I’m not a pervert, I’m a beauty enthusiast: the sensalization of video game characters in the modern era

Memorial Day has come and gone and with it brought the sun out not just for those outdoor beach nuts, but also for the nerds.  Nerds from across the country have been waiting for these sacred moments.  Ah, yes to count down the days before the two biggest conferences of the year: E3 and Comic Con.

A couple of weeks ago, there was a Pinup Fundraiser featuring Diablo Cody and burlesque pinup queen Masuimi Max.  The fundraiser was to help raise funds for military wives.  The women there, were of that 50s quality that exuded looks reminiscent to Betty Paige and Marilyn.  Even the crowd was hot.  Looking around, you were surrounded by lounge lizard dreams and Varga dames.

The same night however, on another side of town, was another burlesque show.  In fact, it was something entirely different.  It was a unique spin catered to my generation of nerds.   Instead of your standard rockabilly divas, cosplay clad women dressed (and undressed) in your favorite video game character outfits.  The light shined down yet again.  Video game burlesque had been born.

Blood Rayne (via LA Weekly)

The cast of characters was short.   Most of which stayed true to that of the 8 bit stylings that have swept the art stream- therefore appealing to a wider potential crowd.

Every gamer’s wet dream came true at Bordello on May 9 as Devil’s Playground presented Video Game Girls burlesque. The dancers arrived armed and outfitted for an arcade battle, and included Super Mario Bros. Princess Peach, Metroid’s Samus Aran, Street Fighter’s Chun-Li, The Legend of Zelda’s Link and Princess Zelda, and BloodRayne’s Rayne.

From what I’ve seen on the LA Weekly, and among the talk from friends, I would venture to say that the show went well.  I was among the first to catch wind of the story in my circle of friends and twittered immediately about my disappointment for missing the debut.  The grip, as well as my best friend Mo, all discussed it more.  Mo and I were determined to see it.

Thankfully there is still hope.  For the others like me, and those who are in town for the conference this week are open to attend an encore showing this Tuesday Night at the Bordello- the same club as it was previously.

flyer for the encore presentation of Videogame Burlesque

I’m not a pervert, I’m a beauty enthusiast.

So, hot girls wearing cosplay costumes stripping down… is bad how exactly?  You wouldn’t think so due to the ever popular and already existing erotica aimed at geeks, Nerdcore.  Nerdcore depicts pictures of girls covered in video games, to super heroes, to sci-fi true geek warefare attire…. and nude.  It has been the epicenter of nerd porn juxtaposition previous to newer alternative sites like Zivity that cater towards a more digitally connected technophile.

Nevertheless, I was reading a blog on my friend Alex’s site Girl Gamer, to see that a few people were unhappy about the burlesque show.  Strange, because most everyone I’d talked to personally (both male and female) had said relatively nothing to say beyond praise about the whole concept of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love cos-play as much as any other geek out there, but when fantasy turns to reality in a degrading manner for female gamers just to satisfy some male fetish, I have a problem. How can the dancers arrive “armed and outfitted for an arcade battle”, when all their gear comes right off? I guess Princess Zelda has powers I’ve never heard of, and I don’t even want to ask where Princess Peach will be pulling out those mushrooms from. I have to wonder, as decade-old characters that we all grew up with, is this what we have reduced them to, and is this how we now portray them? I doubt our delicate Princess Peach would ever participate in a burlesque show, and don’t think Link or Mario would ever see the princesses as “fairest” anymore.

I’m sorry, but it’s the video game industry.  Do you really think those game developers made the characters the way they did so that you wouldn’t come back for more? It’s the entertainment industry for Christ Sakes.

Sex sells games.

That’s why there are successful game series like the Leisure Suit Larry and Dead or Alive.  Hell, in the game I tested for SOE, Untold Legends 3, if you look closely, the main playable female character’s breasts actually pulsate.  Game developers and players alike are perverts.  It’s natural.  Back in the days before it was less pop for females to like video games, the target demographic was… (drum roll please) men!

