Dear Family

I know that you’ve been in line hours fighting the crowds for those shiny shiny Black Friday specials, but for me, you’re wasting your time.

You’ve sent me letters asking me what exactly I want for Christmas.  I’ll tell you forget all that consumer crap.

What I want this holiday, and everyday are just a few “simple” things that you have failed to give me though it has been repeatedly asked.  My plea, my wish, is for this:

Your Love

Your Respect

Your Support

Despite our differences.  Despite your lack of understanding…

If only to understand

What you don’t understand.

I want the chance to have a chance.

To not be scoffed at and dismissed without being given the opportunity to prove otherwise.

For just one genuine chance….

For validation to not have to exist.

For love.

For understanding.

For your unconditional love.

But perhaps you’re right… I’m probably asking for too much.  In which case, you can feel free to send me any of the following glories of electronic & fashion consumption…

a flip camera

a laptop

a gps

the G1

jewelry

shoes

etc.

Because If I can’t have the simple things at least try and satiate me with those that you feel really matter this holiday season.

Love always- your black sheep of an entertainment loving daughter,

Jennifer

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Project: life organization- step 1

A couple of weeks ago I went on a date with a gentleman who I’ll just call Vegas.  He moved here not too long ago after a series of unfortunate events that ultimately lead him to eventually get his dream job- working as an artist in a land of childish animation.

I forget exactly how we started talking exactly, but once we started… we were doing it daily.  He asked me out shortly after but I’d been very busy with things going on that it didn’t happen until recently.

He lives on in a different area of town.  It was difficult to coordinate schedules.  I almost made the drive out there on Friday… but I was busy working on something that we’d talked about.

He came out here for sushi and conversation.  We traded stories about how we both ended up in LA.  About failed relationships, broken hearts, and steps forward.

I’d been going through some pictures on my computer this week.  I’m thinking about changing my hair again… I get anxiety and crave change.  When I sifted through the images, I noticed a pattern.  My life somehow picked up when I had a clean house.  Coincidence?

“It was a terrible year last year…”

“Why?”

And I listened to his tale.  A tragic, sad tale.  Accidents.  Love.  The reactions to hardships faced.  It was horrible.

“And then one day, I decided that I was going to make my life better.  I was going to do one little thing everyday consistently and see if things changed.  I made a commitment.”

“Did it work?”

“Yes, as silly as it seems, my life has been better ever since.”

Know what it was?  It was simple. He made his bed every morning.

My room has been in disarray since I’ve moved in.  I blamed the earthquake.  It was pure laziness.  I just didn’t want to deal with it.  Everything in it- terribly unorganized.  I should probably have been embarrassed with how bad it was.  I’m disgusted to even admit that it piled up for so long.

I had some things in the common area.  It had poured out of my room and into the other areas.  Some bins.  Baskets with laundry.  It wasn’t much but it was enough to be annoying that it was there.

So on Thursday night when my roommate told me that a friend of ours was due to come over for the day to play some games on Friday..

It started with a conversation about making a bed…

I have some colored paper lanterns above my bed in a semi circle.  I had the grip put them up a month ago.  However they hadn’t been lit yet.  I needed an extension cord and hadn’t been able to find one.

I have many fond memories of watching my grandmother metamorphosis into this even more regal classic in front of her vanities.  It’s something that little girls dream of.  And antique ones are not very common.  However I got very lucky one evening.  Before I moved here, I was taking the garbage out in my apartment complex and it was just there. A wooden vanity with a round mirror and bench outside of a dumpster.  I was going to have company over any minute from out of town.  I snatched it immediately and have had it ever since.  If I had to name any real prized possession, I’d say that hands down, it’s that vanity.

It had never been put together in 3 apartment moves.  Last Monday after our foodie date (blog coming on that still) the grip helped me finally mount the mirror.

It started with a conversation about making a bed…

I decided that instead of just putting the living room bins in my room and closing the door as I headed out with the grip for our day date, that I was just going to make the commitment and do it.  I wanted a clean slate come Monday morning.  A new job.  A new, clean room.  Step one in life organization- the clean household.

