to the train..
To 1 letter away from being…
Wherever you are
Is where I want to be.
to the train..
To 1 letter away from being…
Wherever you are
Is where I want to be.
I nearly didn’t blog today, though I’ve wanted to write about it since it happened.
“really, the only regret that I have of Tuesday is that you didn’t have your camera. Without any captured evidence of the day how can I trust that the day was so wonderful and not think that it’s simply my mind making me believe that.
What’s the classic internet saying? Pic’s or didn’t happen. If that’s the case, then I hope that the minds eye counts because I really had a wonderful time with you and it would be a shame if it didn’t happen.”
Me too. Me too.
Tuesday felt surreal. After my enchanted evening with the mermaid girl, I didn’t think I had enough luck left to have.. quite possibly…
It’s September. I’ve had a few sparkler dates along the way. I’ve had quite a few adventures. I didn’t think…
Remember that amazing email I wrote about a week ago?
It turned into more letters. And phone call conversations… hours went by… we just laughed and had an amazing time. We planned a day together. Or rather, he planned, and asked me which day worked better. Tuesday or Thursday? Saturday evening.. or well Sunday early morning… we decided on aiming for Tuesday. 230.
“Is this a day date?” I asked. Remembering a movie about the dreaded stigma.
“I don’t like classifications. We’ll see what happens.”
Sounded good. No restrictions. No assumptions. Just us, or not us.
Truth be told, I was excited about it. My roommate had noticed a difference in me. Different than my anxiety with the mermaid. Just…
“Wow, you really must like him.. this is so not like you.”
“I know. Don’t tell anyone…”
Flash to present time.
He’s at a production party. After another day chuck full of breasticles and other assorted shannigans (another day of casting with Tim Street) I was.. I had to prepare a bit for Techcrunch coming up. Damn that responsible like Jena right?
He’s going to call me later. For some reason unknown.. maybe its the fact I know I may be trekking 2 miles for our spooky adventure tomorrow… maybe I’m so taken back that that first 13 hour magical date… it will be blogged about. Just not tonight. Let’s just say.. it was like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. It was.. and.. and a little…
Date 2 is coming up. I shouldn’t be this excited. Oh yes, I should.
I should be getting ready to go. I have a ___ in an hour. I don’t feel like budging.
I took the folded clothes and moved them to a chair in my corner. My bed still needs the sheets on it. My room is a mess. My bathroom is a mess.
It was the earthquake. Yes that’s right. The earthquake.
“The one in 87?”
“Um, no the one a little over a month ago…”
“Doh that joke was fail before it even started then.”
“Ha pretty much.”
My roommate had to use my shower this morning. There was some issue with the pipes or something and his shower was backing up with water. It’s been an interesting morning.
I’ve come to the conclusion that my bathroom/bedroom isn’t a mess, it’s a test in boyfriend dexterity.
It’s a good thing I couldn’t sleep. I was on the phone with a colon romeo (inside joke) and forced myself to catch some winks early para moi-ala 4 am.
There was a knock on our front door. I wasn’t dressed. I threw on a tshirt wondering who the hell it could possibly be at this obscene hour. They’re going to fix Steve’s drain. They need the door unlocked so they can work on it all day. So much for taking a shower right now.
Our apartment is directly above the garage- or more importantly, his bathroom is directly over the Beast (my truck). We heard the sound of rushing water. It looked like it was right over the truck. Fucking fabulous. That truck has already had enough abuse. I did not need that. How the hell do you explain to your friend that loans you their vehicle that not only did you put a huge dent in it.. erm, no it’s a zit… that now you can cast for showings of Riverdance in the back of it.
We shall see. We shall see.
Thankfully, that didn’t happen. Crisis averted. I’m sure something else will likely happen with the truck though. I mean, I’m on a roll. I mean.. I’m sure nothing will happen again, ever ever ever.
So here I am hours later.. I’ve known about these plans all night. I could have cleaned. I could have napped beforehand. I could have eaten a real meal. I’ve done little to nothing that wasn’t work related. Which reminds me, I still have to write another business proposal when I get home. That will be fun at __ hour of the morning.
Is it possible to be so nervous and excited that you just…
I should be getting dressed. I should be trying on a dozen outfits to pick out the first one. I’m not. I may not even brush my hair.
I’m sitting here naked and thinking of you.. in a sexual way. In a nonsexual way. I’m sitting here naked.. there’s a million things I need and want to do.
Will it be tears or will it be elation?
Interview this morning. The big one.