Ok, so you want to get into semantics then?  Sure, I can do that.

Don’t you also think it’s kind of odd that Princess Peach was being pursued and saved by two brothers?  Their occupation being plumbers.  Let’s be realistic.  Princess Peach was likely a slut getting her plumbing fixed by the both of them.  Toadstool was the equivalent of either her gay friend or some kid with a crush on his teacher.  And her name” Peach?”  Hmm, I wonder what that might be referring to.

Why Mario really saved the Princess repeatedly

Why Mario really saved the Princess repeatedly

The other thing is that when you add the fetish world to the equation, and the fact that the I am 8-Bit gallery exhibits and the steady stream of retro gaming energy drinks and merch of various kinds (like this blooper keychain I got last week) lining the shelves,  and graphiti making headlines and the pinup subculture gaining more appeal and this was bound to happen sooner or later.

Burlesque is a tasteful, classier, and artistic approach to making the dreams of millions come alive.  I think the cartoon above is 10xs more offensive than real women enacting pixelated fantasies on stage for fun.  Sure it’s not technically accurate to the games entirely.  It’s an artistic strip show.  They’re on the stage prancing about and dancing.  They’re not getting plunged right on the stage.  And if you’re thinking there isn’t porn out there catering to that crowd, you’re naive- especially if you live in LA or have been to any metropolitan area.

As far as the entertainment factor goes, I’m for equality. What happened to including a shirtless Rayu or Tidus? If you add men to the mix I’ll be at the front of the stage drooling.

Personally I really couldn’t get into the whole male stripper community.  Chipendales never did anything for me.  I guess because they didn’t seem real.  My idea of the perfect man… let’s just say for now that it’s not a Chipendale. I like a fit and athletic man, but honestly, beefy guys generally lead me to those 80s meathead stereotypes.

Is that hypocritical psychology?  Probably.  But no one in their right mind would say that they watched a Van Damme or a Schwartzeneger movie because they were portrayed to be intellectually superior.  It was all about the “ooo muscles” factor.

As far as the entertainment factor goes, I’m for equality. What happened to including a shirtless Rayu or Tidus? If you add men to the mix I’ll be at the front of the stage drooling.

Well, for one, Tidus was gay.  That whole thing about falling in love with Luna was likely a coverup.  I mean, look at how he was in the storyline.  Straight men just aren’t that sensitive.  Not when they dress like that.  It screams “I’m a closet homosexual.”  Which is perfectly fine and.. dandy.  I can’t bitch about it because I’m a one calorie fag too.

That said, they really should do something like this for the gaymer community. I’m sure that there’d be hordes of all walks that would love to see men dressed like Link or Ash from Streets of Rage.  I read an article awhile back that Link was voted the hottest game character by the gay community.

Ash- Streets of Rage 3 Japanese Version

Ash- Streets of Rage 3 Japanese Version

So sure, let’s make it even playing ground.  I think it would be awesome and everyone wins.  But then again, that’s what I thought about the female version.  I guess I must be a bit biased.  I mean, I’m typically “one of the guys” as far as mindset goes.  I’m open about my sexual prowess. The line of what I find being tasteless vs artful may be a bit off the conventional path.

I know that by writing this, I run the risk of potentially being seen in a very negative light.  On one hand, I’m more than likely a hero for saying what many didn’t want to say in public.  On the other, I’m sure it could be construed that I’m an asshole sexist pig.  I am willing to face the consequences.

I’m just sick and tired of people whining about every damn little thing.  The internet is evil.  Television is evil.  Wa wa wa… evil evil evil evil.

No, it’s not cheapening my experience or appreciation of the games.  I repeat the obvious, they’re for entertainment value.  So if lines of paying patrons of both sexes want to line up in droves (and I have a hunch being that it’s during E3 festivities, there will be quite a few people there) why complain?  I’d go to it regardless of the sex- regardless of my sexual preferences.  The concept melts two fantasies for me.  Beats the hell out of ren faires.

