I loved you at your Darkest

Half of me. Half of you.

 

And last night was a very very dark night.

I’m frankly ashamed of how it went.  It was not something to be proud of.  It was something that I hope that my coming child will never do to someone no matter how poorly they act to them.

I had had a very difficult few days.  Mother’s Day had come and gone… but not without leaving its own marks and scars.  I’d get into it, but I’d rather not get into it right now.  Perhaps I will when I’m ready.

Let’s just say that the events that occurred this year cut that much deeper as one of them relates to my unborn child and my current relationship (or rather near complete lack thereof) with the father… a man who I had no intentions on meeting and falling in love with in the first place…

But life, of course, often has other plans.

Bear and I have gone through some very difficult and dark points throughout our relationship.  We have been off again, on again, so often it’d make your head spin.

Oh how my head seemed to feel like I were spinning we were so in love.

Once upon our time.

We were supposed to have been broken up (again) when I found out that I was pregnant.  However, after the news, we “tried again” (albeit briefly) and… it still ended up failing miserably.

In hindsight, I know what went wrong.  We were trying to conquer the same problem but we weren’t actually doing anything differently.  It was, the very definition of insanity.

One night, several months ago, he came to me in a mess of emotion.  I asked what it was.

“Darkness.” he cried to me.

And for a bit we held each other tight throughout it.

I hoped it would be over.

I know you did too.

It continued to get darker as the months went by.

We fought and fought.  We thought we were fighting the darkness but we were mistaken.

The darkness enveloped us.

It blinded us.

It was so difficult on our own and united we were too scared to stand.

I know I loved you at your darkest.

Unfortunately, in the process of trying to save us both from all of that, things only got worse.  He slipped further and further into the shadows.

They consumed us both.

Especially last night.

Our love had hit its expiration date even if the child inside me hadn’t.  The killing blow had been on Mother’s Day when Bear texted and later called me.

“Happy Mother’s Day”

He did not seem to understand how this “kind gesture” could be taken poorly.

So yesterday I made some phone calls and worked on things.  I consumed myself in other things.  The things that transpired throughout the day continued to beat me down.

So this is what it feels like to be alive huh?

The day had been a repeat of heartbreaking events.  Little did I know that it would be nothing compared to how it was last night… to the wee hours of the morning.

There was more crying.  More and more darkness.

I’m embarrassed.

How did it get this bad?

In the morning I would text him an apology.  I got up and sat in the quiet.  And then there was beauty. First the music.  Then a call from a recruiter again.  I was smiling.  My world had changed and I was still so sad but… why the hell was I smiling?

A friend messaged me asking how I was feeling.  She had just recovered from strep and yet, she was curious how I was.  If I’d slept much.  It was like… she knew.

Today was spent at the fashion district in downtown Los Angeles.  Curious… the little girl in the big city that loved and had her heart broken downtown was… going home to surround herself with… color.

Today was a reminder that no matter how dark it feels there is also color. (*See pictures from it by clicking the link*)

A part of me will always love you.  No matter how much pain and hardship we have gone through together, and apart, nothing is ever going to change that.

Someone once told me a phrase that I, in turn, flipped it around. “Where the light is brightest, the shadows are the deepest.”

Maybe part of the reason it got so bad is that we are so alike.

My friend Karissa summed things up wonderfully yesterday in private.

“No one’s a monster.  We’re all traumatized in some way… some more than… others… just looking for a way to heal.  That’s ultimately the purpose of all relationships– to serve as a mirror so that we may understand what is unbalanced within ourselves.”

Maybe we are both in that darkness… but in the light at the same time.

No wonder it scared the crap out of both of us.

Feelin’ Fine

Time: current

On April 15th I started a post regarding the concept of modern romance.  Like so many things, it was never published.  All that was written was the following line:

I have resolved that there is no such thing as a modern romance…. or that maybe there is, but it’s not the way that you might picture it.

Months later, I have found that statement to be so very very true… and also wrong.

For those of you that follow my more regular blog- Little Girl, Big City, you know that I’ve been writing posts on Fridays in tune with another tune “It’s Friday and I’m in Love“.  Each story has been a memory of a time where…

But it really never was.

Until now.

I’m a fraud.

I’m a phony.

I’m Los Angeles.

But I’m the real kind.

