Today is your day.

Dear Maddox,

Happy 4th Birthday my baby boy.

I am very sorry that I was not able to see you today.  Know that I would have liked to more than anything in the world, but unfortunately..

Mommy is trying so hard right now to make things better.  For that time someday where we will be together again. It’s coming. Soon soon… I hope the day I see you is someday soon.

Your big brother wanted me to tell you that he misses you so much.  So here’s a hug from him too.

It makes me so sad that I was just up there.. 20 minutes away, but didn’t get a moment to spend with you.  It seems that your father believes he is protecting you.. or that’s what he says on the rare occasion that he responds.  I would have made the time for you if he would have allowed it.  I can’t blame him for not wanting to share you though.  How is Wendy by the way?  I hope she is treating you well.

There is a present in the mail for you.  I hope that you like it.  Here’s a hint: I’d love to bring you somewhere where you could fly it.  Maybe I will take a trip out there and your dad will let me take you to.

Have you gotten my letters?

Did your father show the pictures of me and Ethan to you? Do you remember my face?  I know my hair has changed colors a lot, but it’s normal for now.  It’s red just like the cherry popsicles you like, except you can’t eat my hair.  It would taste funny.

Do you remember your brother?  He’s getting very big too.  His birthday is Saturday.  Do you remember him?  You used to play together and he’d show you the best places to hide in the cupboards.  Remember that time you got stuck?  Silly big brothers.  I have a feeling that someday you will get him back good though.

It’s been so long since I’ve heard how you sound. Are you talking more?  Mommy is worried because you weren’t talking much when I saw you last.  I hope your dad took you to the doctor about it like I asked him to.

Do you remember the sound of your mothers voice?

Your real mother..

Mommy loves you.  Tiny words cannot express how much I do.

I love you so much son.

I’m sorry about today.  I am sorry that I was able to see Sakura and Ethan for their birthdays this year but I was unable to see you for yours.  Know that I didn’t plan it, nor wish that this happened at all.  I love you just as much as I do your sister and your brother.

I love you very much son.  I miss you.  I hope that I didn’t fail you.

Love,

that one lady that gave birth to you but you’ve only seen once in 2 years. (the one with the crayons and the crazy roommate with weird hair.. or did last time you saw her)

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