ive slept too much hoping to wake up with answers.
i haven’t found anything has changed except the hour.
the only thing i do know is that i really shouldn’t want to go to potentially see you, but that may very well be a part of why i do.
I don’t regret this weekend. I probably should. But I don’t have a conscious. Or maybe I just don’t have a big enough heart.
Do I care about the grip? Without question. And he always knew this day was going to come. But when things heated up I didn’t know what to do. In the moment of “put up or shut up,” I went to what I knew best..
George Peppard: “I don’t want to put you in a cage, I just want to love you.”
Audrey: “Same thing.”
-Breakfast at Tiffanys
Maybe that point of monogamy was coming. Maybe I was getting closer to feeling less trapped.. I wanted things to go towards that happily ever after. I don’t think I’m as ready as I thought. My focus, had turned inwardly.
In the next coming weeks, there will be some blogs actually defining my experiences with polyamory, and how these relationships work and fail.
I’m not sure exactly if this one has failed. It would be my accord if it did.
Is there a such thing as cheating when you’re in an open relationship? I don’t understand, yet at the same time, I was stupid into not seeing this coming. So much for being open and discussing things.. about being honest with my actions, while having emotions attached.
I’m a bit lost. Do I feel my behavior was wrong? Yes and no. I made no promise of anything other than nothing. Day to day. I just wanted to let things happen. Perhaps I’m broken. Perhaps I’m not.
Honesty is the best policy? Communication is key?
Is it all bullshit?
I really hope that I haven’t lost him. I’m worried about him. I just am at a loss for words here.