so much for polite

You wouldn’t think that the words etiquette and “Scandalous” are quite often paired. But in this world of mismatch where it seems that “Everything you know is wrong” you will see the occasional anomaly.

My blog for the day’s drafting was lost amidst computer errors.  Save, save, safe is your friend dear.  So until I’m able to get home to put the proper time devoted to telling of tales of my evening last night, it’s onto something completely different.

I’m one of those women who is picky about most everything that goes on or in me.  From clothing labels and fashion accessories to men, sex toys, and food.

The banana and soy milk wasn’t enough for me this morning, so I headed down to our campus cafeteria for my regular order- an unhealthy other option, but one that would last me the entire day.  Thankfully with my tiny tummy, I eat in small doses.  Ah yes, now comes the admittance part: I’m an extremely picky eater.

I was the child that picked apart at every little thing in her meals.  I wouldn’t dare put it in my mouth if I didn’t know what it was unless it appealed to all of my senses.  Perhaps not everything has changed, but I’d like to think it has.

I’m not fond of a litany of foods that are common in most every cooks standard repertoire: Onions, peppers, garlic cloves, tomatoes, etcetera.

I’m also hypocritical.  In some cases, those foods are not only alright, but encouraged.  I understand the need for specific flavors even if you “don’t taste it” in the finished product.  I’d just rather not deal with it.

I believe in upholding a particular level of decorum of ettiquette however.  Manners and self presentation are keys to success in every area of life.

Today’s after lunch special is aptly about food.

In order to avoid the drama, being a picky eater, often associated while making modifications to a standard item on the menu, I’ve opted to craft my wording a bit differently.

If substitutions and modifications are generally done by a mass public- albeit frowned upon, I will order as I normally would and end with a shrug, a smile, and the “I’m an artist” validation.  This seems to work particularly well with males for obvious reasons.

I do not expect everyone to believe these little “Get Out of Jail Free” cards, but for the most part, it has been met with positive results.

I told the chef I was allergic.  In my mind this is the more eloquent way of saying “Please don’t put that crap in my food so I don’t have to pick it out later.” It also generally ensures that the likelihood of them putting it in there becomes less- as now it’s not a picky eater, but it’s a health hazard that’s grounds for legal reprocautions.

But let’s pretend I didn’t just sound like a complete bitch in that last statement and focus on the first.  Even though, let’s be honest- you enjoy that logic.

I’d found peppers and onions in my food multiple times here before.  When I’ve ordered I’ve never once asked for them- nor did I see them on the menu for the description.

The cook, however, did not let it go.  As he prepared my food he asked me just how allergic I was. Why?  Because either I’m a horrific liar (which is true) or he was insulted by my food preference which wasn’t his business.

So ladies and gentleman- I ask you, how else would you proceed?  I thought the method was perfectly fine and preferable, but apparently I was wrong.  I’m looking for some more “Get Out of Jail Free” cards. /rant off


3 thoughts on “so much for polite

  1. aaah, the ol’ “im allergic” excuse. I’ve used this in juvi hall to prevent them from feeding mi all that fuckin pork. this post reminds mi of how picky I am! I don’t fuck with 1/2 the stuff on any menu (even fine dining) and im SO very unappologetic about it. its YOUR taste and body right?

    I mean, I wouldn’t by you a dildo with razorblades on it…on second thought, I would. you can just pick em out.

  2. I play the allergic card ALL THE TIME! I find it usually works, but the few times I have been questioned, I tilt the nose up, give them a withering look, smile a tiny bit and say quite sweetly “very allergic”.

    Ethical… probably not. But there is a very long list of what I won’t eat (and when I do eat it, it can’t touch and should be prepared correctly). What is more polite… to claim an allergy or to explain that I wouldn’t feed their food to my dog. I find the first option far bitchier. Yes… the follow up to questions gets a bit bitchy but really… they broke the rules by questioning you in the first place. How allergic… are you kidding me. Do they want a description? Well… I get hives from my waist to my thighs and my breasts swell. What a tool. Next time, work him.

  3. my ex-girlfriend had this problem, except any food of the “wrong type” actually had the problem of potentially killing her. she has pancreatitis, and subsequently had an intrathecal pain pump inserted into her abdominal cavity.

    she makes a joke out of it, when ordering. kinda saying something along the lines of, “unless you want to see me throwing up, half-way to probably dying on the floor of your restaurant, please ask your chef to not use any butter, onions or [….]”.

    works for her.

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