Unsaid

Once upon a time, you could read about the multitude of dates that I went on.. the laundry list of a rotation, tons of events, etcetera etcetera.
Things have changed, yet remain the same. Perhaps I’m getting boring with age. Or perhaps I’m just.. tired. Plain tired of the drama involved.

I’m at a place in my relationship where it really would take someone epic to pull me away completly. He may not have been the man of my dreams in the shallow realm.. but for how he is inside.. he’s the man I’ve always dreamt about.

Some things were said yesterday about me.. about this “vision” of me.. that I agree with to an extent, but don’t in others. Assumptions about my character, about my choices of suitors, and, worst of all, the company I keep…

It got to me. It shouldn’t have gotten to me.

I think there’s more to be said in the unsaid than in whats spoken. If people read between the lines a bit and didn’t wear blinders they might get real sights of the composition of someone- of that inner persona within.

I got a bad taste of me. I got a bad taste of that person. I got a bad taste of how people are.

Today I pledge myself to be quiet more.

Today I pledge to take a step outside from myself and take a step inside of myself.

Today I shall devote my spare moments to self reflection.

Today I pledge to read a book this month, and put a couple of hours a day aside to write my own.

Today I pledge to erradicate myself from associating with garbage people.

Today I’m going to take a deep breath and remember that I have everything I will ever need inside of me.

Today I’m going to wear my boyfriends shirt to work.

I wish it was the weekend. I’d go to the beach.

Because progress is sometimes made with baby steps… but the thing you don’t realize is that it might actually be a huge step incognito.

The on the market sign is fading into the background. I’m tired of all the drama.  I just want to go home to my boy and forget the rest of the world exists.  The day won’t go fast enough.. it’s never enough.

Hopefully tonight will be full of mini golf and batting cages.. of reminiscing about childhood and making memories.  And if not, well.. we shall just see.

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Ah office politics

I work in a male dominated industry which has its perks and its drawbacks.. today the latter becomes more and more evident.

My evening last night wasn’t horrible, but wasn’t outstanding either. I pulled a favor for someone a few months ago, only to get politely snubbed with a smile on her face. I knew I never should have done said favor for said person and now it’s biting me in the ass. But horray for so called “friends” right?

Ah, LA. Sometimes I miss home… but not for the reasons you’d think. And then I remember that my family lives there… and that notion goes right back out the window just as quickly as it came.

Enter the cute guy from work. Day 1- he starts messaging me and we start talking. He tells me that I’m beautiful. I blush and don’t think anything of it. In reality, I dismiss the notion automatically. While yes, he’s cute, I had initial doubts on the whole situation.. office politics.. being interested in someone at work… it’s a touchy subject even if there never is any touching.

The week progresses and the flirting becomes less subtle. It’s a mutual attraction and all seems fine. Perhaps this is when my coworkers started to notice. Perhaps not.

Long story short, it didn’t work out. I blogged about the reason why.. but we still continue to talk and occasionally flirt. Nothing said has been uncomfortable but it makes me wonder after the conversation I had with my boss. (Yes I was pulled aside about it)

This conversation led to another conversation with exchanges of what was being said in the company pool about each other by others. Specifically other people that I do not know.
“Nasty” and “Freak” and not in a good way.

Truth be told.. I could deal with people saying quite a bit about me.. “slut,” “tease,” and “bitch” are generally the pleasantries I hear commonly. I brush them off and laugh. And really the only word that was said that bothered me was “Nasty.” I look in the mirror and don’t see that. I look inwardly and don’t feel that. How my existence is laughable to guys I barely know is beyond me. I don’t exactly work in a GQ industry either. No one here is model worthy.. not me or anyone else.

So seriously.. w..t…f.

And then I see the news about Prop 8.. we have grown as a country but we as a people never grow up from childish behavior. Judging other people for garbage reasons. Awesome. Thank you for reminding me why I am frequently a cynic.

Ah yes, no more talking to anyone at work.. about most anything as of right now. Woo! Is it beer thirty yet? Please?

Just one more reason..

There was an email sent to us at work “Take off 9am-11am and get paid if you are going to vote.”

The issues.. Prop 8, Prop 2, Prop K (I wish I lived in San Francisco to vote on it), and of course the Presidential election.

I remember the words of my dad circa the Primaries “I doubt you’re even going to vote.”
The polls show what looks to be a landslide in favor of Obama. The main reason to vote.. So if it’s already a given, why bother?

And then there’s the promotions… Ben & Jerrys, Starbucks, cookies here, a drink at the Edison.
Suddenly the idea sounds a bit better right?