At first, it was tedious.  I seemed like a never ending series of work.  I’d get done with one thing, and there would be a queque of things still left to be done.  It was physically exhausting.

I slept very little this weekend.  I was focused on getting the project to completion.  Hours dropped by. Fast. Slow.  Fast.

The clarity started to enter.  Suddenly ideas were coming out of the woodwork.  Treasures were found.

It all made sense.  This is one of the key things I need to do.  This is something I needed to do for a long time.  Life is grand but it can always be better.

This is a week of organization and focus.  I’m cleaning up my life right now.  In every avenue.

Step 1, here goes.  I’ll let you know how it works out in the meantime.

Cheating/ Mission complete

This is just a small blog to say… Horray!  I met the goal.  NaBloPoMo for the month of August.  And man what a ride it was.

I don’t think that I could have picked a better month to do it either.  The move to LA has been a rollarcoaster of adventure, heartache, passion, debauchery, and of course… lots and lots of business.

Who knew so much could be jam packed into 1 months time?  It really makes you take a step back and think.

I am making more commitments to myself on a daily basis.  Yes, that’s me trying out that other c word.  It’s a biggun.

I am finding that I am becoming more and more dedicated and focused as time goes by.  I am learning where exactly it is where I want to be, where my heart is, where I am headed, what I will or will not put up with.. etcetera etcetera blah blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda.

Love.

“Hate.”

I never really hate anything.  I honestly believe that that word should be abolished.

On that tangent, I also believe that the word love is overused too.

The things and people that I can say I genuinely love, I can count on one hand.  The fact that it’s more than 1 finger leads me to believe I am incredibly blessed, in as blessed as a non religious person can be.

Life is an adventure.  I am learning so much everyday.  I want to learn more.  I crave it.  It will happen.

NaBloPoMo was more than just a month of consistent blogging to me.  It was a dedication and personal commitment to myself.  I was successful. I am successful.  I have the potential to be even more successful in all areas of my life if I only work hard for it.

Is it bad to be your own number 1 fan?  Hell someone has to be right?  Scratch that.  I’m my number -4 fan.  For some reason I’m blessed by 3 beautiful children who rank higher than I could ever imagine…

</cheese>

And the rest is up to destiny

Interview this morning.  The big one.

If I get this job, I have the apartment.. I become a San Diego resident within the month.  If not, the clock goes back a bit.. I stay here in Claremont a bit longer.  I save some more money.  I remain focused on the goal.  3 more months is all I’d want to stay here if I can’t go now.  I still want to push the mark.. to tow the line.

Deep breaths.  Kisses good luck.

Poised.  Ready for the kill.  Dressed to kill.  High heels and red hair.

Just got done.. will know by Thursday.  It went well, but I’m still not sure about it.  I went in confident… presented myself accordingly.

I was so nervous beforehand.. I just drove and got lost for a bit.  I’m planning on going to Mount Soledad today… perhaps the beach.  I don’t have to have the car back until Wednesday night.  No plans tommorrow, nor work.  Huge appointment on Wednesday again.  This is going to be a big week.

I had a talk with my dad before I left.  I explained to him that this would make me very happy, but if I didn’t get this.. that I would be taking a different plan to get to the same ultimate destination.  San Diego will be home by the end of the year.  Period.  He needs to accept it.

I was firm, but warm.  I know my dad.  His heart is in the right place and he’s worried.  As much as I’m nervous.. I’m…

Sometimes you have to take a few moments and savor the sunshine.  I’m going to walk the beach today.  Perhaps have a margarita.  I’m not sure where the wind will take me… but I will go with it and weather the storm.

And that’s enough cheese for now… Sushi plans are in order first.

3 G Energizer

If you can keep pulling this off, I’m going to have to tell my introduce you as “This is my friend Jena.. the Terminator…”

Yeah, I’m so not a morning person. I can’t wait until its the “weekend” again.. I was supposed to go in 30 minutes ago…

“Hey I know you work till 5, but do you think you could come in for a long shift at 10?”

