That we had felt…
That we had felt…
And I can’t wait to meet you when you get here.
DISCLAIMER: As a note to all my friends and to people all over the world within the military, this blog is not to belittle your efforts, dedication, hard work or jobs. I know that there is so much that you do than what is in the focus of this blog. This is to those lost souls that have turned to the military to complete themselves rather than a foundation based in patriotism.
On one gaming forum that I belong to, I’ve made a few friends-people that have both helped me through hard times as well as touched me through their laughter, stories, and support. This is the story of one of them.
His name is Hazard Cheif and he’s a pathological liar. At first, I just thought he was kidding around. Then the lies got bigger… mafia, car races, cheating girlfriends (ok that one could have been true), boats, yadda yadda yadda.
Sometimes it was funny. I mean, it felt like a game to a degree. But over time it became less and less funny. As a friend, quite frankly I hoped that he would get past this stage in his life and start on the path to finding himself. Given that I have been on this road (looking to find myself not the pathological lying bit), I distanced myself. I never really disappeared but I also wasn’t there all of the time.
Once in awhile he will message me. We will have a bit of loose conversation and then back to poof.
Last night was one of those nights…
(11:44:22 PM) supernerdlady: are you done with the pathological lying yet?
(11:44:33 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : ha yes actually
(11:44:42 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : i’ve left it behind me
(11:44:49 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : along with alot of people
(11:44:58 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : im in the US Navy now
Conversation continued more as I asked him about postcards. He said that he was stationed stateside and had not yet been deployed but would send some when he was. And then he started to mention that he was actually looking forward to deployment…
(11:47:35 PM) supernerdlady: thats not something to look forward to
(11:49:36 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : i’ve never left the US
(11:49:59 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : it’ll be a chance to see new cultures learn new things meet new people
(11:51:55 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : other than that shit life has actually kinda sucked
It was abundantly clear that he’d joined the service in an attempt to get away from reality rather than face his issues. As a good friend, I didn’t pander to his statements where he tried to rationalize his choice…
(11:53:33 PM) supernerdlady: escaping doesnt solve anything
(11:53:42 PM) supernerdlady: but thats one thing the service is good for i guess
(11:53:55 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : yea i guess.
(11:54:00 PM) supernerdlady: you dont need to focus on yourself bc you can just do what they tell you
(11:54:03 PM) supernerdlady: be how they tell you
(11:54:36 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : i’ve already been in for a year and 3 months, and i feel like i havent really done anything with my life thats really of any importance
(11:54:57 PM) supernerdlady: what dictates whats important or not?
(11:55:11 PM) supernerdlady: did you learn anything in that time?
(11:56:00 PM) HaZaRd Cheif : i learned…. heh, how to iron military creases in my uniforms, alot about the UCMJ, and that i despise marines… ha
Now before you start with the hate mail, as I stated in the disclaimer above, I will reiterate that this blog is not to belittle your (anyone within the military or friends of someone within the service’s) efforts, dedication, hard work or jobs. I know that there is so much that you do than what is in the focus of this blog. This is to those lost souls that have turned to the military to complete themselves rather than a foundation based in patriotism.
He was unhappy and didn’t see just how unhappy he was, or rather, he didn’t know how to. And then, it happened. The beginning of the potential end of our friendship…
(12:15:50 AM) supernerdlady: at least its a steady paycheck
(12:15:54 AM) supernerdlady: thats more than i have
(12:16:24 AM) HaZaRd Cheif : yea
(12:16:40 AM) HaZaRd Cheif : id trade the paycheck for happiness anyday
Tick, tick boom.
That was it for me. I told him flat out what I thought about his statement, and it was not pretty. It’s so not pretty that I am not going to post it. But here’s a summation of how it went:
I told him that I “would take my poor, artistic, extremely happy but not always perfect or stable paycheck existence over a life like what he was living- without decision making or happiness over his any day.” I wished him the best of luck to find whatever it is that he is looking for and that the only person that could save him was himself.
It was harsh, brutal honesty. I let him go. I meant what I said. I felt really bad about it. I know he’s not the only person going through this… so many others like him are experiencing this same pain. Why doesn’t anyone do anything for these men and women? Is a future with your own voice really that bad? In the process of giving someone something they can be confident and successful in with moving up ranks and encouragement, we walk away from what really matters: that same application inwardly.
Mr Hazardous Chief, tread safe out there. I hope you find the beacon to guide you home safely soon.
Dear Los Angeles,
I came to the state of California nearly 10 years ago to pursue a dream in the entertainment industry. Back then, and even as a child, I never would have gone to the extremes that Los Angeleans are doing right now.