Again this is nothing compared to what they could be doing.  Open minded individuals, I’ll see you there.  I’ll be that “cool chick” with my guy friends enjoying it.  Let the flaming commence, I’ll go grab a cigarette.

Kk thnx bai.

Ah office politics

I work in a male dominated industry which has its perks and its drawbacks.. today the latter becomes more and more evident.

My evening last night wasn’t horrible, but wasn’t outstanding either. I pulled a favor for someone a few months ago, only to get politely snubbed with a smile on her face. I knew I never should have done said favor for said person and now it’s biting me in the ass. But horray for so called “friends” right?

Ah, LA. Sometimes I miss home… but not for the reasons you’d think. And then I remember that my family lives there… and that notion goes right back out the window just as quickly as it came.

Enter the cute guy from work. Day 1- he starts messaging me and we start talking. He tells me that I’m beautiful. I blush and don’t think anything of it. In reality, I dismiss the notion automatically. While yes, he’s cute, I had initial doubts on the whole situation.. office politics.. being interested in someone at work… it’s a touchy subject even if there never is any touching.

The week progresses and the flirting becomes less subtle. It’s a mutual attraction and all seems fine. Perhaps this is when my coworkers started to notice. Perhaps not.

Long story short, it didn’t work out. I blogged about the reason why.. but we still continue to talk and occasionally flirt. Nothing said has been uncomfortable but it makes me wonder after the conversation I had with my boss. (Yes I was pulled aside about it)

This conversation led to another conversation with exchanges of what was being said in the company pool about each other by others. Specifically other people that I do not know.
“Nasty” and “Freak” and not in a good way.

Truth be told.. I could deal with people saying quite a bit about me.. “slut,” “tease,” and “bitch” are generally the pleasantries I hear commonly. I brush them off and laugh. And really the only word that was said that bothered me was “Nasty.” I look in the mirror and don’t see that. I look inwardly and don’t feel that. How my existence is laughable to guys I barely know is beyond me. I don’t exactly work in a GQ industry either. No one here is model worthy.. not me or anyone else.

So seriously.. w..t…f.

And then I see the news about Prop 8.. we have grown as a country but we as a people never grow up from childish behavior. Judging other people for garbage reasons. Awesome. Thank you for reminding me why I am frequently a cynic.

Ah yes, no more talking to anyone at work.. about most anything as of right now. Woo! Is it beer thirty yet? Please?

Dear cell provider, ty for hindering my sex life

I am about to call Tmobile to tell them that for some reason the MMS messages I’ve sent over the past week have not gone through.  Very important ones.  Ahem.

My initial reaction was to accuse said person’s cell phone network for the issue.  “Can you hear me now?”  Hear this Verizon… what the fuck is up with my man not getting his deserved nudies?

I recruited a trusted friend to try and help me out… to forward the picture to him if it went through.

Status?  Lost in cyberspace of course.

Recovering from my 3 days up nearly nonstop at Tc50, damn me if I wanted a little naughty time.  He had to work yesterday.  I persuaded him to take a late “nooner” and get over here.  He’s still working now.  Ah the joys of having a Hollywood non 9-5, 9-5 right?

Damned messages not going through.  Though I honestly doubt that it would hinder my bedroom antics… I have readily accessible cock via other means and I haven’t even looked on Craigslist.