And I’m fucking upset right now.  This post… is probably going to upset someone.  That sucks.  I almost don’t want to post it.  But it sucks and it upsets me and I’m going to fucking do it anyway.

I thought about how in the past I’ve hidden the pain.  How over time I’ve found ways to navigate through seemingly disaffected.

He and I talked about how the world wants and will only accept you to be one way.  About how good it feels to be validated with our social posts… but in reality people aren’t real.

“No one is writing stuff about how they wanted to buy a bunch of bullets at walmart and just…”

And even that statement, cut off as it were says quite a bit as well about everything.

I’ve hid behind glitzy walls to find that, while a well dressed suited persona is fantastic on the outside… the stuff that really matters is the heart on the inside… the little moments bbq’ing in the park with friends… the clinked glasses… the quiet moments that…

And then it happened.

I wasn’t expecting it.  I wasn’t looking for it.  It found me.. it found the both of us… and it scared the crap out of me.

I stumbled across the most wonderful man to enter my being in such a long time.  It was more than just carnal attraction.  It was…

But now I’m supposed to write an update that things are just fine.  I’m supposed to walk around my neighborhood like everything is fine.  Like nothing ever happened.  That nothing bad ever happens.

Because that’s what they teach you in today’s society.  Because that’s how they tell you that you should be when things are less than fantastic.  Because….

I’m a fraud.

I’m a phony.

I’m Los Angeles.

But I’m the real kind.

And I’m fucking upset right now.

Ode to the Big Blue Bus

Dear Big Blue Bus,

I am a proponent of taking public transit whenever possible.  I became jaded by owning a stick shift vehicle and having to commute cross town to Santa Monica on a daily basis.  But then, there was you.  I was so happy that I’d found you.  My one way of being able to get to work and have a bit of extra time to relax, read, and not have to deal with the droll of traffic on the 10 freeway.

My savior came about with the same name as that stretch of dreaded asphalt.  It was the rapid 10 Big Blue Bus from dowtown all the way to Santa Monica.  At first, these days, they were glorious.  But then time would change.  The drivers would change.  The schedules… are now about about to change.

I remember standing on the bus last week and seeing the signs literally and figuratively that my days on the Big Blue were potentially coming to a close.

On the way to work on the 10 going westward at approximately 830am, I boarded the Big Blue as per my normal routine at the 11th and Grand stop.  As we navigated towards the freeway, I witnessed a mother and her child of approximately 16 or 17 years old wanting to board at a stop.  The bus driver stopped and let the mother in but pulled away as the daughter ran to board.

“Stop!  My daughter needs to get on the bus!”

Bus driver: “Your daughter should have ran faster.”

The bus driver did eventually stop and let the girl on, but the experience as a passenger was dreadful.  Why was this person allowed to navigate a public bus and interact with the public?  What does it show about you Big Blue Bus?  A lot I must say.  A lot.

When I sat on the bus I saw more.  The signs, she read, were that of a piggy bank “Change goes here.”  and another of the Big Blue “Not here.”  At first, even working in marketing, I didn’t understand what was trying to be said.  Were they going to take away the ability to pay for the bus with coins?  What were they trying to say?

There was a note that said the bus routes would be changing.  I didn’t think to really look at the time.  I just wanted to get to work.  Little did I know that I was not going to be happy when I read the route changes.  But that comes later.

The bus route Eastward was originally coming every 45 minutes.  Now it seems it’s possibly every hour if not more.  I remember the days when I would run out the door of work at 630 hoping to catch the 645 bus at Wellesley and Santa Monica near my favorite board game emporium.  Nowadays I will see the number 1 bus drive by at least 3 times, and empty, before one edition of the nearly always crowded rapid 10 comes to bring me home.

Thursday I walked into the store as per usual to waste the few minutes before the bus came.  I pulled myself aside from the miniatures painting and headed to the stop to wait for the bus that seemed like it would never arrive.  It didn’t get there until nearly 745.  By the time that I finally arrived home, the kitchen for the catering business below my abode had nearly closed.

The express 10 bus is just one of the routes that was approved by the Santa Monica council that will be changed on August 28, 2011.  A total of five current routes will be affected with the changes.  One additional downtown route will be added that will only be available during morning peak hours of  7am to 10am and night peak hours of 3:30pm to 7:30pm.

