Dear psycholady from the UK

Dear psycholady from the UK,

I used to date your boyfriend years ago and we have remained friends.

He used to live in San Diego.

He asked me to go when he left.

For my own personal reasons, I didn’t.

It was hard on both of us when he got on that plane.  He was the best friend I had then.

But it was the best thing.

It was the right thing.

Things happen for a reason.

He wasn’t right for me.

I wasn’t right for him.

We taught eachother things about life.




How we didn’t want a lover to be.  How we could value and abhor sexism.

We both grew up since we were together.  We evolved.

Time passed.

New lovers.

New places lived.

New jobs.

And for awhile back, we were messaging each other quite a bit.  I still have the phone bill from the calls to and from the UK.  We talked so often that I put him on my 5 most called spots in order to save money.  I stayed in a few nights just to talk to him online and on webcam.

I was supposed to visit him next month there in Scotland.  Talks about the passport came back into play.  An ongoing talk 2 years in the making.

You don’t do that shit with people you don’t give a shit about.  There’s no reason for it.

Last I’d heard, he was very despondent due to a failed relationship. He loved this girl dearly.   But he let her go, for reasons I respect and can’t get into here.  For things that were discussed, I told him that I don’t think she deserved him.  He messaged me and we comforted eachother.  It was harmless talking and flirting.  We were two people who served a purpose for one another.

However, I haven’t talked to him in months.

You sent me an email yesterday asking me why I was messaging him recently.

It’s because he and I have been talking for years and I hadn’t heard from my friend in awhile.

He and I have a connection.  We are friends.  I don’t expect a picket fence from him.  It’s not what I want- not from him at least.

As a friend, all I’ve ever wanted was for him to be happy.  I told him- go back to this girl.  Be happy.  Don’t just walk away.  You have to fight for her.  Sometimes you have to give up things in order to get what you want.

I’m hoping that’s what he did.

However if you’re said girl he was pining over, there’s something you should know:

if you truly trust and love someone, perhaps it’s best to mind your own business and leave the situation be.  Did you find something incriminating of me in his inbox or in any of the messages I sent him?  To be frank, if there is anything that you would find, it’s dated.  Dated to times where he told me he was broken up with said girlfriend and he asked for what he received.  Dated to times when said girlfriend didn’t exist.

We’ve mutually talked ill of eachother.

It’s part of our relationship.

Considering you’re dating a sociopath, you should understand that.  It’s a twisted form of devotion.  Most people don’t get it.  And the ones that do have to admit they’re a bit fucked in the head in some ways.  Deviant culture.

If you’re conserned I’m after him though, why would I want to devote my energy and time into someone across the pond anyway?

If you knew anything about me, you would know that I had a couple of long distance relationships and have about given up on the notion of dating someone not local* minus 2 cities in CA which either I frequent or would frequent more often for the right person.

While a trip across the pond to see a friend and catch up sounds fabulous, with or without sex involved, I don’t need to do that.

And to be honest, the sex wasn’t outstanding quite frankly.  The chemistry just wasn’t there.

So the message received to my inbox… which I’m flattered that you investigated enough to find in the first place, was unnecessarry.

I can’t stand whistleblowers.  Specific whistleblowers that are strangers across the pond and not just digital space that think being rude is going to get information for them.

Stay in school lady.

My friend can talk to whimever he wants to.

Be a good woman and let him be.

I don’t want him “that “way.  I just want to make sure he’s alright and hear about his life.  As long as he’s happy, I’m happy.  Even if it’s with some crazy “vindictive” (which he said you would be if/when you ever broke up) broad.  Because that’s what friends are for.  Because that’s what friends do.

“Bros” before hoes.

Deal with it.




This is not the first contact I’ve gotten via this blog about said guy.  There are comments in my moderation queue that were never posted that were just downright nasty.

That said, if I knew he didn’t love this girl dearly, I’d wish they were broken up permanently.  I really don’t like seeing my friend have to deal with that.

The List Blogs: 10 things that make me happy (as written on a card sent to the UK)

Miss Hannah Wingfield of Dundee Scotland asked for postcards with 10 things that make me happy written on them. Since I’ve recently started a series on List Blogs, (not to diminutize you Miss Hannah) I thought it would be fitting to share it with you as well.

!0 things that make me happy are (in no particular order):

  • The ocean
  • stumbling across treasures all around: music, art, fashion, words
  • the sound of the rain (even when its beating down on me as my truck breaks down for the x-teenth time)
  • the full sensory experience: of HOME found in an old darkroom
  • the smell of fresh cut grass, wood, and the smell of gasoline
  • the rush you get when meeting someone new. of learning something new. or the bonus round: learning something new about someone new that you meet.
  • color all around
  • my smiling childrens’ faces & the sound of their laughter too. (Ethan-6, Maddox-4, Sakura-2)
  • postcards & handwritten letters in the mail
  • Life. as generic as it may sound, the feeling of being alive. It’s the most wonderful feeling in this world.