Yeah, sure I said. Because I’m a dumb ass. She said go ahead and come in at 11 if I want to today though.. and that’s what I decided to do.
I haven’t worn makeup in 2 days.. and it’s a bit funny.. I’m getting hit on almost more than I do when I have it on. I was told I look a lot better without it. It’s part of my game of escape though. I know that I don’t really need it.. but feel so boring and mundane looking otherwise. Meh. Minimal stuff works too. I think that’s what I’ll do today.

A couple of guys at my jobs asked me about my San Diego plans coming up.. said that they were jealous. One of them went so far as to saying that he would move to San Diego with me. I told him that

  • a- me going down there was something specifically for me.. I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time
  • b- I have multiple offers to go live with guys in a few areas of the country and essentially never have to work again but that has no appeal to me as it’s not a challenge
  • c-Even if I was serious with someone, the likelihood that I’d move in with them is not there.. just because I like my independance and
  • d-all of this is moot because I’m both
  1. looking for female roommates preferrably and
  2. have a rule that I don’t date people from work, specifically at my level or department

There seems to be a bit of this inquisition going around. People that really have no right getting jealous over me and others that seem to have a problem with me making choices to do things that I’ve been working my ass off to do. I was getting complaints about standing up to dad and holding my ground about the move.. horray now I feel a bit guilty for what? For doing what I want to do.

Summation? Conscious for sale. Get me home, and someone friggin give me a better job already.

good.. morning? evening? wth is this again?

Work was cancelled again due to the weather.. 2 days off for the overnight team. Tonight was a disaster. It was just one thing after another. The truck was really heavy today. So many boxes of heavy electronics. I swear that Kodak is the devil.

Someone gave me a broken pallete so one of my sections was a mess to organize. Thankfully I just unload it and put it there. I did the best that I could with what they gave me.

I was thinking about something personal and got a little down about it. I tried to push it off of my mind, then I got assigned to a department dealing with it. Awesome.

I did the front gum again and looked at the clock.. it should have been about time to go home. Oh no.. I got assigned to another department that I didn’t know. The guys were alright I suppose.. but I don’t know what’s the problem with some of the people there. Many of them have been there for years and seem shocked that little me is working at that hour. My friend David works overnights at his job so thankfully he keeps me entertained. I don’t know what I’d do without him and my ipod.

The sun comes up and we’re still not done. I asked when we leave, and they told me “When it’s done.” Ok, fine. But when it was nearly done, they ditched me to clean up their crap. Babysitting never stops.

I went to clock out and again more… I can’t find my card to punch out. So I have to take care of it when I go back Friday night. My boss was too busy to take care of it today. I hit the bus to head home and stopped at the juicer. First time I’ve paid for a smoothie since I’ve worked there. But there was a girl there that I hadn’t met. She knew who I was. She said she was hoping to meet me and really wanted to work with me. I didn’t realize I was that popular. Considering she’d never seen me and I didn’t have a nametag on, it was very odd.. but flattering.

Home for about an hour now. I drank half my smoothie and am preparing for my errands… here’s what I have to do:

  1. shower again
  2. go to an interview for a possible 3rd job
  3. walgreens for some personal stuff
  4. the bank and deposit my checks
  5. post office to pick something up bc the dumbass postman didn’t knock on my door to get a certified signature (though he’s left other things requiring that at our doorstop before)
  6. RadioShack to return the phone charger I bought while I was out in Santa Ana after writing the rule not to forget it.
  7. Schedule a doctors appointment, or go out and try and get a walk-in one.
  8. vaccum
  9. dishes
  10. clean the fridge
  11. garbage
  12. scrub the floors
  13. put away all the clothes in my room (heh um and go through some of them)
  14. go through the rest of the stuff in the storage area in the apartment
  15. schedule a pickup from Goodwill
  16. call dad to ask about rent for the month
  17. depending on daddy’s answer, update my wordpress account & troll ebay for some odds and ends
  18. try and get a hold of Mike about possible cheap tickets to Chicago next month for my grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary
  19. emails
  20. check and catch up on blogs, friendfeeds, tweets
  21. caffeine caffeine caffeine
  22. relax

Eesh. So much for a day off right?