Big Blue’s site shows a comment regarding the proposed changes, stating: “These changes will allow us to provide the most service to the most people while maintaining a balanced budget this year,” said Stephanie Negriff, director of transit services for the Big Blue Bus. “We’re pleased that as a result of effective research and outreach, we’ll be a better bus service without any negative impacts to this year’s operating budget or fares.”

As a citizen that commutes cross town to reduce my carbon footprint, and uses this as my only real way of getting to and from work everyday, my disdain and sadness for the Big Blue grows more and more as the days roll by.  I think about the others that will be affected.  I ponder the thought used to make these decisions, especially on the one major connection route that services the downtown to the west side.

Are the days I ride the Big Blue really coming to a close?  If things keep up like this, I fear it may be.  Both the stop where I pick up the bus and the one where I’m to be dropped off to catch my connecting bus are to be eliminated.

If you make it difficult for a consumer to come to your city on public transit, is it reasonable to expect less money to go into the city coffers? Is this a ploy to keep the “riff raff” out of the West side?   What’s your take on it?  Big Blue Bus and Richard Bloom are you listening?

Signed,

One concerned citizen who’s just trying to go to work everyday

Carmageddon: The Aftermath

Dear Los Angeles,

So I see you that have survived the feared inferno of “Carmageddon”. You rocked the happy hour specials. You steered your four wheeled vessels clear of the freeways in fear of losing your ever so precious time sitting parked on the freeway for hours upon hours.

You chose to not clutter the streets with aggravation. For a few glorious days, there was a silent peace decorated on asphalt. People were drawn in droves to the otherwise bickered about public transportation. There wasn’t arguing with the hurried commuter in the other car, bike, or motorcycle trying to get to x function. There were no stretched necks as accident after accident piled up to make the drive home from work, play, or errands a little longer. There was less noise and pollution.

The 405 is opening as I type this. It bids one to wonder if the community has learned anything from this exercise. How will the Los Angeles community change? How have you changed for the greater good?

Los Angeles once had the greatest public transit system in the world. Nowadays, people dread the thought of taking a bus, a train, or a bike in lieu of a car. This weekend proved that the community here is so ambivalent to change that, rather than embrace the possibilities of other alternatives, would rather just not participate at all.

This weekend Los Angeles biker community advocates Wolfpack Hustle embarked on a 40 mile race against an airline proved the power of the human versus the machine. In a race won by pedal pushers that generated substantial buzz, why are the Los Angeles bike paths lacking in comparison to other major metropolitan cities?

Now that Carmageddon has come and gone, as a business person, are you going to take heart the relief and production capabilities of a happier worker that has not had to “deal” with traffic for one day? Are you going to provide more of an incentive to take public transit?

As a regular commuter are you going to make a more proactive attempt to take public transit when you can? Will you take an extra few minutes to walk down the street to that cafe for brunch or the extra few blocks to the grocery store?

It’s time the community took a big look at the bigger picture. We have the power to carve this city into something greater if we unify ourselves. Time is a precious commodity but so is a calmer, healthier way of life. Instead of putting one in front of the other, perhaps both are capable of happening. Dare to be a part of the change.

Like its 1999

Ok, so I was one year off but I didn’t get invited to my Junior prom either.  Hell my Senior Prom was spent with my first love hanging out at his house until a horde of friends crashed it.  There was a multitude of reasons why I didn’t end up going to prom:

• It cost too much to go (oh the joy of dating broke artists even back then).
• I wasn’t asked.
• I was asked but my date flaked.
• Etcetera.

So high school was a bust as far as prom.  But what about the countless other Proms thereafter?  Frankly the same things as I already stated happened.  But more so, I wasn’t invited even though I knew about the events.  

This year has been… a complete change.

The LA Derby Dolls are hosting a prom tonight and for the first time ever I will be attending a prom.  Today after work I’ll be going home to primp and prepare for a Rock vs Rap themed prom.  At nearly 30 this feels a bit silly to be so excited about.

E3 2010: A week to remember… and forget?

Traffic jams and riots.  A center filled with flash, glitzy signs… and hordes of nerds.

Welcome to E3 2010: the Lakers are in game 7 edition.

I watched the downpour of exclamations for the latest and greatest toys of the moment on various twitter and facebook feeds.  I checked up on the news on some of my favorite (perhaps biased) news outlets.

