sometimes you just have to smile and nod

“Your heart is in San Diego.. It’s quite obvious…” she said in a rushed disdain.

She’s right.  I never denied that.  But I know how I work… and that statement has nothing to do with that.

Friends and work.. the few times that I’ve tried to do that… heh… reminded once again why I really don’t.

“I think that you honestly don’t want me to go.”

“I want you to go when it’s right.  I think you need to ask God about it.”

And now, God?

Wow.

I slammed the brakes a bit.  There’s no reason for this to come about.  I have enough on my plate than to deal with this too.  And now.. well.. she knew this was coming up soon.  I was upfront and honest about it.

“I have to be in San Diego on Monday for an interview. If it worked out, then it would be wonderful.  It’s a fulltime position and could be a very good step for me regardless of where it’s located.  I have to make bills.. If I get it, I will let you know as soon as possible.  I really do enjoy working here, and will miss it here.. but you’re right.  That’s my home.  I really wish that you could understand that.”

I felt as if I was having an argument with my dad again.  I know at the heart of it, her intentions are all well.  Because, well, if a couple of factors don’t happen right, I’ll be extending my stay in Claremont, and then commuting back and forth more while I save, find another place, etc etc.

This week is going to be a slam.  I’m booked with appointments and priorities.  Left open to breathe a little.  Just remaining quiet except to a select few.

“I think the reason things seem to be going like they are, is a test.  God is testing you to see how badly you want this.  I think it will work out for you.. in time.  I’m just worried.”

The things we do to get to our dreams… but if it was easy, then everyone would do it.

“In a way, I’m kind of envious.  You have goals.  You know where you want to be.  You just have to find the path to get there… and you have ones to choose from.” a friend told me last night.

Theres a fervor inside me.  I believe in this.  I’ll always find a way..

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