Choose your own Adventure

I went to a business meeting at last night in Pasadena. While the restaurant itself was beautiful, I had to chuckle upon entering the bathroom. It was quite a choose your own adventure sort of moment.

Excerpt from my yelp review of the place:
There was one odd thing about this place- the bathrooms. They are single occupancies. The women’s bathroom when you walk in has what I would assume would be a changing table, but it felt like an afterthought. It was more like a table that someone just put a white linen tablecloth over and said oh I’m sure this be smiled upon.

The toilet itself though is where it reminded me of a Halloween episode of the Simpsons. You know, that one where theres a lever that says to go down the crypt or the super fun happy slide.

It was a very deep toilet that atop had 2 buttons- push this for a small flush, push this for a large flush. Suddenly I am a toddler again. I did my business and pressed the small button. As I was about to leave I looked back and was compelled to push the large button. I noticed no difference in the flushes. But who knows… maybe there is something going on in there that I don’t know about. All I know was there were no secret doors to bring me to merriment visa vi of a super fun happy slide nor were there mercenaries to take me to my untimely grave nor did I melt away from picking the wrong grail.

Dear Cafe Bizou, I realize that you are trying hard to impress me, but that last move was just cheap.

supersize me

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The “Ryan” effect

Once is chance.  Two is happenstance.  Three?  Four?  Alright, perhaps there’s a pattern here.

Statistics show that if your name happens to be Ryan, there is a higher chance that I will be attracted to you.  It may sound completely ridiculous, but I assure you, it’s true.

On various instances I’ve run into this instance.  The guy I dated when I was at my last gaming job?  His name was Ryan.  The guy I’ve had my eye on at work at yet another gaming job?  Also named Ryan.

As I write this, I’m sitting next to this same guy.  He knows the blog is being drafted and feels a bit flattered by it.

This weekend something strange, yet Ryan related happened with the Grip.

We were talking about how inaccurate public records are, when the topic peered its way in.  Without distinction, I started talking about a Ryan.  He stopped me to interject with a story about how him and a friend of his- also named Ryan found that their birth certificates and social security had the names mixed up.

“Awesome, so your name is officially Ryan then?!  Great.  Now I can fuck both of them without having to worry about messing up the names..”

I don’t know why it’s happened.. but I just thought it was a bit odd.  Hot Ryans of the greater Los Angeles/ San Diego.. please send me your numbers.

help, someone spiked my drink.. with bacon

So me & the grip were putzing around online the other night before going to see Choke (which is awesome btw, I’m behind in writing the review) and I’m not sure how exactly this got brought up, but I felt a need to share this with the class… He said that a trip to Vegas may be in order so he could take me to a bar that has this, & claims it to be deliciousness.

oye.

bacon infused martinis?!

omg.. and this is *not* a joke?

w.t.f.

btw, inc you really want to try this, here’s the recipe:

Bacon Vodka

makes up one pint

Fry up three strips of bacon.
Add cooked bacon to a clean pint sized mason jar. Trim the ends of the bacon if they are too tall to fit in the jar. Or you could go hog wild and just pile in a bunch of fried up bacon scraps. Optional: add crushed black peppercorns.
Fill the jar up with vodka. Cap and place in a dark cupboard for at least three weeks. That’s right- I didn’t refrigerate it.
At the end of the three week resting period, place the bacon vodka in the freezer to solidify the fats. Strain out the fats through a coffee filter to yield a clear filtered pale yellow bacon vodka.

Decant into decorative bottles and enjoy.

Lessons Learned this week

  • 20- Hot curlers can “safely” be left on all day.
  • 19- No matter how cute you look in short shorts or a short dress, DO NOT even think about wearing it in public in a club or a bar unless you want every single loser to approach you. Because the worthwhile guys will not approach someone that looks like a hooker unless they just want sex. Ladies, DO invest in a couple of pairs of really good jeans.. or jeans with a “handle.” I swear by mine. Also DO wear the top thats low enough to show off, but not so low as your ladies are everywhere to be seen.
  • 18- Racial or religious discussions should never be discussed while drinking. Nor at work. This is something I knew already but however it still happened.
  • 17- Many people do not understand what’s involved in the fetish scene.. even people who think that they really do. And people that you may think wouldn’t, you need to look out for.. because they probably actually do have more of an idea then you think.
  • 16- If you want to see just how tough a guy is call him a vagina even in teasing or question his manhood. The more you do, the more he will feel the need to prove that he’s a man. This is actually quite awesome a majority of the time. It will tell you which ones have a sense of humor and which ones just don’t have the skin tough enough to deal with it. (Btw, yes this was a test, you passed)
  • 15- If you’re going to get drunk and text, twitter it. Why? Because even if it doesn’t go through on there, it will still go through to your Friendfeed, and you can go “Wtf was I thinking?!” later (this is really bad advice btw)
  • 14- When all is said and done, no matter how much your best friend detests who you are interested in, she will still be willing to put the both of you up in her apartment cross country.. provided you are not that one guy she personally can’t stand (and no dear, she’s not even talking about you.. she said she would deal with you… lol.. just not dakine)
  • 13- Cool people write you a message telling you happy birthday in a digital means. Awesome people send you hand written cards in the snail mail and send you flowers from halfway across the world. (I appreciated both btw, just laugh if you didn’t do the second part!)
  • 12- The way you can truly gage a friends love for you is not how much money they are able to lend you in a bind, how often they call or write.. no the way to any friends true heart is if they are willing to spend 12 hours slaving over apple butter because that’s what you said you had a craving for.
  • 11- Fake eyelashes turn heads… like majorly in a good way, in the right places… in most everywhere I went actually.
  • 10- If you have to pack extra shoes, double check both are in your bag. Specifically in a rush. Or I hope that you’re happy with the other ones.
  • 9- Never call work and ask about friends switching shifts before plans are indeed solid solid (which is weird because its part of making them solid solid)
  • 8- Never have clean clothes on the floor of any room while drinking. It doesn’t matter if you are the one drinking or they are. If you don’t want to do laundry later, just move em.
  • 7- Never carry a book with the word “Sex” vividly on the cover on any form of public transportation. Even the ones who look conservative will wink at you… it doesn’t matter how classy you dress.
  • 6- Never get on/pay for a train before asking the question “Are you sure you want me on this train?” no matter what the conversation sounds like before doing so.
  • 5- When you know your limit, tell people that are too drunk to understand, just to stfu.
  • 4- Never leave the house without spare lipstick, eyeliner, the cell phone, music, pen, and notebook. Also for me, it’s my camera, extra batteries, and chargers.
  • 3- The timetables and phone numbers of the Metrolink, Amtrak, and all bus services need to be memorized, put on speed dial on the cell, and rushed last minute emergency procedures need to be planned in advance, so as not to miss any trains or busses in the future.
  • 2- All tech devices are to be kept charged as much as possible at all times. Having multiple chargers is a must for would be last minute travelers.

and the biggest, most important rule of all…

  • 1- If its a weekend, or any day that you think your friends may have off, ALWAYS, and yes ALWAYS get dressed that day like you are going to have a last minute date.. because you never know when someone will randomly call and just say “hey, let’s do something…”

(case in point, it’s 1030 am and I have a date right now and need to head out.. and of course I was too busy making this list then to get dressed and ready to go out =p)