Strangely enough, with the exception of that first day, I really didn’t care as much about weather I’d be able to attend or not.  The thrill of E3 just wasn’t what it used to be.

I thought about it and wondered- what changed?  At one time I was so determined to go to as many events as I could.  Nothing would satiate my palate.  Events that I was told I couldn’t get into?  I didn’t take no for an answer.  I’m bad with no’s sometimes.  This- one of the most major conferences of the year would have been a given that I wouldn’t accept that.   Was it that I had just become numb from one too many?  I mean, I have been to quite a few…

I swear I'm not an addict...

There are a few conferences a year which rank up there in high importance to me: professionally and personally.  Last year I was told I would not get into 2 of them: E3 and E4all only to somehow find a way.  I honestly didn’t expect it this time.  It just… well sort of found me.  It is a happenstance that has been occurring quite a bit these past few months.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy I was able to attend- albeit only a day and for miscellaneous parties on time in between work and well, more work.  It was more than enough.

This year is the first in many that I was not attending as Press.  Instead, it was a covert operation made possible by one fellow Culver City crusader as I played the part as someone… in town from Turtle Beach.

Walking the halls of the Staple Center this year was a window into my past.  I barely work in gaming nor have I been penning as a journey from the sidelines currently.  I have been swallowed whole by a different world and popped right back again.

It’s the wee hours of the morning at my last day of contract work for a toy company with a small MMO in beta- and in the silence of the office, I’m left to think about the proceeding days off and into the world of my past.

It seems that this time of year is an intersection.  This year, however more than others.  But we’ll dig deeper into why later.

People from all over the globe come together to this spot.  Like many other conferences, the attendees share a passion.  Fundamentally this is one that has been something that holds a very special place in my heart.  It is one of two most prominent forms of entertainment for me since childhood: video games and comic books.

I arrived late.  A meeting with a client after a very full night out to a couple of parties the night prior had me on a bit of a later start that I had planned.  Add to that the extra chaotic parking fubar of a big city full to the brim.

I got lost in the city.  I don’t know how that’s possible considering I’ve been here nearly 3 years but it happened.  It has happened quite a bit since I’ve lived here but given that it’s a huge convention center it’s a bit of a stretch even for me.

I’d gotten lost the night prior as well.  After being accompanied to find my car by one who claimed to know the way but apparently had too many free drinks at the Cheap Ass Gamer after party at the Golden Gopher I ended up in an area not my home.  I am positive it was not from the amount I imbibed.  I have been cutting back considerably and only had a couple of beers despite it being open bar.  It was peculiar.  This month has been full of moments like these:  of journeys and arrivals to destinations unknown.

My cohort greeted me.   I would assume this alter ego as I walked the halls with the rest of the entourage.  I met up with my best friends from Fantastic Forum.  But my day was mostly spent with the crew of Angry Bananas.

The boys showed me the ropes of what had been missed of the con so far.  Luchadores. Epic Mickey. Move. The new dance game.  The Comic game.  Marvel vs. Capcom.

And as much fun as I had while walking around, I still found myself somewhere else.

E3 has been a week where I will see people and get messages from my past.  Failed lovers.  Secret affairs.  Near romances.  Friends from past lives.  Of people known digitally from cross country and halfway around the globe.

It is a time where I remember where I have been.  Of the collection of people both good and bad I have had in my life.  How they’ve effected me.  How they have colored the canvas.

I was only there one day but it was enough.

To the lovers I have had in the past.  To my former coworkers.  To the people I have met along the way…

Thank you.

This hasn’t been the easiest time for me.  It’s a test.  I am breakable.  But I am capable of being repaired.  Time and time again.

Time and time will pass again.

And while not all of my intersections this year brought up the best of memories, I feel stronger because of them.

I’m looking forward with anticipation of the unknown… of next year and the next conference and the other miscellaneous destinations that I arrive and exit along the way.

It may just be stuff but its fun stuff

Convo with a friend as he’s helping me move the last bit of stuff into storage this past weekend:

HE: Um.. why the hell do you have tiki torches? You don’t have a lawn.
ME: because I’m awesome?

5 minutes later…
HE: Um… a china man hat? What are you raiden?
ME: Never can tell.

5 minutes later…
ME: Oh my wings! I was wondering where those were!
HE: Ok I’ve stopped being surprised now. I’ve just come to the conclusion that you are weird.