Lessons Learned this week

  • 20- Hot curlers can “safely” be left on all day.
  • 19- No matter how cute you look in short shorts or a short dress, DO NOT even think about wearing it in public in a club or a bar unless you want every single loser to approach you. Because the worthwhile guys will not approach someone that looks like a hooker unless they just want sex. Ladies, DO invest in a couple of pairs of really good jeans.. or jeans with a “handle.” I swear by mine. Also DO wear the top thats low enough to show off, but not so low as your ladies are everywhere to be seen.
  • 18- Racial or religious discussions should never be discussed while drinking. Nor at work. This is something I knew already but however it still happened.
  • 17- Many people do not understand what’s involved in the fetish scene.. even people who think that they really do. And people that you may think wouldn’t, you need to look out for.. because they probably actually do have more of an idea then you think.
  • 16- If you want to see just how tough a guy is call him a vagina even in teasing or question his manhood. The more you do, the more he will feel the need to prove that he’s a man. This is actually quite awesome a majority of the time. It will tell you which ones have a sense of humor and which ones just don’t have the skin tough enough to deal with it. (Btw, yes this was a test, you passed)
  • 15- If you’re going to get drunk and text, twitter it. Why? Because even if it doesn’t go through on there, it will still go through to your Friendfeed, and you can go “Wtf was I thinking?!” later (this is really bad advice btw)
  • 14- When all is said and done, no matter how much your best friend detests who you are interested in, she will still be willing to put the both of you up in her apartment cross country.. provided you are not that one guy she personally can’t stand (and no dear, she’s not even talking about you.. she said she would deal with you… lol.. just not dakine)
  • 13- Cool people write you a message telling you happy birthday in a digital means. Awesome people send you hand written cards in the snail mail and send you flowers from halfway across the world. (I appreciated both btw, just laugh if you didn’t do the second part!)
  • 12- The way you can truly gage a friends love for you is not how much money they are able to lend you in a bind, how often they call or write.. no the way to any friends true heart is if they are willing to spend 12 hours slaving over apple butter because that’s what you said you had a craving for.
  • 11- Fake eyelashes turn heads… like majorly in a good way, in the right places… in most everywhere I went actually.
  • 10- If you have to pack extra shoes, double check both are in your bag. Specifically in a rush. Or I hope that you’re happy with the other ones.
  • 9- Never call work and ask about friends switching shifts before plans are indeed solid solid (which is weird because its part of making them solid solid)
  • 8- Never have clean clothes on the floor of any room while drinking. It doesn’t matter if you are the one drinking or they are. If you don’t want to do laundry later, just move em.
  • 7- Never carry a book with the word “Sex” vividly on the cover on any form of public transportation. Even the ones who look conservative will wink at you… it doesn’t matter how classy you dress.
  • 6- Never get on/pay for a train before asking the question “Are you sure you want me on this train?” no matter what the conversation sounds like before doing so.
  • 5- When you know your limit, tell people that are too drunk to understand, just to stfu.
  • 4- Never leave the house without spare lipstick, eyeliner, the cell phone, music, pen, and notebook. Also for me, it’s my camera, extra batteries, and chargers.
  • 3- The timetables and phone numbers of the Metrolink, Amtrak, and all bus services need to be memorized, put on speed dial on the cell, and rushed last minute emergency procedures need to be planned in advance, so as not to miss any trains or busses in the future.
  • 2- All tech devices are to be kept charged as much as possible at all times. Having multiple chargers is a must for would be last minute travelers.

and the biggest, most important rule of all…

  • 1- If its a weekend, or any day that you think your friends may have off, ALWAYS, and yes ALWAYS get dressed that day like you are going to have a last minute date.. because you never know when someone will randomly call and just say “hey, let’s do something…”

(case in point, it’s 1030 am and I have a date right now and need to head out.. and of course I was too busy making this list then to get dressed and ready to go out =p)