People are quickly disputing that Michael Jackson dying could be a hoax. Please remind me of the man’s contibutions to society beyond music? What about this man is worth glorifying to the extent that you are? How many lives did he touch in ways beyond entertainment?
There will be more entertainers. I’ve accepted a long time ago that there will likely not be as many great ones as there have been. The golden age of cinema. The heyday for music.
Was Michael Jackson iconic?
But he was also not a good person.
He was a living spectacle.
And now you are making his death a spectacle.
Do you realize how much you are making it difficult for any other person who is in that hospital? For anyone having an emergency that’s headed toward that hospital?
I’m ashamed right now.
I’m ashamed that anytime anything major happens in entertainment- basketball, celebrity deaths, etc, that this city becomes an uproar. I’m ashamed that there are riots over victories.
This is democracy. For that much I am glad that we have…. but let’s use that energy towards causes that are worthwhile. Like prop 8, our budget deficit and Iran.
Perhaps I’m a bit touchy about this because of my grandmother (who goes into surgery for an angioplasty tomorrow morning) and am just really not someone to be around. Perhaps I’m a bit upset about missing friends down south because I’m worried I may have to drive home for a funeral. Perhaps I’m upset because of the common tarry with the grip.
This doesn’t excuse you LA.
I know that the circus is in town, but this is too much.
Rest in Peace Mr Jackson. Please Los Angeles, give the man some peace.
With Utmost Sympathies for the families involved,
I got a call from my brother yesterday. My grandmother needs a second operation. They had to put a stint in her heart and now have to do another bypass surgery.
“She’s going to be ok. I just found out. Dad called me and told me to get over here.”
I really feel like I should be going home. I’m worried despite being told not to.
“Do you want to talk to her? When you do, don’t mention the surgery. She’s scared and we want to keep her in good spirits.”
I stammered with my words. What do I say to her? I’ll tell her about my weekend. It should have been easy. It was disastrous.
“Um so I hear the weather there is hotter than it is here now.”
“It’s humid here. In the 90s. What about over there?”
Weather? She’s in a hospital. She can’t go outside to enjoy or dislike it. Great going Jena. That was smooth. Must… try and make this better.
“Oh it’s nice. I’m riding the bike everywhere. I hate cars..”
I need to change the subject here. What to say? What to say?
“So I’m sending postcards to Germany and Japan today Gram.”
“Oh wow that’s neat. Did you get any new ones recently?”
“I got one from Taipei this weekend. Some recent ones from China and a few other places.”
Ok that conversation is dead. Erm…
“I saw a movie this weekend that you’d probably have liked.”
“Oh really which one?”
“The Graduate. Do you remember that one?”
“Yes. Old movie with Dustin Hoffman. Where did you see it?”
Fuck. I did it to myself. There’s no way I’m going to tell her where I saw it. Not with her in there.
“In a park. It’s where I saw Funny Face last weekend. This coming weekend they’re showing East of Eden.”
“Oh that James Dean film.”
My brother pulled the phone. I heard beeping in the background.
I worried in that half second that the last conversation I may have had with my grandmother was about watching movies in a cemetary.
“Oh my god. Is she ok? What’s that beeping?”
“It’s one of the machines. Don’t worry. I think it’s the cell phone causing it. We’re going to ask them about it now.”
“Are you away from earshot from her?”
Thirty seconds later:
“Yes I’m away from her now.”
“Please tell me I didn’t just kill her with talks of a heartthrob of her time… Aww fuck. I can’t talk at all here. I’m walking on eggshells.”
My kid brother chuckled.
“No. You didn’t. It’s seriously going to be ok. She’s active and in bed. It will be fine. I promise.”
I’m off to the store to get her a postcard and have some time on the road now. What a day. I just hope she’s ok.
Ah how many of you remember that beloved movie of the 80′s?
Let’s take a journey back in time to remember the female douchebags of my more formative years from one of my favorite cult classics. It will make sense later I promise.
From right to to left, seen above, the characters Heather Duke, Heather McNamara, and the queen of the female douchebag power click, Heather Chandler accompanied by miss Veronica Sawyer.
In my teenage angst period and throughout my life, I seemed to most empathize with Wynonna Ryder’s character. Here she was, riding along in the cool kids club, but she never really fit in. There was something off about her, but not in a bad way. It was noticeable enough to be noticed, but her entourage was her get out of jail free card.