I’d just like to take this moment though to rant about my “wonderful” service that’s supposedly the best in California.  Yeah… my ass!  Or actually.. not.  Boo!(

Maybe I really will look at joining the iprom now that I have it sitting there calling my name.  I’m just worried about the minutes.. which heh, if I didn’t have would just hinder my sex life xs 2.

yadda yadda yadda

Things that annoy me about certain games:

  • Not being able to jump when walking.  Yes, I have ADD and need something to occupy my time as I walk around into battles.  Otherwise it’s not cost effective of my time (need mountain dew) and will get bored easier.
  • Tutorials:


  1. You jacknife me into the first battles of a game without having a clue how to use the combat system.  Granted, I play quite a lot of RPGs, but if I didn’t, I may be even more annoyed by this.
  2. If you give me a game over without a tutorial, you are aggravating me that much more.  What a ridiculous intro.  It’s like saying “Hey welcome to the game-I’m not going to give you a heads up on anything, so you can now feel free to die repeatedly while you attempt to figure it out.  Isn’t that fun?”  Um.. no it’s not.
  3. Babying too much in a tutorial.  Alright, so some combat systems really don’t need that intense of a tutorial if at all.  But if you baby me too much, I’m just as likely to get bored easily. See point 1

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to more important things.. like making my own erm.. looking at porn again.

3 G Energizer

If you can keep pulling this off, I’m going to have to tell my introduce you as “This is my friend Jena.. the Terminator…”

Yeah, I’m so not a morning person. I can’t wait until its the “weekend” again.. I was supposed to go in 30 minutes ago…

“Hey I know you work till 5, but do you think you could come in for a long shift at 10?”

Yeah, sure I said. Because I’m a dumb ass. She said go ahead and come in at 11 if I want to today though.. and that’s what I decided to do.
I haven’t worn makeup in 2 days.. and it’s a bit funny.. I’m getting hit on almost more than I do when I have it on. I was told I look a lot better without it. It’s part of my game of escape though. I know that I don’t really need it.. but feel so boring and mundane looking otherwise. Meh. Minimal stuff works too. I think that’s what I’ll do today.

A couple of guys at my jobs asked me about my San Diego plans coming up.. said that they were jealous. One of them went so far as to saying that he would move to San Diego with me. I told him that

  • a- me going down there was something specifically for me.. I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time
  • b- I have multiple offers to go live with guys in a few areas of the country and essentially never have to work again but that has no appeal to me as it’s not a challenge
  • c-Even if I was serious with someone, the likelihood that I’d move in with them is not there.. just because I like my independance and
  • d-all of this is moot because I’m both
  1. looking for female roommates preferrably and
  2. have a rule that I don’t date people from work, specifically at my level or department

There seems to be a bit of this inquisition going around. People that really have no right getting jealous over me and others that seem to have a problem with me making choices to do things that I’ve been working my ass off to do. I was getting complaints about standing up to dad and holding my ground about the move.. horray now I feel a bit guilty for what? For doing what I want to do.

Summation? Conscious for sale. Get me home, and someone friggin give me a better job already.

proving myself when need not be proven

Some people never can seem to be happy enough. I have been working my ass off with 2 jobs.. looking for more.. and I still am hearing about things from pops. The roommate situation got even more hellacious and shes not even here. It’s been a week of catch up with life, and I’m doing my damnest to keep trudging on and look for something better.

Oh the week of my birthday has been a bit debaucherous and the apartment is a mild version as to why.
There are some clothes scattered on the floor from days with no roommate home so being able to just lay around naked. I haven’t washed the dishes because she left most of hers in the sink when she left. It’s not horrible here, but its not super clean.

I can’t stand the mess but I honestly hadn’t been home much to sit in it… and today I am and it’s raining, so I really don’t want to do anything but veg and maybe bake some cupcakes.

I was supposed to have gone down to San Diego last night. I called Daddy about the metro to see if perhaps when I’d called there to find out the train schedule it was any different.. and got a lecture.
I was offered to go down there by someone whom I’d previously dated and hadn’t seen in over a year. It was a bit of a birthday present/ well… nunya.

I was spoiled this week by friends who took care of me. I got flowers sent to me on my birthday, and went out for drinks with new friends. I had a great birthday. I feel very fortunate.

