DISCLAIMER: As a note to all my friends and to people all over the world within the military, this blog is not to belittle your efforts, dedication, hard work or jobs. I know that there is so much that you do than what is in the focus of this blog. This is to those lost souls that have turned to the military to complete themselves rather than a foundation based in patriotism.
On one gaming forum that I belong to, I’ve made a few friends-people that have both helped me through hard times as well as touched me through their laughter, stories, and support. This is the story of one of them.
His name is Hazard Cheif and he’s a pathological liar. At first, I just thought he was kidding around. Then the lies got bigger… mafia, car races, cheating girlfriends (ok that one could have been true), boats, yadda yadda yadda.
Sometimes it was funny. I mean, it felt like a game to a degree. But over time it became less and less funny. As a friend, quite frankly I hoped that he would get past this stage in his life and start on the path to finding himself. Given that I have been on this road (looking to find myself not the pathological lying bit), I distanced myself. I never really disappeared but I also wasn’t there all of the time.
Once in awhile he will message me. We will have a bit of loose conversation and then back to poof.
Last night was one of those nights…
(11:44:22 PM) supernerdlady: are you done with the pathological lying yet?
(11:44:33 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : ha yes actually
(11:44:42 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : i’ve left it behind me
(11:44:49 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : along with alot of people
(11:44:58 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : im in the US Navy now
Conversation continued more as I asked him about postcards. He said that he was stationed stateside and had not yet been deployed but would send some when he was. And then he started to mention that he was actually looking forward to deployment…
(11:47:35 PM) supernerdlady: thats not something to look forward to
(11:49:36 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : i’ve never left the US
(11:49:59 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : it’ll be a chance to see new cultures learn new things meet new people
(11:51:55 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : other than that shit life has actually kinda sucked
It was abundantly clear that he’d joined the service in an attempt to get away from reality rather than face his issues. As a good friend, I didn’t pander to his statements where he tried to rationalize his choice…
(11:53:33 PM) supernerdlady: escaping doesnt solve anything
(11:53:42 PM) supernerdlady: but thats one thing the service is good for i guess
(11:53:55 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : yea i guess.
(11:54:00 PM) supernerdlady: you dont need to focus on yourself bc you can just do what they tell you
(11:54:03 PM) supernerdlady: be how they tell you
(11:54:36 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : i’ve already been in for a year and 3 months, and i feel like i havent really done anything with my life thats really of any importance
(11:54:57 PM) supernerdlady: what dictates whats important or not?
(11:55:11 PM) supernerdlady: did you learn anything in that time?
(11:56:00 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : i learned…. heh, how to iron military creases in my uniforms, alot about the UCMJ, and that i despise marines… ha
Now before you start with the hate mail, as I stated in the disclaimer above, I will reiterate that this blog is not to belittle your (anyone within the military or friends of someone within the service’s) efforts, dedication, hard work or jobs. I know that there is so much that you do than what is in the focus of this blog. This is to those lost souls that have turned to the military to complete themselves rather than a foundation based in patriotism.
He was unhappy and didn’t see just how unhappy he was, or rather, he didn’t know how to. And then, it happened. The beginning of the potential end of our friendship…
(12:15:50 AM) supernerdlady: at least its a steady paycheck
(12:15:54 AM) supernerdlady: thats more than i have
(12:16:24 AM) HaZaRd Cheif : yea
(12:16:40 AM) HaZaRd Cheif : id trade the paycheck for happiness anyday
Tick, tick boom.
That was it for me. I told him flat out what I thought about his statement, and it was not pretty. It’s so not pretty that I am not going to post it. But here’s a summation of how it went:
I told him that I “would take my poor, artistic, extremely happy but not always perfect or stable paycheck existence over a life like what he was living- without decision making or happiness over his any day.” I wished him the best of luck to find whatever it is that he is looking for and that the only person that could save him was himself.
It was harsh, brutal honesty. I let him go. I meant what I said. I felt really bad about it. I know he’s not the only person going through this… so many others like him are experiencing this same pain. Why doesn’t anyone do anything for these men and women? Is a future with your own voice really that bad? In the process of giving someone something they can be confident and successful in with moving up ranks and encouragement, we walk away from what really matters: that same application inwardly.
Mr Hazardous Chief, tread safe out there. I hope you find the beacon to guide you home safely soon.
I am an Enigma 