The List Blogs: “When I Grow Up”

Ever go back and remember all those careers you wanted as you were a kid? How many people actually made them happen? How many didn’t pan out what you’d thought?

As high school reunions approach, and honor of Memorial Week, here’s a few of the jobs I aspired to achieve. Some of which, still haven’t been discarded as not going to happen.

Marine biologist. Oceanographer.
I have always loved the water. Growing up, I remember trips to the zoo and the aquarium. These things have always made me smile. One of the things I want to do in my lifetime is to swim with dolphins.

Mortician. Coroner. Makeup artist to the recently deceased.
Blame being raised on Tales from the Crypt, the Munsters, and the Adams Family. My father’s favorite holiday is Halloween. So is mine. (This is among the jobs I’m considering looking into getting trained for currently actually… a truly recession proof business.)

Video game designer. Concept artist. PR for a video game company.
My first memories are of video games. I want to be part of the team that makes memorable games that people talk about for years to come. These days I’m still full of ideas for potential games, but am without the ability to make them in the manner that I’d like. (Any game publishers that are looking for unique projects please contact me, I have a few ideas I’d love to pitch.)

Costume designer. Fashion designer. Stylist. Pattern maker. Buyer. Seamstress.
I used to deconstruct and reconstruct my own clothes. Time restraints and moves have taken a toll on my time to devote to my sewing. That, and the 1960s vintage sewing machine I had, my now ex husband trashed because he’s a moron and thought it was just junk.

Writer. Novelist. Screenwriter.
I am currently writing 2 children’s books, an autobiography series, and am branching out to screenplays. It’s definitely not an easy business. I want to do it right. God knows there’s enough crap on television as it is without adding to the garbage.

Reporter. Journalist. On camera personality. Radio personality.
I want to travel and be among the gainfully employed devotees of entertainment media: music, movies, video games, art, and relationships.

Comedian. Actor.
I grew up on the stage. It’s the original reason I moved to California. However when I got pregnant with my first son I let go of that dream. I oftentimes wonder what it would have been like had I pursued my acting career. I currently do not accept applications to date actors as the ones I have dated previously have been… well rather dramatic off the stage and not in a good way. (I’d love to be proven wrong. I know some awesome people that are actors, just… yeah.)

I was in a couple of bands post and during high school (no not the marching band though and I never violated a flute). I rarely sing in public anymore. I’m not afraid to. It’s a bit odd that I really don’t. And while there has been discussion for me to sing in several alternative collaborations, none have since panned out. If you or anyone is looking for a singer for your project, please contact me. My vocal stylings are ranged.

Obituary writer. Funeral card bios.
I’ve always wondered how people got into this field of work. Summations of people’s lives and the people important to them… in a few short paragraphs.

Video editor. Graphic Designer. Crew for a theatre production. Set construction for a movie.
Old movies fascinate me. I want so much to learn how to craft an artful piece of cinematography. From the digital pieces to the hammer and nails building of sets.

Interior decorator. Set designer.
I love mixing patterns and working with the desires of a client to capture their personality and project in an aesthetically pleasing demeanor. From minimalist to traditional. Shapes, colors, swatches, and Feng Shui… divine.

High end fashion photographer. Architectural photographer. Surf/skateboard/snowboard/ bmx photographer.
Travel the world an take pictures of awesome, gorgeous things and people.

Forensics: photography and computers.
The study of decay. Of the mind and of the body.

Floral designer. Botanist.
Flowers and plants are something magical. Pretty difficult to screw up making that look nice. And people are rarely sad to get flowers… even if it’s a funeral.

Museum curator. Gallery owner. Curator at the Smithsonian.
Arts, ruins, artifacts. Holding the treasures of oddities and art. The stories untold by objects. The pieces that you marvel at and that resonate in your mind after.

And I think that’s enough.. for now.


It’s that time of year again.  Nearly summer and with it, the cemetery movie lineup.

The grip messaged me with a very special one coming up in June.  Time flies.  It seems like only yesterday I was unpacking a Uhaul and moving in here…  what I didn’t know would be my first summer with him.  A summer of adventure, passion, love and the excitement of a city I call “a cesspool of fun.”

The very notion of the show is enough to have me a bit giddy.  I have a list of 100 things I want to do here in LA.  It’s one that I didn’t do last summer.  This show in particular is something magical as well.  It has my most favorite actor of all time- the illustrious miss Audrey Hepburn.

With everything going on here- my own battle inside. It sent me back down memory lane.

What is it to fall in love with a ghost?

Time machine: Date 2… Spooky date.

The sun shined so brightly down on the graveyard we were at.  His name was Jack Skelington… or at least an alias was.  Back then, he radiated this presence.  He wanted to be with me so badly.  He’d bend over backwards to do it.

Still… despite our recent vow to work on things, there is so much more.  A ghost of my past has returned into the picture- of which shall remain nameless.  And although I am currently unsure why he popped up, it still makes me wonder nonetheless.  Another story.  Another time.  But not at this time.  Who knows if at any other time.

A passport.  Pending.  My heart can’t afford it any more than my pocketbook can.

“Do you truly love me?”  I asked the grip.

“More than you’ll ever realize.” he said.

In my mind, I have these staticy crackled memories on a drive-in movie screen.  Has he really become the “ghost” of a man I once loved?  Can a photograph really capture the spirit and foreshadow the future?  You sometimes waver into the real world and show signs you’re still there.  Others?  You’re so distant- as if you exist somewhere else far far from anything.

Many a thought hath creeped into my idle brain in the interim.  Months of lingering emotions not yet unleashed into the world.

Most friends tell me that it’s finished.  He keeps saying otherwise.  My heart and my brain just don’t know where to go from here.  I’m in love with this ghost.  And while we work on things, that’s what it feels like he is.

“It seems like you’re miles apart physically but together emotionally.” a someone said.

Oh you have no idea m’dear.  Just… no idea.