Douchebag of the week! Username: Maniwannakillyou

Ah the wide open road.  How I ever survived without two wheels before I have no idea.  Hell, with the way it is in LA, how I’m going to survive on two wheels isn’t far off either.

Enter the first of many scooter related car agressive behaviors.

Dear people who drive cars,

I know you’re too busy not paying attention and being completely oblivious to the world around you in your lovely protected bubble, but for the love of pete people!  While yes, I understand that while you are driving is the *perfect* time to do a myriad of activities you couldn’t possibly be bothered to do while you’re, oh, not driving (ie: shaving your legs, picking your nose in public, doing your makeup, disciplining your kid, frying pancakes- yes, ive actually seen someone do this in their car… it was actually my uncle…. yes, seriously) , I really would not like to die.

I know you’re in a hurry.  Hell this is LA.  Everyone is in a hurry to get that place down the street from them, 20 minutes away.  That’s part of the reason I’m on my bike.  Because frankly it sucks sitting in the gridlock waiting to go 2 feet.  I know you’re jealous of that.  It’s ok, I’d be jealous too.  I’m pretty jealous of those big rar bikes I see out there as well.  It’s ok.  I will totally girl it out and rock my scooter.

Dear cars,

You are not going to get ahead of me when I’m at the front of the line.  Deal with it.  But douchebags, remember that to hold up that bike at the stop light, I have to put my feet down.  Please refrain from trying to run over them because you’re pissed off that I get to go before you.

As if that weren’t bad enough, the winner of this weeks Douchebag of the week goes to…. asshole who wanted to turn left that slammed on their brakes for no apparent reason when I was 2 ft away from their bumper.

There was no one in front of him.  There wasn’t a small infant or animal or block of ice or a truck full of Haagen Daas dropping deliciousness out the back to merit any sudden braking.  It was completely open with no traffic.  I was behind said douchebag and going normal speed, when suddenly… wham.  And it was almost wham for me… in their back windshield.

They say that most accidents occur within 2 miles of your home.  It is the area where your guard is down and you are most comfortable.  This was down the street from me.  Thankfully it wasn’t the day I was getting a smoothie over there, because otherwise, it would have been even douchey-ier, though I’m sure I’d smell delectable covered in smoothie juice.

I’d really really not like to die on my bike due to someone being a pussy and breaking out of nowhere.  Here’s to you mr Maniwannakillyou.  Perhaps you should pay attention to the people behind you and learn how to drive you jerkface.

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