If I get this job, I have the apartment.. I become a San Diego resident within the month. If not, the clock goes back a bit.. I stay here in Claremont a bit longer. I save some more money. I remain focused on the goal. 3 more months is all I’d want to stay here if I can’t go now. I still want to push the mark.. to tow the line.
Deep breaths. Kisses good luck.
Poised. Ready for the kill. Dressed to kill. High heels and red hair.
Just got done.. will know by Thursday. It went well, but I’m still not sure about it. I went in confident… presented myself accordingly.
I was so nervous beforehand.. I just drove and got lost for a bit. I’m planning on going to Mount Soledad today… perhaps the beach. I don’t have to have the car back until Wednesday night. No plans tommorrow, nor work. Huge appointment on Wednesday again. This is going to be a big week.
I had a talk with my dad before I left. I explained to him that this would make me very happy, but if I didn’t get this.. that I would be taking a different plan to get to the same ultimate destination. San Diego will be home by the end of the year. Period. He needs to accept it.
I was firm, but warm. I know my dad. His heart is in the right place and he’s worried. As much as I’m nervous.. I’m…
Sometimes you have to take a few moments and savor the sunshine. I’m going to walk the beach today. Perhaps have a margarita. I’m not sure where the wind will take me… but I will go with it and weather the storm.
And that’s enough cheese for now… Sushi plans are in order first.
And no one really believed in him..
But she saw so much more.
She saw to his heart.
He’s not the hero everyone is cheering for.
He’s the dark horse.
He’s a pretentious asshole…
But he’s a hard working, balls to the wall asshole.
He gets the shit done.
He takes life by the horns.
He’s driven… and he has the Midas touch.
And no one really believed in her.,.
But he saw so much more.
He saw to her heart.
She’s the sentimental dreamer.
She’s the sweetheart of the story.
She’s the character you see in the movie
And so desperately just want to win.
Had blind faith.
Had this blind faith.
In tangible things.
In the power rush of self achievements.
The light at the end of the tunnel.
me (6/18/2008 1:54:42 PM): i have that apt regardless if i pass the credit check. i just got an email about it.
me (6/18/2008 1:55:03 PM): this could really be happening finally. /blinks
????(6/18/2008 1:55:12 PM): bout time huh?
me (6/18/2008 1:55:20 PM): yeah.. no kidding
I had the talk with my dad yesterday. It wasn’t pretty. I’m working on some things to further solidify the move now. Getting the place was the most difficult part of it. He’s very worried. But this is none of his consern. I tried talking to him civily about it. He refuses to listen.
We went to a family function yesterday. I was invisible there.
“Don’t you want to stay so you can come to more of these?”
“No dad, I can get snubbed by strangers just the same.. I’ll pass. I’m going to go where I know I am happiest. You are just going to have to accept it.”
In a mode of desperation, he shoves an ad for an apartment he’d seen in the Pennysaver.
“Look, this is local and cheaper. You should call. In fact, call right now…”
I looked at the paper. I lowered my head and looked down. And then I caught myself. Deja vu. No no no no. Not again. I was falling for yet another guilt trip about my choices when I’m an adult and working my ass off. I’m not wrong here. If it’s going to be hard, its a choice that I’m accepting. This is adulthood. And I’m stronger than this bullshit.
I looked up at my dad and gave him back the paper.
“No, dad. This is something amazing. This is something I want that I’m working hard for… and I’ve prayed about it.. I’ve asked karma about this.. if it’s meant to happen now.. to let it happen.. and it’s falling into place. I need to do this. You need to trust me… have faith in me.. let me go. I’ll be ok.”
In my dad’s mind, I could envision see him seeing his missing two front teeth pigtailed girl standing in front of him telling him this. It has to be hard on him. I know that it is. I feel bad because deep down, my daddy is my hero. I know he’s conserned. That letter was extremely hard to write for me.
I wish that I could tell him all of the things that are racing through my mind in this anticipation. I can’t. Not yet.
And now the process of closing chapters goes further and further into place. The journey back home.. is almost complete. I need to tie some ends up here.. and then.. I can get started on the next chapter of my life.. ironically.. it’s where the story started a little over a year ago. I never thought it would end there… or rather.. begin. But life has an interesting way of turning out huh?)
/clicks heels and sets the countdown
The end of the line.
Our moment to finally shine more than just a moment.
Finally coming into fruition.
I can taste it.
I can feel it.
I close my eyes.
I can visualize this.
To impress the most important men in my life
I have to impress myself.
It’s crunch time.
even if it wasn’t happily ever after, it was still happily ever
i want the after though.
selfish selfish me.
dream dream dream