Once upon a time, you could read about the multitude of dates that I went on.. the laundry list of a rotation, tons of events, etcetera etcetera.
Things have changed, yet remain the same. Perhaps I’m getting boring with age. Or perhaps I’m just.. tired. Plain tired of the drama involved.
I’m at a place in my relationship where it really would take someone epic to pull me away completly. He may not have been the man of my dreams in the shallow realm.. but for how he is inside.. he’s the man I’ve always dreamt about.
Some things were said yesterday about me.. about this “vision” of me.. that I agree with to an extent, but don’t in others. Assumptions about my character, about my choices of suitors, and, worst of all, the company I keep…
It got to me. It shouldn’t have gotten to me.
I think there’s more to be said in the unsaid than in whats spoken. If people read between the lines a bit and didn’t wear blinders they might get real sights of the composition of someone- of that inner persona within.
I got a bad taste of me. I got a bad taste of that person. I got a bad taste of how people are.
Today I pledge myself to be quiet more.
Today I pledge to take a step outside from myself and take a step inside of myself.
Today I shall devote my spare moments to self reflection.
Today I pledge to read a book this month, and put a couple of hours a day aside to write my own.
Today I pledge to erradicate myself from associating with garbage people.
Today I’m going to take a deep breath and remember that I have everything I will ever need inside of me.
Today I’m going to wear my boyfriends shirt to work.
I wish it was the weekend. I’d go to the beach.
Because progress is sometimes made with baby steps… but the thing you don’t realize is that it might actually be a huge step incognito.
The on the market sign is fading into the background. I’m tired of all the drama. I just want to go home to my boy and forget the rest of the world exists. The day won’t go fast enough.. it’s never enough.
Hopefully tonight will be full of mini golf and batting cages.. of reminiscing about childhood and making memories. And if not, well.. we shall just see.