did not want this vicious cycle to continue any longer.  Who would have thought that after all that,  I think there may have been some small steps towards progress into a potential friendship again.  I guess I really am emotionally masochistic sometimes.  Here’s to a closing of an old chapter and a start of a new one.  Finally, its about time.