A day of time out was in order.  The details?  I’m not going to say.  But a friend told me awhile ago:

“Crazy times when sanity starts to kick in…”

Who would have known the unspoken ironies that rang true with that phrase.  I take full responsibility for what happened.  However, I think it’s for the best.

It’s not my business to say that their actions were wrong.  The domino I started with what I’d done– again, was my volition.

My roommate and I were talking about things.. how sometimes in the heat of the aftermath of an accident, emotions are already running high and it’s natural for things to happen.

“But like they said in Speed, Jena.. it doesn’t last.”

Who knows though?  I’d like to think that things happen for a reason.  Maybe part of it was for good… I didn’t lose anything really, and neither did they.  If it could be “stolen” it wasn’t mine to begin with.  People are responsible for their own decisions after all.

I learned a lot and reached up.. I caught the air, but realized I could jump even higher.  I learned more where solid ground was.  That there are some relationships stronger than you’d ever imagine… and some that maybe were always destined to fall apart.

I’m first on the list… I’m adding more to it.  I was silly to even consider uprooting… and although Southern California may not always be the greatest, well.. can two places become home?  It’s an odd feeling.

I talked to Big again.  He did what he always did… he shook me with reality.  He’s right, and he always seems to be.  At the same time, I felt better as the conversation parted.  It was not bitter.  He was still there… perhaps there is hope for a friendship afterwards.  I knew what we had was stronger, in whatever way it was to be… even if we were not necessarily meant to be.

I calmed down and reached up… I calmed down and reached into myself.

Johnny 5, I’m still alive… and it’s going to be alright.  With or without you.

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