Too Many Tabs and Batches of Insomnia

It’s a little past midnight and I’m wide awake.  Most of the people I’d talk to at this hour are in bed already or about there.  It’s a work day tomorrow for some of them after all.

 

I tried to close the tabs on my browser several times today and got lost.  It happens frequently.  Sometimes too frequently.

I get lost in pages of inspiration.  It’s what breeds more inspiration.

But it has its drawbacks too.

 

My mind resembles my notebooks.  The words run together and twirl and dance.  Sometimes it’s just too fun to play in the rain.

 

Hours drop off like nothing.

Five o’clock becomes eight o’clock becomes midnight becomes…

 

I think I’ve seen as much sunrises as I have sunsets.

(…Well… when I am not sifting through tabs.)

There’s too much to do.  There’s too much information I need to absorb.

Too much.  

Too many.

I wish I could just get some sleep already.

Stupid broken overactive brain.

Advertisements

Here’s to You (and by you I mean me): New Year’s 2014

Where I wasn’t this year:

Happy New Year friends and devoted readers.  And man some of you are really devoted despite how much I haven’t been here.  For that I thank you.  It’s been one hell of a ride over the years especially this one.

But this post is all about the finale.  

 

This New Year’s toast (that never officially happened) is to you.  And by you, I mean me.

Wait what?

 

Every year WordPress delivers a fresh dose of data about all of the powers that be.  For work projects, this data is extremely paramount to making strategic plans for the future… regardless of what quarter or time of the year it is.  The end of the year data brings a bevy of information that showcases the path you have for your company, brand, or even blog.

On this personal blog I noticed a huge missing piece: me.  Over the year I dived head first into work projects with my favorite being a writing project which involved me writing five pieces a week for a paint client.  My devotion to putting my heart out on the chopping block was as microscopic as several of my exes would proclaim my heart is in the first place.

 

My end of the year report informed me that I only wrote a total of twenty five posts here.

Twenty five posts over a three hundred sixty five day period.

Twenty five little snapshots.

 

Twenty.

Five.

I easily did that amount of posts for a client in a month or less.  Where the hell was I last year?

As crazy as it may seem, I was catering to other things and not being selfish enough.  It is generally pretty easy to get motivated to get a story up for a client when its paid or about something outside of my heart yet still inside my heart.

 

So let’s talk about that first picture a bit more and my quiet New Year’s Eve last night.  Last year I did that and it was amazing.  I was fortunate enough to go to the biggest party of the year with friends dressed to the nines.  I had a frigging blast.  Last year turned into the year surrounded with the reminder of the people whom I would then call my good friends… who would prove to be some of the very best that I have.  

This year was spent alone vegging out cuddled tight with my newborn son.  It was quiet and uneventful.  Hell I didn’t even drink a glass of champagne.

But while last year’s gala was a blast, this just… felt better.  

My heart was a bit more complete than it had been in a very long time.  

2013 was about rebirth.  It was about putting my fun a bit more aside and preparing to being a full time mom again. It was about work but as much as it was about me, it wasn’t completely about me.  The beginning of the year was spent taking care of another person.  I was afraid to let go.  I held myself back.  The end of it was about taking care of another person too.. except that in the process, I would find that I was that other person.

2014 is about not holding back on myself.  To embracing opportunities and the unknown without fear.  From this blog to my bigger demons, it needs to all come out. I owe it to you.  I owe it to me.  And you too my babies.  After all, you’re a part of me.

Cheers