And my dad has helped me out alot.. but I’m doing the best that I can to change that he’s helping me. I have spent a total of $40 on myself.. half of which was food and I felt guilty about over the past month. I think I should be entitled to have a bit of a social life here and there… it balances it out a bit.

I had orientation for my overnight job yesterday. I start my official duties there on Sunday night… after a night of working over at the juicer. I’m excited. I missed working in the back stockroom. I’m hoping it was as good as I’d remembered. Ah one job where I will be free of dealing with customers. Then onward home to sleep a little bit before I go back to the day job at 11. Woo.

Tuesday I have an interview for a 3rd job. I got a call about a 9-5 position that may be open nearby as well today.

Point being, with everything that I’m doing, I shouldn’t have to prove myself to anyone anymore should I? I have a lot on my plate and I’m being responsible with things here.
I don’t expect my friends or anyone to have to pay for me constantly.. quite frankly, I’m working myself to the bone to minimalize that and save, and pay off some bills… and am still job searching.

How much is it going to take to get my family to say that I’m not lazy? I don’t start school again until July… I checked into possibly trying to get into a university down in San Diego. I can’t get into a “normal” institution until next year. I could get into a community college I’m sure.. but I’d have to be down there.

I’m saving for a car. I’m being fairly responsible.
Actually.. I will sleep even less soon. Sunday-Monday I have to get everything set because it’s going to be pretty nuts. I hope that I can find a time to blog.

He’s worried about me. He thinks people will try and take advantage of me. He thinks I won’t be responsible. I turned 26 this week. I feel guilty 99% of the time I spend money. What more does he want?

“What’s his name?”
“Why does it have to be a him?”
“Because it’s always a him.”
“That’s pretty moot because I’m bisexual anyway dad…”

“Is it a new boyfriend again?”
“Dad, I like to date. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a boyfriend… Furthermore, if I want to date and possibly have sex, I’m old enough and responsible enough to be careful about it. So get over it.”

“I don’t expect you to understand this. I have really awesome friends. I’m careful about the company I keep. I have a good time with them, and I’m fortunate that they take care of it from time to time. I’d do the same for them anyway.”
“There comes a point where they want a return on that investment. And when you don’t put out, they’re going to take it anyway. It’s dangerous..”
“I’m aware. That generally happens to people who are being deceptive about it, and who really aren’t on their guard. I carry mace and wear high heels for a reason dad…”

Hard work deserves a reward every once in awhile doesn’t it?
I think so.
But here we go with this game of validation still.

Obsessive much?

Today’s off topic rant is brought to you by kids who don’t shower and parents that want to get their kid in the AP so badly they will succumb to a publicity stunt.

Ok so you love your team. You love that one specific player. Let’s show your undying adoration for said player by wearing their jersey for 4 years solid! Dear the parent of this 12 year old kid, whiskey tango foxtrot? Seriously.

I was logging in to check my family email account when I saw this story. Horray for more traffic for that!

There’s a difference between a “Linus blanket” that wearing a fucking shirt for that long. It’s obsessive. It’s cult worthy. It’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s a scream for attention. I know I’m not the only one thinking it’s stupid. I’m just bitch enough to say it.

From a journalistic standpoint, and from a parent’s standpoint, it’s a bit disgusting in some ways. There’s a big difference between supporting your kids’ dependency on something that gives them comfort than letting them wear the same damn shirt for 4 years. The line is way back there. It screams publicity stunt. Hell even after a couple of years it’s in the same boat. The joke is only funny for so long. Then you just have to roll your eyes and be parent enough to say “um, no.”

Parental intervention seems to be either too much or not enough these days.

Wow I sound like a square now. I’m going to go look in the mirror just to make sure it’s my face looking back and not my mother’s. That whole thing about becoming your parents when you get older.. to some extent, it’s totally true. Scary. I need to go work out now or something.