Summation:
Sanity is a fun thing to entertain sometimes. And to a degree, I aspire to be very boring. And while this stuff I carry around is just STUFF… I live for the day my kids are sifting through it laughing and smiling about what a fun time I had when I was alive.

Tale of a 5 second vagabond

Today I called a girl I met at a party last summer that is a vagabond.  In my “interviewing” of her she could tell that I was a journalist.  I questioned her about her journey.  I told her a little bit about my story… about feeling the weight of all of this wonderful junk.  What better way to learn something about freedom than from someone who is living a life free of all of that weight.

I asked her how long she had been doing it.

- She’s been living that way for 4 years now.

I asked her if she got tired of that lifestyle.

- She wasn’t.

I asked her if it was worth it.

- She said absolutely.  That she enjoyed how her story was truly unique.  She said she learned a lot about herself and other people- combined and separately.

I asked her if she’d ever found a place that felt like “home.”

-She hadn’t.  She said she saw much of the US and the world but hadn’t had that feeling.  She’d come close but not quite there.

I asked her a lot of questions but what struck me the most was when I asked her this one: What would happen if you fell in love with someone?

-She replied that she believed this would be the time that she stopped vagabonding.  This was all she ever wanted.  This was what deep down she was seeking.

And then… I realized something:

I don’t think I’ll be vagabonding.

I have everything that I could possibly want… everything that I could possibly dream of… right here.

And while it’s not completely all set and perfect, it’s more than most have.  Roots are a treasured commodity of the heart and of the mind.

I have to shed this artificial crap thats holding me back.  When I lighten the load, the rest of the journey will go much smoother.  If you’re going to pack heavy for your trip, pack it in your heart.

I have to fight for this.

I have to make it work.

Why?

Love.

I keep waking up to these dreams about it… and I know that I can make them my reality.

Visualization.

The white room.

I will fight for this.

I will make it work.

Reply

Oh but a lady never tells… everything m’dear Names are rarely relevant (though this star eyed pair have…)

Absence of color.
Sparks.
But one shade of something “fake” yet so real it makes you…
something something.

This will probably make little sense beyond nonsense to… but if in the know, and well, you will know if you are, it will land on a chord that few know how to play. Fore Cinderella’s Mr. Midnight clothed himself in a fasade that nothing matters…
Always put together.
Always wearing that same nonuniform.
Always going to that same bar.

Always. Always. Always.

Routines.
Entrances.
Exits.

When he arrives, you may fight it at first… a girl has to know better than to care about this one, even in the slightest. But at that point it may already be too late.

“I don’t belong to you.” He told her.
“I know.” she said.
And in her mind said the same thing aloud.
Were they lying to themselves? Or did they just not belong to even themselves?
“We’re in the same place.”he said.
And in her mind she said the same thing aloud.

…This can’t be happening.

Names are rarely relevant (though this star eyed pair have…)
He is the Mickey to her Mallory.

Absence of color. Sparks. And but one shade of something “fake” yet so real it makes you… something something.

No. No No.

“I want to bring you somewhere.”
Road trips. Mixtapes.
“Don’t do that.”he said.
“Don’t do what?”
“I am just going to fall in love with you.”

This will probably make little sense beyond nonsense to… but if in the know, and well, you will know if you are, it will land on a chord that few know how to play. Fore Cinderella’s Mr. Midnight clothed himself in a facade that nothing matters…

“Are all of your friends going to watch me?”
“He’s looking out for me.” she told him.
“That’s a good thing.”

Always put together.
Always wearing that same nonuniform.
Always going to that same bar.

Always. Always. Always.

One morning trying something different. One left turn.
We are exactly where we should be.

“We’re in the same place.”he said.
And in her mind she said the same thing aloud.

…This
can’t
be
happening.

When random becomes…

“Why are you introducing me to all them?”
“Because you’d fit in. You’re one of the tribe.”

Routines.
Entrances.
Exits.

.Jena Red.

Absence of color. Sparks. And but one shade

.Mr. Midnight.

of something “fake” yet so real it makes you…

This will probably make little sense beyond nonsense to… but if in the know, and well, you will know if you are, it will land on a chord that few know how to play.

Tipped cups. Sunrises. Sunsets. Sunrises again.

Oh but it all started at Midnight. With one reply. One smile. And one more left turn.

