working on the memory

We need to go on a break.. I don’t always have to see you when you’re in town. Enjoy your friends too. I want you here because I know this is where you want to be.. where you are happiest… let’s work on being friends and we can explore that other part later… when we’re both not as fucked up.

I sighed, a bit dejected. But I agreed. It really wasn’t time yet. Who knows if it ever would be. Regardless of any feelings there may or may not be. And then he said…

…so, when are you coming back?

I honestly didn’t know then. I still don’t know right now. But we both know that I’ll be back as soon as I can. The city.. the sea calls to me. That’s home. And that’s where he is. Triple hitter dose of I want to get there. My heart screams to get there.

Until then, I’m working on making the memory a reality again for more than those brief moments of levity. To take back those stolen moments, with pictures taken… words said.. kisses shared.. of laughter… longing looks across the room… and inside jokes.

We’ll have to find a chinese restaurant to frequent when you move back…

Of working in an industry I loved… of sandy beaches and debauchery. Of living.. really living life in a city I never really got to experience until I left it.

I’ll be home soon my love. I’ll be home soon.

Oh sea of dreams. Oh magic city. Oh.. oh.. oh… man that makes me oh with such passion and attraction in phenomenal Ecstasy.

la jolla cove-june 28 08

Yes, I’m fucked. I did something I vowed I wouldn’t do. I fell in love. I committed the worst crime possible. Damnit damnit damnit.

weighing possibilities…

August is going to be here fast… especially if I work the 2-3 jobs I may be. It’s got a greater purpose though.. I’m going to save and work towards having more than I did before. It’s been a long couple of years. All of my stories aren’t here of course. But scattered across the blogosphere and chats, many a tale are to be told.

My lease will be up then. I’m not sure if it’s in the beguinning or the end of the month, but it’s making me really worry. There’s just a lot on my plate. And I really am missing home lately. I’m missing Chicago. I’m missing San Diego. I like it where I am, but I’m not here completely by my choice. I want to get to that point where the choice is mine. It’s crunch time.

One of my New Years Resolutions was to move to either SF or SD. I have friends in SD that I miss quite a bit. I called SD home for 5 years. I was kicking and screaming when I left my beautiful city behind and moved to the armpit of California. My ex knew that was going to happen. He had his laugh for a bit. I served my “sentence” there for too long and coming here was a compromise.

I asked a friend of mine to keep his ear to the ground about possible openings for roommates down there… preferrably female, so if I did make the move, that my dad would take it a bit better. He knows it’s coming ultimately. But, it should be pretty apparent how much of a daddy’s girl I am. And I’m perfect/Italian… so him liking the situation is even more so important.

Summation.. I have options where I could move back to IL… but that’s more of a last case scenario. I do like it here. But damnit.. home is San Diego. I have friends and attachments there. I want to push the mark.
That may mean I may have to turn down dinner theatre if I get offered it in lue of a job thats nationwide and only would mean a transfer. I’m getting ahead of myself here. I’ll know about the dinner theatre position by Friday afternoon. I have another interview later today- 3rd one with a company I’ve worked for before. That one is nationwide.

The possibility of a roommate there where I actually want to be though.. in a bigger place.. for less money… is pretty damn inviting.
My heart is in San Diego. Arrg. This would have been so much better if Jamie had come down here like she was planning to before the whole New York thing. (We made up btw)

I’m weighing it out… thinking it may be a bit soon. But it’s not soon enough.
Maybe I should just work on making a beam or something.. if I miss, maybe I can explode a house with popcorn.
Until then… /clicks heels
There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home…