For years I’d be haunted by these “Heathers.” It became prevalent even more so when entering the entertainment industry. It didn’t matter how nice you were to them, if you looked at some of them funny, wore your hair differently, showed up at a party with an attractive guy, got attention from the right person, they would snub you. You are expendable and competition. However, both parties can be successful in the Hollywood pool, but only if they moderate themselves.
In this movie, these douchebags made her life both hell and heaven. The choice was hers. So what better way to play the game than become one of the crew? Once in the favor of the crowd, the potential to rise is endless.
Ah the politics of womanhood. Take notice my dears and play nice, even if you don’t like eachother… because everyone wants the rank of a Heather but maintain the likeability of a Veronica.
This week’s douchebag of the week goes to a very special girl from the East Coast also named Heather. Like the characters in the movie, she’s a gorgeous girl with a commanding presence. People know who she is, and she’s popular within her circle. But she failed to moderate herself…
One of my best friends back home, Jace, finally got involved with a girl, Nat, that he’s been madly in love with for 10 years. He was doing the long distance relationship thing. She- on the east coast, He- from Chicago. Their courtship had been something danced around quite literally for some time. Needless to say when it finally happened, he was glowing magnanimously.
Jace and Nat love to dance. He’s frequently flown out there for dance competions and video game functions. They have been best friends for ages. Their relationship was strong. He’d met her family. All steps in the direction of a potentially great payoff and long term romance.
It was also during this time that he’d also met Heather. She was a conventionally beautiful girl who loved to dance as well. However when he’d initially shown interest in her, she rejected him.
Time passed and he’s with Nat. He’s on cloud nine about it. This was when it would finally all make a turn for the worse.
What is it about women who suddenly want the guy when he becomes off the market?
I must admit, I’m guilty of this too.. but here comes the psychotic difference between her and the rest of “sane” women.
He was being a good guy to Nat. Heather decided to come out in the open that she had feelings for him and wanted him. He respectfully declined and repeatedly stated he was in love with his girlfriend. She refused to listen.
There was a dance competition coming up that he planned on attending. Heather decided that this was the perfect time to schedule a trip out to Chicago…. so she could see him in person and tell him everything. Jace was not clued in on this.
He went to his dance gig as normal and ran into her. He was trying to maintain a friendship with her and be cordial. She pressed. She said she had things of his to give back to him- a sweatshirt that was back at her hotel room.
He tried to get out of it but she pressed more….
“Please come and get this, it will only be a minute.”
He ended up at her hotel room. She begins looking for the items in question. He waits patiently.
She straddles him in a chair and makes it clear that she doesn’t have panties on. She pulls out elaborate letters about how she wants to be with him and proceeds to pledge her undying desire for him.
And then she kisses him. He’s stuck in this spot and doesn’t know how to get out of it gracefully.
He excuses himself… tells her that he’s in love with his girlfriend. He says he’s flattered but this is wrong.
Driving home he feels terrible. He feels he’s to blame for her actions.
Is there something I could have done differently? Was I not clear with what I said about my position on this?
And then the email…
Heather wrote Nat an email about how she and Jace are now together. She twists the story around to make it sound as if she were completely innocent to the whole thing. Nat is destraut and believes the girl.
As of right now my friend Jace is now single due to this meddling Heather. Congrats on becoming this weeks long distance douchebag of the week hooker girl. Perhaps there’s potential for you in Hollywood just yet… but only if you learn to play nice lest you be crushed by the real Heather/Veronicas. At which point, tell me when and where and I’ll bring the popcorn and the gloves… wouldn’t want to get blood on my nails you know.
This week’s douchebag award was actually sent in via a tip. For some odd reason I didn’t encounter a douchebag of my own so this is a special entry. Don’t worry, I’m not afraid of this turning into a regular basis. There’s a high density of douchebags in the greater Los Angeles area to make fun of. Lucky lucky me. Lucky lucky you.
A friend of mine works in a very corporate office setting. It’s to be understood that while he works for a company that’s very relaxed, it is also… well extremely corporate. There’s a degree of conduct that should be said without being said.
Enter two well known but very well known and pretentious douchebags. They’re celebrity types. And they’re guests at his office. But they’re not meeting with him today. I’m not sure if they’re due to meet with him ever actually.
He’s talking to me in instant messenger while working and hears them. Sure enough, they’re having a meeting right outside his door. Loud and obnoxious circle jerking. They are their own kings of awesome.
This has been going on for the past 30 minutes. He’s had to file a complaint about their behavior. A little common decency goes a long way. Pardon me guys but my friend has to work or something. Now back to ims.