Oh and the absolute worst part of this story is that of all teams.. of all players.. it had to have been a Brett Favre jersey. Eww Green Bay cheesers. Gag me.

There’s only one thing that can fully encompass the feeling I have about that… here goes:

Go Bears!

The politics of roommates

Dabbler until recently… I never really had the love hate relationship non relationship that I seem to be having now. Coming home to seas of beer bottles on the counter and a cloud of smoke “Happy 420 mannnn!” Turning things off that were left on for unknown reasons. Getting more OCD than a person on meth, simply because you can’t stand living like a slob…

Except this time, this person does only not put out, but in reality, this is closer to marriage than I thought… no, scratch that- in my marriage I at least got to take his paycheck.

I kid. Ok, so maybe not completely… but hell, there weren’t many great things with married life.. that was definatly one of them.

However, though that horse is of a similiar color, it’s not what I’m getting at. Ah yes, I have joined the ranks of the roommate population.

Politics abound, we come full circle to yet another day in the ring. Or as I call it, the guilt trip tango.

I have never had a roommate before really. Once upon a time years ago when I lived back home in IL, I did have a minor touch and go roommate. It was a nightmare as well.

Here’s basically the summation with that one:

I was intending to move out, so I moved to this apartment with a girl from work. I brought some things over, and left them there a couple of weeks since I was moving in. Deanna decided that she wanted to try and charge me for half the rent when basically her sister never completely moved out of the room, so it was essentially shared. No, I’ll pass on that. When I came to there, the apartment was a mess. I cleaned everything until it shined (I did this with my current roommate as well, but we will get to that in a bit). She had a dog (I’m learning a pattern never to live with people with animals) who was not fixed and a suede couch… disgusting. In the middle of trying to be civil and just working it out, I got into a car accident and nearly broke both of my legs (funny story actually). The apt was on the 3rd floor, and my grandparents said they wanted me back home anyway because I lived too far away. I gave her the notice I was going to leave.. at which point, she took my things I had there- a laptop, a keyboard, some vintage clothes and furniture from the 50s, denied me access to them and sold or kept them. Coming to work and seeing her in my grandmothers vintage leopard peacoat pissed me off to no end. End roommate drama 1.

Then after that, I bounced around some more.. but never had the “pleasure” of a single or multiple roommates. About 5 years ago, another touch and go episode of roommate shannigans- my fiance and I moved in with a friend of mine before moving into a place of our own to start the picket fence life. He worked and insisted that I didn’t. She went to school and sat at home. It wasn’t bad at first.. but then again, it never is. Months later is when the real person comes around.

I wasn’t the housewife type. I’m an artist first and foremost. My grandmother is as well. Her house is a mess. However it’s amazing that when someone else is a slob in your enviornment, you suddenly become this superpower. Their mess is mess. Your mess is “organized clutter.” And it’s true… everytime my husband would move something in our apartments, I would freak. Because if it was in my space, even though it was messy, being put away, well.. that just didn’t do.

When I initially moved into the place I’m at now, I had simple yet difficult criteria to meet. I was looking for a female roommate with no drama and no drugs… in southern California. And preferrably, as I do not have the most conventional of lifestyles, they’d be a bit alternative, or at least understanding of an artist, appearing scatterbrained, not high maintenence but some maintence frequent dater. At first, everything appeared not only alright, but great. She cooked dinner, cleaned up after herself.. hell we even hung out and chatted all sex in the city like. That was short lived of course however.

Current affair: month 2. It was an important week for me last week, and my new roommate knew that. I asked if she could please make sure this place was perfection. I was to have 2 very important guests for the week. My kids- 2 and 3, were going to visit. I had not been able to see them for a year prior to this. (My ex is a douchebag) Granted, my roommate is in her 20s and our apt is not completely childproofed… but a little common sense really does go a long way.

