“You should forget about him. He’s too much drama. ” they all told me.
And given what happened earlier in the week, perhaps they’re partially right. He has had far too much bearing on my life. He’s hurt me in ways I recall my marriage did. I fell into that pattern yet again. He’d been swearing at me… telling me that I “deserved it.” He’d made me feel guilty about not being that perfect girl, while he called me his dream girl.
Asking for someone’s time and to give them a schedule for when they do have it shouldn’t be that hard. Not when you proclaim to love someone. Not when you say that you miss them terribly and are working hard for that picket fence for them.
“You will meet someone else.”
“No I won’t.”
“You will meet someone else when you least expect it…”
“Yeah right. I’m not even going to look anymore. I’m over it.”
“You will meet someone else when you’re not looking…”
Enter the hardest Yelp review I’ve written thusfar… a tale of more than a bar but of a change of pace. It wasn’t something I ever expected. It wasn’t something than what I’m used to. It was completely different. And for those moments, it was what it should be… what I’m told I really do deserve- someone without drama who genuinely enjoyed the time we had together.
Despite the outcome of the wildcard, as I really did see it as an inevitable closing due to certain life differences, it was something that I’m really glad I had the experience of. It is, after all, about the experiences more than the destination and the people you share the moments with along the way.
Perhaps one of these days it will work out. The positive nature of this wildcard though gives me a bit more hope. I tend to go for a certain type of guy. A certain look. A certain collection of qualities and traits. He was little of those. He was something entirely different.
He knew about video games and computers but wasn’t engrossed in them. He looks a bit like a frat boy (not my type at all.) He could go for hours talking about cars. He has a bachelors in psychology. He had little money and even less ambition. He was comfortable about where he was, and consistently positive.
While he may have been conventionally “normal” attractive, he was nothing like I’d expected, but yet everything I’d expected. I’ve been accepting far too little than what I am capable of. I deserve the full package- the ambitious, intelligent, wildly attractive, humorous, genuine man that girls fawn over, but only think exists in dreams. And while that’s currently where that man will probably be for awhile, I know now that regardless if you are there or not, or anyone… it’s all going to be ok.
I am an Enigma 