“Don’t do that.”he said.
“Don’t do what?”
“I am just going to fall in love with you.”

When he arrives, you may fight it at first… a girl has to know better than to care about this one, even in the slightest. But at this point…

And he plays his guitar as

I sit there cross legged in front of him and look in his eyes… and I know this will probably make little sense beyond nonsense.. but when you know, and well you will know if you know, it lands on a chord that few have known how to play.

2010: The Greatest things you learn will be from…

This past year has been a journey for me.  It has been one that has not been without its share of life lessons.  But I have learned so much from it and from the people that I have encountered along the way.

I have learned some very important things about relationships- of platonic, family, and romantic.

For my first post of this year I think it’s a great thing to write these things down to share with you.  You see, this blog has been an outlet for me to voice how I have felt, but one thing that I have learned the most is how important it is to listen.

When you shut your mouth and take steps back, you get a view of a much bigger piece of the canvas that is life.

People are intricate beings.  We can learn much from each other.  Each person has gifts to share with the world.  Shut up and listen.  You’ll learn when you should speak up when it’s time.  Don’t worry you will have your turn.  but give other people the floor first.  It is then that you can optimally share what you have.  Collaborate with others to make something bigger, greater, stronger.  Attack the wold like a pack of wolves.  There is a reason they say that there is strength in numbers.  This is not to say that you should not look out for number one first.  It is about balance.

We are given the privledge of feeling moments of levity and darkness.  Are these products of our enviornment?  Yes and no.  Self accountability and the balance of listening, proactivity, patience, and time…. time really is so integral.

I have lost so much time in my own selfishness.  In this, I have also learned that sometimes selfishness is important. In your darkest hour, there is no one in the room but you.  Stick to the goal.

A person should always be choosy of whom they associate with.  Surround yourself with optimistic and vibrant people.  Watch how much that canvas takes shape and even lights up.

Treat every single person as if they are a gift, because they are.

There is positivity around you everywhere. It is not as abysmal as you may think.

Never stop learning, growing, and loving.

There are things in this world that are so much greater, tangible, real, and worthwhile that are worth investing your time in.  While money can make the road easier, it is not the end all, be all of things.  The best kept secret is that the best investments you can make are the people in your life.  They will help push you towards unbelievable things.  Weather it’s yourself, a significant other, a child, or a friend.

There is a song that helps me get through tough times.  The lyrics have pushed me through so many hardships in my life.  In times where I found that I needed no one but myself.  In times where I knew that it was only me that would make things perfect, even if they weren’t completely perfect.

Always Find a Way

The greatest thing you learn will be from yourself. The words you speak will come from no one else. All you believe is in your soul. All you see you can’t control. You thought you knew what it meant to live your life innocent. You listened when I had nothing to say. You listened ’cause I never had to pay for my crimes, it’s my time. So I think I made up my mind. From now on it’s all gone, but I wil never seem to say what I know, ’cause I feel I will always find a way. What I need to do is what I need to do. Try and get myself back down to the ground, without a scratch. Throw away the match, don’t even stop, walk to the top, ’cause who we are is not what I see. We need a love to hold us high, above the sky to feel the light, to see what’s right. If one thing changed it was me, I just wanted to be free. And I’ll always find a way.

The relationships you build today are the foundations for where you are headed tomorrow.  Make each connection count.

Listen.

Learn.

Love.

Give.

You will be surprised how much you will receive when you only give.

It is only then that things will work out.  Things have a way of working themselves out.  We may not always see it when it’s happening, but it’s true.

Here is to a year focused and determined to launch greater ideas, build stronger relationships, learn new things, and grow further as a person.

Each day.

Every day.

With a consistent and vibrant zest for life.

Because the moments in our lives are precious.

Our time here is very short.

Make it count.

Create the most amazing canvas you can.  Remember that every sparkle and every ray of light was once a dark shadow.  Wishes do come true.  It sometimes pays off to just take a step back to give them time to persevere and patience before it can turn into reality.

If it were easy all the time you wouldn’t appreciate it. To be fatalistic is to surrender without effort. Steps back are sometimes leaps forward in disguise.

And remember: Everything we want is attainable. It only takes a creation of the thought in your mind to make it happen, if it’s meant to happen.

Smile today.  It’s an infectious disease that should be a goal to run rampant into the hearts of many everyday.