Weeks go by. I gave her plenty of notice this was going to happen. She operated as normal- not seeming to give a shit about anything. I have been cleaning up after her since I’ve been here. It started off small.. the fridge, doing dishes here and there.. the trash being taken out.. but it never seemed to end. I washed dishes a few times and use the dishwasher basically for airdrying. She puts her dirty dishes over my clean ones; thereby making me have to wash them again as well as hers. I took meat out this week to thaw, so I could cook when the kids napped.. go to cook and she had thrown it away.

It’s a constant stream of annoyances and complete lack of understanding for another person. I’m not saying that I expect it to be clean all the time… but for chrissakes, you are an adult, clean up after yourself in a timely manner.. and by timely I don’t mean.. weeks.

When my ex came by I had been cleaning up after the roommate and scrubbing floors all night. I looked like Cinderhella. I’m sure it made him smile to an extent.. though I never did that when I was married to him… not motivational at all. In any event, the house sparkled, and though I was exhausted, I was ready for my visit.

There have been many quirks throughout the entire process of this roommate situation. I have my own personal ones, but since this is my blog, I get to describe hers in great detail, and leave mine to the vague abyss. Neener neener neener nana nana boo boo. Seriously though, to be fair, my quirks have nothing to do with being disrespectful to her in any way.

She has cats- whom she is allergic. My bathroom is off the hallway, and is a shared one. It is bigger, and therefore, the litterbox ends up in there. Fine. But of course, it’s not properly cleaned up… and since my bathroom only has a tub, I frequently use hers between that and the cat smell.

She has other animals in her bedroom though. She lets them out of their cages and.. well.. it’s not clean in there. It’s not my space, and it doesn’t bother me entirely… with exception to when I need to use the shower. These animals also need the apt to be a certain temperature… so the a/c is frequently on like an icebox. I turn on the heat to compensate.. you get the idea. I’ve been sick, and I honestly think her pets are a major contribution to it.

Wow this has sounded like a bitch post.. I haven’t told all of it, but let’s get closer to the point. The night before the visit, I texted her to ask her if she was going to do her dishes and she (a not religious person at all) sent me a response that she was going to an annointing of the sick…

great guilt trip line. true? untrue… doesn’t matter. Because if I don’t accept it, I’m an asshole. I don’t want drama at all. I just want people to take care of their own messes. She doesn’t pay me to be her maid, and quite frankly, I had to clean up after her more than my kids.

The last 2 days before they left, I admittedly slacked. I left a few dishes on the counter and the garbage could have been taken out. I had a personal fiasco I had to deal with, so I figured I would take care of it on Monday or Tuesday when things were back to normal.

I’m not anti-social, but for those people that I really don’t have much of an interest in knowing more, I go in hermit mode. I keep to myself and do my own thing. I don’t like to talk about much because when you open your mouth, it leaves it open to drama- and I wanted this new place to be as drama free as possible. I wasn’t expecting perfection, but I was expecting a bit more here… or well.. hoping that is.

Today she texts me that I need to do the dishes and take out the garbage. This is someone that never does these things… and immediately, snap your fingers because she does her dishes once… or so she acted like. (Her dirty dishes were in the diswasher-I still had to clean them because they were in my way of course).

I wanted her to leave during the day.. I’d felt sick earlier so I wanted the extra day to recover from the week and recoop, and to clean the house. Then lectures?

I wanted to tell her it was bs. I wanted to note the irony. Instead, I wrote drafts and bit my lip… yet again, the control war… I could pull the card and wait till she does it… try subtle hints. But like the broken glass she left on the counter for days when the kids were here, I will end up cleaning it up everytime…

because I don’t want the drama.

Aka: I am a sucker.

I have a conscious for sale. Anyone want it? For some reason, though I know she deserves it, I can’t seem to bring myself to be a bitch. How do I get her to do her own shit? This is out of line. I think I’ll make a seesmic… but likely I’ll just force myself to pass out and prepare for the next daily grind.. damn insomnia. Bah.