The devils advocate would say: no one would know either way. I mean, it’s against the law for them to ask for that “I voted sticker” in exchange for goods. You could theoretically get the sticker itself from a local drug store or borrow your friends.

One motivating factor trumped them all.. this button passed along on tumblr a week ago..

So as I prep to get ready to walk to the polls.. the naughty notion just dances through my mind. My polling place is at a school down the street. How to dress.. the right skirt.. the glasses.. do I make a phone call or replay the last scene of Choke?

Hmmm… anonymous voting.

We shall see.. we shall see…
Oh and if you’re going to be at the Edison later for the Causecast/LAist party… I shall see you there tnite my friends. To celebrate the changes that are underway for our country.. and gather round with the like minded people who took the time out of their day motivated by the things that really matter and not just the hype and fluff of corporate promotions (which I fully intend to take advantage of too, don’t kid yourself).
Rock the vote everyone.
And now to get ready to go the polls.. apparently my polling place is a madhouse

MIA highlights

breaking up is “fun” to do.. even multiple times

being called christian/catholic/brainwashed by someone because of a spiritual difference of ideas (by the way I’m none of the above) as if either  of the first 2 were automatically insults

being called a republican for saying I hang out with 2.0 and corporate people

whats wrong with sex in public? and in front of 2 friends?  yeah.. no big deal

being the minority (and white) at an awesome Halloween party with spiked punch

audioblogging Monday-Friday here

getting Red Alert 3 and not Fallout 3… (this needs to be remedied ASAP)

realizing that sometimes it feels like 3rd grade all over again at work

because sometimes you get to research property annexation laws regarding railroads in a different state in order to make the educated decision on your investment because your family who also holds a joint venture in said property isn’t giving you all the information.

Day of the Dead festivities at Hollywood Forever.

Buying multiple costumes but only deciding to wear the one.

Wearing a wig to my first day of work-yes, seriously.

ditching a majority of the “rotation”

the dark horse got the boot from the friend finally.. after he gave her a laptop.  I love karmic retribution sometimes.

getting my nails done for the first time in a couple of months.. BLISSFUL treat.

missing awesome events due to boy drama- FIXED!

A sea of desk toys I wish I could photograph but can’t due to a damn NDA.

meeting a new friend at work, only for him to get let go a week later due to the cutbacks.

foot meet mouth.

i work at the most awesome yet also most frustrating place at times.. (wait isn’t this most everywhere for people?) but yet I can confidently say I love my job 85% of the time.

emails from pretty girls.. and a couple that may actually be worth considering for once…

because sometimes the food might be great but the takeout box might be that much better…

I learned:

The nice thing about having multiple personalities is that it gives you an excuse for having double standards.

everyone has their reasons to validate bad behavior-including racism and religious intolerance- and a majority of the time it’s due to a self esteem leak.  And, with enough pressing, you may fall victim to doing something yourself and not realize it.

Assumptions are just stupid. Some stereotypes may be true for a reason but you have to account for the chance that they might not be in that particular case. Always have an open ear to learn the whole story first.

pretty girls prefer gmail

some of the best nights are when you’re just talking and throwing down spirits in front of a horror movie.

never mix business with family, let alone ones you can’t stand in the first place. I tried against better judgement. I failed as expected.

he may be aggravating at times, but when you weigh the Pros vs the Cons, the Grip treats me as gold as the name Booster G would imply.

never consider dating in your own department/floor.. even if they are one of the hottest people on the floor.

never have serious discussions regarding monogamy with me when I am drunk especially… it won’t be pretty (I know color you surprised huh).

I need to blog M-F and not generally on the weekend because I’m most always crazy busy.

You need to surround yourself by the type of people you want to be more like- ala- surround yourself with successful intelligent and genuine people and avoid the lemmings lest you become one too.  Though in their defense, ignorance is bliss.

the weekend needs to be full of all the sex you were too busy to have when you were working.

my body will wake me up earlier and ill be more refreshed after a night of drinking- felt so good I’d consider being an alcoholic if I didn’t know better/had the funds to do.

the hottest people are generally the ones that a)have the most confidence leaks, b)have a subscription & not just issues… c)if they’re interested in dating me will be proven to be crazy.

I need to hit the gym and get rid of the belly I’ve acquired over the past yeah and a half.. yes I feel like I have a belly, stfu those who know me and think I’m silly.

making up is sometimes dare i say, worth the argument…

And more to come later in the week ^_^