one…

Hiroshima was upon us already, we just didn’t want to admit it.  Once upon a time. Once upon.. many times.

I wasn’t perfect.

He wasn’t either.

But we had a good time back then… and it started to rapidly fade to a distant memory.  What once were treasured gems of…

It brings me back to that scene in Big Fish.  Time.. just..

I don’t know if he will ever get over the taste in his mouth leftover from a love now lost by the wayside.  Of one light that shined so brightly.. if only for a short while.

Tonight is the vigil.

Of that one last breath before we go into the water.  Sinking deep under the surface and looking up at the light from below.

Deeper deeper.  Until we’re as light as air ready to surface with an even bigger zest than once before.

I close my eyes and click my heels.  But it will never be the same.  It never was the same after…

There was something drawing about him.  His words graced through whom he spoke to so effortlessly.  He held his head high but remained true to himself.  He was not apologetic.  He was not always kind.  But he was wise and driven.  And he took notice of her.

In the end, no one was innocent.  No one ever is.

That was the night the domino fell.

And it was all her doing.  It was all my doing.

Honesty does not give you a by to do whatever you please.  If anything I’ve learned to some degree, there are things better left unsaid.  Things better left undone.  Things left to the imagination.  Etcetera Etcetera.

I’m a hypocite.  When I set my sights on something, the worst words in the world are “no” and “wait.”  I’ve grown patient at the same time I learned when to be immpatient.

There were two nametags from an event shared together on my wall.  One day, they fell.  Just like the tack.. I wondered if something was about to happen.  My gut told me it was.  I think we both knew but didn’t want to acknowledge it.

Tonight will be your vigil.

Tonight, tonight….

To be Continued

friday.

Started actually a week ago but I’d have never known that.

Or maybe… I could have wished it would but..

It started off like this:

“Girl goes to meeting.”

Dear wordpress

I must be forthright.  I’ve been having an affair on you.

Work has kept me very swamped as of late and I know this is unexcusable, but I have been paying homage to your competition (tumblr).

However I felt the need to confess and thus get on my knees in penance.

Here’s the snippets of what’s been missed, and oh my dear my dear… the things to come indeed.

http://scandalous.tumblr.com/

Letters: Let’s Get Lost

I belong to a few dating sites across the web which has it’s pros and cons.  The best thing about being a woman on there is the freedom to sift through mass emails and weed through to the ones you may actually want to talk to.

Occasionally, I get some really interesting letters from men interested in me.  Which, I’m going to start posting.

Here’s one from today:

Title: Let’s get Lost.

Body: You. are like a clever little monkey who, before escaping the animal experimentation lab, opens each and every locked cage for each and every creature not wise enough to do it for themselves (even the ones that you know may be a danger to you). You do this not because you are kind (although I’m sure you are) but because you just. want. to see. what happens.

If only I could be the mad scientist that observes you doing this. If by some miracle I could, I would do…nothing. but watch. and smile. and see what happens.

Thanks for such a creative, entertaining profile. It made my day to read it and know that there are still crazy monkeys like you out there.

F

P.S. I might hold you down…but I would never hold you back ; )

Stay tuned for more as I receive them.

Plea bargaining

Dear the beast,

I just got back to work this week and you’ve been a good girl for what a month in a half now?  Thank you for at least telling me what the problem was this time… or so I think, but can you please stay better for a little while longer? Or at least be something teensy that once it’s fixed I don’t have to worry about for a few months?

Pretty pretty please?  I’ll give you a fresh coat of paint and restore you someday soon.  I can’t wait for you to look all shiny and show worthy.  But for now I just need you to run.  Because I wasn’t late for work or a party or something actually important this time thankfully, but who’s to say if this happens again?

*Smiles, twirls hair & bats eyes*

Love you m’kay?

xo,

Jennifer Stavros

The backstory:

Another ordinary day.. gone to the wayside.  I was on my way home from work to pick up something:

I saw it posted for free, but just needed a bulb, so I snagged it.  I have a project that I want to organize at some point that I could use it for.  And, well there’s a way to hack this to turn it into a cheap digital projector too.  All in all, a win win situation here.

It wasn’t that far from my place.  Everything seemed pretty normal.  I picked it up and put it in my truck.  I went to start it and… nothing.

I’d had it looked at by a mechanic on Friday.  He didn’t see anything majorly wrong with it.  This came out of nowhere.

The good news is, I have a pretty good idea of what it could be and fixing it would be pretty easy.  I decided that I’m going to start getting a ride from a friend to work for the time being and deal with this after my trip this weekend.

I was calm and thought everything through.  Is it odd that nothing is phasing me? I know that it’ll get taken care of in the end and I’m not worried about it.  For now I have other stuff to take care of.

It’s just a prick…

The brightly colored large tacks that hold up my French prints have been falling off mysteriously.  I’m not sure as to why exactly.  They’ve been on the walls months.  It’s only been starting recently.

Perhaps gravity is setting in and the weight is pulling on them.

Perhaps it’s something else entirely.

But when another tack and picture fell he instinctively went to fix it.

My room is still in shambles from the Holiday activities.  You didn’t think that just because I’ve been off the radar meant I’d become a nun did you?

It had been a romantic evening.  Dinner and then a moonlit walk on the pier.  It hadn’t been completely perfect, but it was damn near that way.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.  After everything with Mr Parker.. of saying my goodbyes and throwing pennies to the air on New Years.

Polyamory.

Sometimes it’s.. not the greatest experience for my lovers, specifically for him.

We were about to lay in bed.  We looked up.  He noticed the line print fall.  It was the second one to fall this week.  He went to fix it.  I told him not to worry about it.  He was trying to be a gentleman.

Disastrous.

He fished around the clothes near the side of the bed looking for the brightly colored tack.  He didn’t find it.

He found something else.

That.

And there was a moment of silence as he picked it up off the floor and looked up at me.

“I always get up afterwards and go to the bathroom.”

I couln’t breathe.  For a moment there, despite my honesty, I was worried that I’d blown it.

“It’s probably from one of our multiple sessions.  I’m sure it’s nothing.  Don’t worry about it.”

He went to the bathroom and threw it away.  The silence was deafening.  I hung my head a little lower.

Please don’t tell me I ruined it.  Please don’t tell me I ruined it. Please don’t tell me..

I…

ruined…

it.

Fuck.

I did didn’t I?  God damnit.

To be continued…